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mrsm109

Cancelled Wedding???

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Very well said Grace!

 

Hun I hope you don't take us all being harsh, but from what you have told us we're trying to give you some reality in this issue and REALLY SERIOUSLY HONESTLY HELP YOU! We are concerned about and this entire thread is devoted to helping you! We aren't trying to be harsh or mean, just honest and truthful.

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smile03.gif

 

I can't really say anything more than the ladies on here have already said... I am so sorry you are going through this!!!!

 

Take care of yourself and KNOW that you are and deserve the best. Believe in yourself and don't let anyone ever tell you that you aren't good enough or embarass them.

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let us know how you are doing!.. I really agree with the other ladies when it comes to him putting you down and that shananagans! Honestly, you deserve to be with someone that loves you for who u are and is proud to be with u PERIOD!.. I dont know what else to say but you need to find out what is TRULY going on because this really doesnt have anything to do with you! we love you and hope you are doing well!! hug2.gif

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Oh my gosh... as everyone else has already said- I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Mariesam hit it on the nail in her post. Sending you good thoughts

 

YOU derserve better.

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I agree with all the girls--clearly he was banking on a small argument between you two that would enable him to use it as a reason to "get out of this wedding". I think you also need to for the children especially, objectively determine if your love is being confused with low self-esteem and a need for him to be in your life. The situation sounds a little toxic,however, we are on the outside looking in and without the details can only assume so much about your situation. I REALLY hope he can be honest with you so that you can at least have closure on those gray areas and hopefully help u decided what needs to happen next. In the meantime, try to do something for YOU, clear the air and your head, because you will need to be strong right now. Sending BIG HUGS your way!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsm109 View Post
Really I'm not sure. He invited me to a dinner with him and his colleges (which for the most part I can't go because of babysitter reasons, honestly I've never been to go in the 3 years he has been with the company) but today I could. As soon as I said I could he stumbled around and said he would have to call me back. When he did he said sorry he was mistaken, I was no longer invited. Each time it always is like this. I was hurt because a few months ago he said he was embarrassed of me. When we decided to get married he said things would be different, but there not. When he uninvited me my feelings were hurt. He then told me I wasn't understanding and he didn't want to marry someone like me. I'm crushed. I don't even know what to say. I'm embarrassed to tell the people close to me. Thank you so much for listening. We really do (as far as I knew) had a great relationship. I just don't know what to do now...I'm so hurt
I'm so sad and so sorry that you have to go through this ! Specially knowing you have kids and the whole situation must be even more difficult to deal with in those circumstances...

Something is striking me in the post above : if you were in a "great relationship", as you said you thought, what is it that needed to be "changed" after you get married ?

It sounds to me that he has been already doing/saying things that were hurting you in the past, and that maybe you did not want to notice/consider because you are so attached to your relationship with him.

You also say you don't know what to do without him. I think he knows it and I think this is where something is not going well in here - he's taking advantage of it. When they have a person that is dependable on them, certain men like to take advantage of the situation. He likes to have you at home and nowhere else so that he can be free of what he's doing outside ? Telling you he's "embarassed of you" and he "does not want to marry somebody like you" so that you can feel dimished and don't even try and fight...

Another thing that makes me think this is the way it is, is that he says he does not want to marry someone like you, but then - what does he want ? Is he waiting for "the one" to show up and he will leave you and the kids altogether ?

Well, if the answer is yes, then YOU should NOT want to marry him and grab your kids and go !

If the answer is no, then he is manipulating you... to keep you under his control ? To keep you from interefering with something else ? I don't have these answers.

I'm very sorry to write all this. Both answers are ugly and I realize this... In both cases we have a guy that has children with you but thinks you're not "worth marrying" or even doing things with...This is unacceptable.

Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to face the reality of the situation. Specially if you have been in a relationship with a man that diminishes you - your moral, your state of mind can be very low. Your objectivity can be hindered. You may be in a situation where you actually believe you're not worth a lot...

The good news is, if we are in the second option, and if you want to try and save this relationship, that things can still change, but the change has to come primarily from you, not him. Obviously, he has issues, but you're not going to convince him of that... On the other hand, you have to gain self-confidence. You have to believe, genuinely, that you deserve respect, love, and that you can live without him, that you're not dependable. Everybody deserves respect and love, and on this I will agree with Marie-Sam - no man can tell you that you embarass him. But you have to believe it and act as such.

If he thinks that he can tell you that he's embarassed with you, that he can tell you you're not the kind of person he wants to marry, and that you'll just eat it up and nothing happens, he'll just think he can lack of respect for you all along and things are not going to get any better. You have to show him this is not that way. But the first person that needs to respect you is yourself. You owe it to yourself.

I think counselling would help you a lot in this very long and difficult path of re-finding yourself and re-discovering how wonderful a person you are. After doing this, you will probably know what to do better than any of us.

This is probably hard to read and you may not agree with everything, but you should think about it...

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He's embarrassed by youhuh.gif! WTF? I am so sorry you are going through this. This is completely unacceptable. Would you let your friends talk to you that way? I'm sorry sweetheart, but you cannot have someone in your life that feels that way about you. It's not healthy.

 

Hugs!!!

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