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McToasty

What to say to friends that are not invited?

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Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek View Post
We invited everyone, well the people we are still really friendly with, all of our families. We figured most wouldnt come and if they did it would probably only be a few more people. we invited close to 200 and only had 29 book so it worked out fine. We were prepared to have 60 people come at one point but when it came time to book most people backed out.
I know what you mean. If we had our wedding in our home town we would be obliged to cater for at least 150 people. Our DW means we have still invited all of our close family and friends but it is up to them to make the effort to be there. Fingers crossed (hopefully) only about 30 people will attend. Anyone else we have said it is overseas - if you can make it great but we are only our close friends and family and you can come to our AHR when we get home.

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We kept the list really, really small; mostly due to compromise since I wanted EVERYone and FH only wanted immediate family (he's shy and would actually be fine with just us being there). Now, I'm glad we did because as I've seen some other ladies post here, you truly do end up being suprised by how many people voice a desire to come after they find out you're having a DW. There are a few people that fall into that category of "friendly enough to probably deserve an invite, but we're still not giving them one" simply to keep costs and headache down on top of his just not wanting to deal with them. lol Sounds awful, but hey-I'm being honest.

 

I'm just planning to stick with the "just family". I'm not even going to go into the "best friends" part, because frankly, I lump them in with family and it's no ones business. And I've already used that explanation with someone,adding "We didn't feel comfortable asking other people to go to the expense and take time off work to make it" It worked!

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I don't know what to do about some people from work...I wouldn't mind having them come, but we can not afford to have all the spouses & significant others (many of whom I really don't know very well, or at all). I have no idea how to handle this in a tactful way...ughhh!! Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!!

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McToasty- I think you answered your own question in your first post! I would say explain that you wish you could invite everyone but you simply cannot afford it and just relate to them that you are disappointed too, but this is the way it is and you're sorry. EVERYONE should understand the money issue, considering we're in a recession and I'm not sure who is paying for your wedding - but if you are, it gives you all the more reason to keep it small. If your parents are - you obviously don't want to put them out so in that case you could mention that as well....its all TRUE.

 

In my case, we invited over 200 knowing none of them would come....my mom is italian and "HAD TO" do it. I personally was against it, but since she's paying I let her invite whoever she wanted. We've only had 29 book thus far - out of 200! I didn't invite anyone from work - which I feel really bad about - but I only work with 30 people and I couldn't pick & choose.

 

Good Luck!

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I'm of the same oponion as some of the others. We are not payign for their stay so the more the marrier. We invited over 150 people and only have 30 that we know of so far coming anyway, 26 booked. So i don't think that you have to worrie about it gatting too big anyway. However if you still don't want them invited then I think how you phrased it in your initial post was fine! Good luck!

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I would love to be able to invite everyone to join us in Cabo...but with the wedding/reception costs being over $100/pp, we just can't afford the "more the merrier" mindset.

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Thankfully I haven't had ppl ask...#1 I haven't even told a lot of my co-workers I am getting married..and obviously all of us can't take off at the same time to go...and as far as family...I went with immediate and those I have seen/talked with within the past year...no need for those uncles, aunts, cousins, etc..that I don't talk with all the time.

 

If anyone wants to come they are welcome because like others we are not paying for their expenses and Vegas is a little cheaper...

 

those who didn't get an invite are getting special invites to view the ceremony via the net!! Heck my mom is going only because she is not a big fan of flying...

 

dont feel obligated to explain yourself..simply let them know it's for family/close friends and leave it there...some are gonna be offended no matter what!

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Yeah, I am still "rationalizing" my wedding to my friends. It is interesting because now they are all blaiming my FH. He doesn't care either way. But I am also not inviting any of my extended family members, aunts, uncles, etc. We are going to have an after wedding reception here in the states and EVERYBODY is invited to that!

 

I am just hoping for the best!

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I think that since you don't want to invite everyone to the wedding, telling them it's a small ceremony with family will work just fine. You don't have to justify why someone is not getting an invitation to your wedding.

 

I know that some of my friends were peeved that they weren't invited to our ceremony, but we more than made up for the lack of invite with the AHR (and posting ceremony photos after the AHR on facebook where everyone can see them).

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