Posted 22 April 2009 - 12:59 PM
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Posted 22 April 2009 - 01:09 PM
Posted 22 April 2009 - 01:25 PM
Posted 22 April 2009 - 01:31 PM
you have said more than once that you have a great, amazing relationship, but then have outlined how he's hurt you and promised to change once you were married (which, btw, never happens ... people don't change often. if they do, unfortunately it is usually for the worst). i have to ask, what is the need for change if the relationship is *truly* so amazing? it almost sounds like you've maybe both been in denial of some larger issues in your relationship. it happens. many of us get so caught up in life (or in planning our weddings) that we tend to lose sight of what's really going on underneath it all. i agree with the other ladies here, a long sit-down heart-to-heart conversation is warranted and necessary, especially since children are involved.
my heart goes out to you, and i hope you're able to either resolve this and have the wedding you've dreamt of, or move on toward the future you and your children deserve.
Posted 22 April 2009 - 01:37 PM
You say you thought you had a great relationship, but you also say "When we decided to get married he said things would be different, but there not." Just because you exchange vows doesn't mean the problems are going to magically disappear. He's not going to be a different person and you're not going to be a different person all of a sudden because you're "married". I agree with JPitts that it looks like there have been problems before that you may not want to face but you probably should. These are things that need to be fixed before you get married because they are not going to go away.
And lastly, the man that you are going to marry and be with for the rest of your life should NEVER EVER EVER be embarrassed of you. You can have embarrassing moments but he should never be ashamed of you. Love is unconditional to be given freely without any expectations or demands. For him to put you down that way and make it seem like there is something wrong with you is totally wrong! It's a telling sign when you said, "As silly as it sounds I don't even know who I am without him." I know I may sound harsh, but you need to find yourself and figure out who you are without him. Love is not supposed to lose yourself in the other person. It's about both people coming together to make a greater whole. And that sickening, empty, horrible feeling people get when they are apart from the person who they love is not necessarily love. It can be, but not always. That awful feeling is the need to be loved.
You may not agree with everything I have to say, but I read your post and I felt for you. Your FI should not ever make you feel that way and be ashamed/embarrassed of you. Maybe counselling can help you and him to work out the issues. (((((HUGS)))))
Posted 22 April 2009 - 01:51 PM
I really hope this gets worked out soon, no matter what the outcome is, you need and deserve some answers and so do your kids.
Posted 22 April 2009 - 01:53 PM
P.S. I'm sorry if I sound "mean" but I really want what's best for you and I think you might know he's not ... I don't want you to feel trapped by "comfortable" when you deserve amazing!
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