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Cancelled Wedding???

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#41 Krista_H

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  • 428 posts

    Posted 22 April 2009 - 03:51 PM

    I believe that everything happens for a reason and you will be a better person regardless of what the outcome is.

    Right now all you want is the hurting to stop - it will. Keep your head up and stay strong for those kiddos!!

    #42 heidi_lk

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    • 80 posts

      Posted 22 April 2009 - 04:24 PM

      Originally Posted by Jamaica0619
      I'm sorry you are going through this. I think everyone has covered everything. You really need to sit down and talk this through, potentially with a counselor's assistance.
      I absolutely agree with this comment. I am a therapist and know the value of getting some outside perspective. A counselling session can help find out whats going on and get the real issues out in a safe and non-threatening manner. Either way, all is not lost. Keep your head up, and know that regardless of the outcome good things can come from this, whether it is making the relationship stronger, or learning more about yourself. My wishes are with you!!!

      #43 Adlergray

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        Posted 22 April 2009 - 04:58 PM

        Hi Hun I really hope that reading all these post makes you feel better!Its such an awful situation. But remember nothing is ever final (except death and taxes :))

        I hope I don't get jumped on but my very rational father has rubbed off on me over the years....Just to play devils advocate.....Is it possible that there was a situation where he was inviting you just out of habit or to be kind where wives or fI may not really be invited and its just protocol? Have his work friends become closer to work friend where it may be his "statuary" and you caught him off-guard by saying yes?

        Now that said I do not think his reaction was correct or that uninviting you , saying he was embarrassed or asking fr the ring back was the right thing to do in anyway...

        it sounds like it may have gotten very heated...My suggestion would be to set up some time to talk outside of your normal hangouts with out the kids....Try to really listen to where this all came from digest it and then after seeing through his eyes the situation tell him how it made you feel and that his comments hurt you...take some time to digest all this information so both of you can make an informed decision on how to proceed with your relationship

        Take some deep breaths and just keep telling yourself..."you can do this!!!"

        #44 shellk

        • Sr. Member
        • 1,784 posts

          Posted 22 April 2009 - 05:17 PM

          try not to let what he says to you upset you too much.it is him that is out of order.mariesam is right in everything that she says.but at the same time on,t give up you need answers.

          #45 stefnicole

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            Posted 22 April 2009 - 11:10 PM

            I agree with everything Marie-Sam already said. I just wanted to give you a hug!

            #46 litl_april

            • Jr. Member
            • 351 posts

              Posted 23 April 2009 - 01:18 AM

              Originally Posted by GracieBebe
              I agree with all of the above posters. Also, what he's doing to you is a form of verbal abuse because it tears down your self esteem and is emotional manipulation.

              I am so very very sorry that you are going through this, sweetie. My heart is truly breaking for you. My post may be long, but I think it is important. Some of this may hurt to hear, but please listen. Here is my take on the situation based on what you've told.
              As was said above, the way he is talking to you is abuse. It may not be visible on the outside, but it is abuse. Honestly, I feel it is the worst kind of abuse. I know from experience.
              You can (and should) have a good talk with him. BUT, it really does need to come in the form of being under supervision of a counselor/therapist, etc. That part is important, because from what you've wrote, if you do it alone I believe that he is only going to cut you down and make you feel like you are the one who is wrong.
              You don't need that, not now, not ever! If he refuses to see someone to work things out, it is time for you to move on.
              I realize you say you don't know who you are without him. Trust me when I say, I understand this feeling. It is probably one of the worst feelings to get over, but I promise, it will pass. You don't realize who you are without him because he has convinced you that you are nothing without him. Don't believe it, dear!! It is the furthest from the truth!!!
              No man in love with a woman should ever feel embarrassed by her. If he cannot or will not change this, he's not the man you deserve, and by far, he does not deserve you.
              If things cannot be worked out between the two of you, I am sorry. It will be a difficult thing for you to walk away, but you will come out a stronger woman. Put on some upbeat, woman-rising-to-the-top type music, it's crazy how much it can help!
              Finally...a strong reason I sense he's emotionally abusing you...feeling you need to apologize to us for posting this thread. Sweetie, all of us here, on BDW, are here for you every step of the way and never do you need to apologize for needing a shoulder to cry on!
              Hang in there and keep us posted. We're worried about you and would love to know if you're doing okay.

              #47 KristinaM

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              • Wedding Date:April 18, 2013
              • Wedding Location:Ocean Blue & Sand, Punta Cana
              • LocationNew Jersey

              Posted 23 April 2009 - 03:23 PM

              Just checking in to see how you are holding up.
              We're all here if you need to vent!

              #48 ~Stephanie~

              • Sr. Member
              • 3,347 posts

                Posted 23 April 2009 - 04:54 PM

                First off, I agree with MarieSam and much of what the other ladies said on here. I'll try not to repeat everything. I hope I am not to harsh but it sounds to me like he was just looking for a reason to get out and was waiting for any small fight to make that happen. This is not your fault and you should not in any way blame yourself, he obviously needs to grow up and learn how to be a man. How dare he make you feel like this?! What kind of man does this? What a coward! Obviously there is some real underlying problems that need to be discussed that he has been hiding. If its at all possible to talk to the coward then do so and get to the bottom of things. I can't imagine that he will be truthful so trust your gut and not your heart. Honestly it sounds like he is cheating or at least has someone else in mind and was looking for a way out. I don't mean to upset you but a man that is truely in love does not do this.

                I hope for you and your childrens' sake that he simply is getting cold feet and things can be worked out. If not I want to assure you from experience that life does go on and there will be something better for you. I never thought I could leave my loveless marriage to an a-hole of a man but I did and my children are better off for it. Now they see what a real relationship is suppose to be like and are not a part of an angry household any longer.

                Its an amazing feeling when you respect yourself and it will give you the strenght to get through this. Regardless of the outcome make sure you stand up for yourself or he will walk all over you for years to come.

                Please keep us posted, we are all here for you! Big Hugs!

                Our wedding websitewww.mywedding.com/stephanieandmichaelbailey

                #49 mrsm109

                • Newbie
                • 22 posts

                  Posted 23 April 2009 - 04:58 PM

                  Ladies Thank you so much for all of your advice, encouragement and support. I guess I should have clarified a few things. What I meant by saying that things would change after we were married is that the company he works for is large so for most events you can only bring someone if you are married. And now that we're engaged I thought it would be different in regards to that.

                  But either way, I was really hurt by everything that happened and was really surprised when everything blew up the way it did, because I didn't see it coming. I spoke to him a little yesterday. He came home during the day so we could talk while the kids were at school. He apologized, and I forgive him, but I also told him that at this point I just need a little time to really clear my head before I make any life-changing decisions. I told him what I thought and how it was completely unacceptable. He says they will and understands that nothing he says will prove that, only time and actions. All I can do now really is wait to see.

                  Thank you again everyone .

                  #50 Jacilynda

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 2,777 posts

                    Posted 23 April 2009 - 05:15 PM

                    I'm SO glad to hear from you and that you talked! I'm glad you said what you needed to, thats SO important!

                    I have to agree that time and actions will tell! I wish you the best hun!

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