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NyBeachBride

how to ask or suggest for only money as a wedding gift

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sloan View Post
I recently received an invite to a friends wedding and right at the bottom of the invite said "monetary gifts only".
Ewwww! Now that's tacky.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by frazali View Post
Ewwww! Now that's tacky.
LOL that's what I thought and trust me, I am no queen of etiquette! I was a bit taken aback by it. Very blunt.

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I would like to ask for money as well, but WILL NOT do it. I think most people will just give money anyway because they know that I have everything.

 

I just did STD/invitations and didn't put anything on there at all about gifts. When I have a shower, I want my MOH to stress to the guests that this is simply a bridal shower get together and that no gifts are needed. This is truely what I want. I'm so tired of traditional showers where we play games, eat, and the bride is so busy with gifts. I want to socialize with my friends/family. I will register for sheets and towels for those who insist on getting a gift, and then the MOH can suggest money towards the wedding.

 

My friends and family all know me. I'm sure most of the gifts will be cash anyway so I'm not concerned.

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This is a toughy. DH and I contemplated the same thing, as we have lived together for years and have no need for "stuff". However the etiquette answer is DON'T DO IT!

 

Your best bet is to pass the word to your parents and they can subtly mention is to those who ask. Ex: "Oh what would they like? Well, it's hard to say, I know they __________ (add in ' are saving up for a down payment, 'are hoping to travel', 'have everything they need.') so maybe money would be best."

 

That way you aren't faced with the dilhemma of asking, but it is still mentioned. But you're going to have to face the fact that some people just wanna buy you "stuff" so they can wrap something tangible and add to your lives on a material level. :)

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I also agree that it's tacky to directly ask your guests for money. I'm not even big on this etiquette stuff but I just don't think it should be done. What I've always heard is that you're supposed to have your family/bridal party pass the word along if asked.

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I completely empathize with the original poster. When I was planning my local wedding, it annoyed me that I could not tactfully ask for monetary gifts. Most people would consider it poor form if a guest didn't bring a gift to a wedding so you'd think some clear direction on what the bridegroom needs would be appreciated. I mean here I am spending an insane amount of cash to host a respectable event only to receive unuseful gifts -- very poor ROI. However etiquette is etiquette and I do not want to put a loved one in an uncomfortable position of asking for a gift they might not be able to afford to/be comfortable with giving me.

 

Now that I am planning a DW, I am saving a huge chunk of cash so I can look at that as my 'monetary gift.' Therefore, I will tell my guests not to bring gifts; I would not want them to throw more money into my wedding than they have already anyway. Heck, if I don't even want to throw a lot of money into it, why should they?

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My fiance and I have lived together for 6 years so we can totally relate. The problem is, if you do not register in hopes of just getting money people will buy you all sorts of tacky things that they want to buy you and you'll have a HARD time returning. I would rather be inappropriate but discrete and we are registering and plan on returning many of the things for cash instead. I know it is not ideal, and COULD backfire, but I think it's better than asking for money up front.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonir View Post
My fiance and I have lived together for 6 years so we can totally relate. The problem is, if you do not register in hopes of just getting money people will buy you all sorts of tacky things that they want to buy you and you'll have a HARD time returning. I would rather be inappropriate but discrete and we are registering and plan on returning many of the things for cash instead. I know it is not ideal, and COULD backfire, but I think it's better than asking for money up front.
Tonir, it can totally backfire on you and is really tacky! sorry to be so blunt but gifts are a bonus and not an expectation - there is almost NO way to be discreet about "asking for money".

why not just register at Bed,Bath & Beyond - you can return EVERYTHING there for cash!!!

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We are not planning to put a gift registry on our invitations since we live together. We don't need any gifts or money. Our guests' presence will be enough. If they still insist, then we will say to give us money towards our honeymoon.

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I wouldn't say asking for money only is the way to go but there is a way around this. My best friend is marrying a guy from Europe and they are currently living there. For their engagement party here in the states a note on the invite stated,

 

"In lieu of gifts the parents of the bride have set up a wishing well for couple"

 

This way you only get cards (usually filled with money) instead of large packages of things you already have lying around the house.

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