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mrsm109

Cancelled Wedding???

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It's sad how you are feeling but it seems like your FI was way too quick to call off wedding. You need to really think this through and remember people don't change so if FI said that things would be different after you get married; he is lying! Sorry. I don't mean to be harsh either but us women need to be strong and know what we are worth.

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Oh I am so sorry to hear you are going through this a woman should never hear that someone is embarrassed especially by her fiance and the father of her children. I think you really need to have a heart to heart with him but you deserve someone who is honored to be by your side. I wish you all the best.

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I am so sorry. This must be horrible for you. You need to sit down and speak to him though, before you guys make any rash final decisions--there has to be some underlying reason for his behavior. I agree with the other girls and think your fiance is an ass. Please keep us posted.

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the girls here have covered the bases ... a real man, one who loves you, will never be ashamed of you or embarrassed to be with you. uninviting you is shady and sounds like he's hiding something. you DESERVE only the best for yourself and your children. be strong, and demand respect.

 

you have said more than once that you have a great, amazing relationship, but then have outlined how he's hurt you and promised to change once you were married (which, btw, never happens ... people don't change often. if they do, unfortunately it is usually for the worst). i have to ask, what is the need for change if the relationship is *truly* so amazing? it almost sounds like you've maybe both been in denial of some larger issues in your relationship. it happens. many of us get so caught up in life (or in planning our weddings) that we tend to lose sight of what's really going on underneath it all. i agree with the other ladies here, a long sit-down heart-to-heart conversation is warranted and necessary, especially since children are involved.

 

my heart goes out to you, and i hope you're able to either resolve this and have the wedding you've dreamt of, or move on toward the future you and your children deserve.

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I agree with all of the above posters. Also, what he's doing to you is a form of verbal abuse because it tears down your self esteem and is emotional manipulation. Also, either he's committed to you or he's not. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Just because you get into an argument doesn't mean he can take back the ring. That's a form of emotional blackmail. Is he going to do this every time you get into an argument? How fair is that to you to bring your hopes up and then have them come crashing down every time things get rough?

 

You say you thought you had a great relationship, but you also say "When we decided to get married he said things would be different, but there not." Just because you exchange vows doesn't mean the problems are going to magically disappear. He's not going to be a different person and you're not going to be a different person all of a sudden because you're "married". I agree with JPitts that it looks like there have been problems before that you may not want to face but you probably should. These are things that need to be fixed before you get married because they are not going to go away.

 

And lastly, the man that you are going to marry and be with for the rest of your life should NEVER EVER EVER be embarrassed of you. You can have embarrassing moments but he should never be ashamed of you. Love is unconditional to be given freely without any expectations or demands. For him to put you down that way and make it seem like there is something wrong with you is totally wrong! It's a telling sign when you said, "As silly as it sounds I don't even know who I am without him." I know I may sound harsh, but you need to find yourself and figure out who you are without him. Love is not supposed to lose yourself in the other person. It's about both people coming together to make a greater whole. And that sickening, empty, horrible feeling people get when they are apart from the person who they love is not necessarily love. It can be, but not always. That awful feeling is the need to be loved.

 

You may not agree with everything I have to say, but I read your post and I felt for you. Your FI should not ever make you feel that way and be ashamed/embarrassed of you. Maybe counselling can help you and him to work out the issues. (((((HUGS)))))

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I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sometimes these things happen close to the wedding because one of the people has cold feet. BUT, telling you he is embarrassed of you, that is WRONG. Even if he didn't mean it, he should never have said it. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. He can't just take your ring away whenever he gets angry, that is wrong on so many levels. He sounds pretty controlling as well, like you can come to the party when he thinks you can't come, but when you can he decides he doesn't want you there, he is telling you what to do and that is stay at home. Telling you he is embarrassed of you is again controlling, he is telling you he is better than you and you should do what he says. He has issues he needs to deal with and therefore you both have issues that need to be dealt with. I suggest counseling . If he will not go, then you know he is not willing to fight for your relationship and if he is not willing to fight, then why are you fighting?

 

I really hope this gets worked out soon, no matter what the outcome is, you need and deserve some answers and so do your kids.

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Wanted to offer support ... what I think and feel has already been said here by the other ladies. I'm so sorry ... I know you're hurting now but something good will come out of this ... IF you'll let it. You'll either stand up to him and he'll see you're not going be his doormat and change his feelings and attitude ... or you'll leave and pick yourself up and find the man of YOUR DREAMS! I know it doesn't feel like that right now ... how to tell everyone, all of the "wasted" wedding plans (and dreams) ... but most likely those around you already know he acts this way so they might not be surprised (and possibly even be relieved) and you can always plan another wedding when you find the right person. Now ... best case scenario is he gets his act together and acts like the loving, nice man who you deserve ... but if not ... it would be best if YOU CHOSE NOT TO MARRY HIM! And BTW ... in most states the engagement ring is a gift and since HE called off the wedding get YOUR ring back immediately. You might need to sell it to help you get your new life started. *huGs* Suzanne

 

P.S. I'm sorry if I sound "mean" but I really want what's best for you and I think you might know he's not ... I don't want you to feel trapped by "comfortable" when you deserve amazing!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by wahmsuzanne View Post
I don't want you to feel trapped by "comfortable" when you deserve amazing!
well said!
grouphug.gif

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