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WAJA2009

Newly Divorced Parents, Dad's new girlfriend=DRAMA!

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I agree with everyone here- it's insensitive of the dad not to sit the GF down and say 'look baby this is how it is' and it's insensitive of the GF to have bought tickets KNOWING how the rest of the family feels about her being there. This is your and your future hubby's day. Not hers, not dad's not even mom's and your siblings. And I say, if it's going to bother you (which it would bother any person I am sure to have their mother distraught on their wedding day) and your FH that she is there- then something should be done about it.

 

I know that my FH's sister can't stand me. Hates me. And so I told DFH that I would do nothing that would put me in her path, even during family events, even though his parents adore me and love that we are together. He wasn't happy about it- but he understood why. If you know that some member of the family feels that strongly against you, esp at a wedding, just don't be there. And that's what I think this GF should do too.

 

Part of me wonders if she's not enjoying the prospect of wrecking havoc at your wedding....

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I am so sorry that you have to deal with this situation! I agree that your dad is being insensitive by bringing his GF, when she was clearly not invited. I also agree with others when they say she should not be invited to any wedding festivities. It doesn't matter if it hurts her feelings or your dads, because they obviously didn't take yours into consideration, on one of the most important days of your life. I wish you good luck with your wedding day. All that matters is that you and your FH will be getting married!

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I am so sorry that you have to deal with this situation. It is downright abhorrent that your father would be so selfish as to use your WEDDING DAY as an opportunity to flaunt his new girlfriend in front of your mother. I don't know if he is always so self-absorbed, but when you talk to him I hope you point it out that him bringing his gf to your wedding and upseting your mother is going to cause you, his daughter, more pain and suffering than any woman should have to think about on her wedding day.

 

Be strong. Your dad is not being a good dad right now. I hope that after you talk to him he sees the error of his ways and apologizes for even making you have to deal with this.

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I fell so bad for you. Your dad should at least try to understand how you feel, even if he doesn't agree with your decision. You are a grown up now and he has to respect that and how everyone else in the family is feeling about the situation.

Personally, my father is "dating" this woman and I have clashed with her from the start. My own father still treats me like a small child, even though i'm now 34 and have an 8 year old. WTF huh. Anyways, I straight out told him that WE ARE going to get married in Jamaica and my FH's dad and fiance and my BF and my daughter Are going. If he would like to be a part of our day, then he is welcome to come, but not her. It's not about her. All that she has tried to do is weasel her way into my father's life and manipulate situations. He's even staright out told her that they are NEVER getting married.

So, similar to you, it's not about her....merely a "new" stand in GF. It's about your family. Even tough your parents aren't longer together, you ARE their child and they should respect that just the family should be allowed. The last thing that you need to worry about on your special day is if there's going to be a fight, etc...

I think it's so rude of the GF to have gone ahead anyways and purchased tickets! How dare she.

Good luck to you.

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My heart completely goes out to you!

 

I think you should know that ultimately, the new GF put herself in this position. You can't behave like a child and start name-calling,etc and then expect to be welcomed with open arms. I understand that Love is crazy, and everyone wants their relationship to be respected, but that doesnt justify how she treated your mom.

 

Anyone dating a divorced guy (me included) or a guy with children has to be understanding and respectful - ESPECIALLY in the beginning. My mom is my best friend and I know putting her in this situation would be emotional for all of us, and you are right you don't want your wedding day to be the day where its all layed out on the table.

 

i agree with completely uninviting her all together and I hope that everyone can be as understanding as possible. maybe there is a chance that the new gf will get the hint that she can't act this way towards his family.

 

best of luck and congrats on your wedding being so soon!!

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UPDATE

 

Well, my wedding is officially a week away and I have gone through more drama with this than I could have ever imagined.

 

My father insists on bringing the girlfriend and even told her that he would not come if she doesn't come with him. To my understanding, she is still coming to Jamaica but will not attend the wedding because she doesn't feel welcome. I don't really understand that as there will be activities every day that she will also not feel welcome to attend. which means my father will not attend. At this point, I really don't even care. I am so happy that I am getting married in Jamaica and will have 2 weeks to just relax that I probably won't even notice that they are there.

 

I just hope my mother doesn't notice either for her emotional sake.

 

Anyway, thanks for all of your insight! My wedding is next week and I can't wait!

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It's great that you have a "screw them all" attitude!! I hope everything works out and that your mom handles it ok too. Have a great wedding & we look forward to all the details when you return!! smile03.gif

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I am a little shocked at the lack of respect that your father apparently has for your wedding. To say that if his g/f can't come then he won't either is so juvenile that I don't even know how I would respond to that if it were my father. I thnk I'd probably tell him that he wasnt' welcome then either (I'd probably regret saying that later, but still)

 

You seem to have a good attitude about it and I am really happy for that. You deserve to have a wedding with as little drama as possible, so I hope you get it!

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I think your dad is being extremely childish, but I'm sure that he is getting a lot of whining and complaining from his equally-childish and annoying girlfriend (I don't like her very much). I hope that someday when he can step away from the emotion of whatever he is going through, he will realize his insensitivity towards you and apologize.

 

It sounds like you are focused on the excitement of your wedding (hooray & congrats!) and know that all of us are rooting for you from afar! I am sorry that you have to deal with family drama while you are preparing for your wedding. But you have such a great attitude and you are going to have an amazing day!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WAJA2009 View Post
UPDATE

Well, my wedding is officially a week away and I have gone through more drama with this than I could have ever imagined.

My father insists on bringing the girlfriend and even told her that he would not come if she doesn't come with him. To my understanding, she is still coming to Jamaica but will not attend the wedding because she doesn't feel welcome. I don't really understand that as there will be activities every day that she will also not feel welcome to attend. which means my father will not attend. At this point, I really don't even care. I am so happy that I am getting married in Jamaica and will have 2 weeks to just relax that I probably won't even notice that they are there.

I just hope my mother doesn't notice either for her emotional sake.

Anyway, thanks for all of your insight! My wedding is next week and I can't wait!
WOW! First things first...hats off to you and BRAVO ON YOUR ATTITUDE! You are obviously recognizing the things you cannot control, and determined not to let it ruin your day...that's more than a lot of women would be capable of, so seriously..you've got major props from me and I don't even think you NEED any further advice really:)

Your dad is whipped. Period. He's lashing out for whatever reason, and wants to make a point. Fine-let him make it and look like an ass. You love him anyway, as you should, and ultimately, the only person he's hurting is himself because there will come a point down the road where this chick will likely be GONE and he'll have to live FOREVER with the fact that he showed his ass (so to speak) during the worst possible time; his daughters wedding. My folks were married for 32 yrs before splitting, so I know first hand that there is a LOT of water that flows under the marital bridge that kids never know about...so who knows why he's doing this? The point is, your wedding is about YOU, your man and your FAMILY. This chick is not part of that equasion and your father should respect that no matter how he thinks he feels about her.

The fact that she bought tickets is on her...it's not your problem. If she decides to "crash" in any way, I'd either ignore her or speak to your coordinator and let it be known that she is not a guest of yours. Let him schlep her ass around if he wants her to be there so badly. People are a mess and if she's willing to tag along KNOWING she's not welcome, it honestly wouldn't suprise me if she showed up at the festivities with his blessing. He seems like he's in "you're my woman, if I'm welcome then so are you" mode. If that happens, ignore them both.

It will be up to him to entertain her and make up for the fact that she's obviously unwelcome. I wouldn't even acknowledge her presence and since he's decided to do this and put UNNECESSARY discomfort into your trip, I might even ignore him if/when he comes around with her in tow.

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