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Shower the role of the MOH?


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#11 ~Nicole~

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    Posted 22 April 2009 - 08:39 AM

    OMG! That is insane! I definitely think that the WP should be involved in the shower, but my feelings are that if the WP is hosting, it shouldn't be expected to be a huge elaborate and expensive shower! For example, we just had a wedding shower for my good friend this past weekend. Her FMIL insisted that her gift to my friend was this shower which was a full blown sit down 5 course meal, centre pieces, etc. Just the lunch for everyone was $2000 plus the gifts for the guests, decorations, and all of that other fun stuff. There is no way that I would have endured that cost if I was responsible for hosting. I know that sounds bad, but a typical shower for me is at someones house, in the backyard for a minimal cost.

    How did you get stuck with the bill? I would definitely sit down and explain that you are maxed out and need help!
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    #12 jax_the_beach_bride

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      Posted 22 April 2009 - 10:44 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Nikki07
      a typical shower for me is at someones house, in the backyard for a minimal cost.
      that has always been my perception of a bridal shower!! lol! but if people have money coming from the sky then who are we to judge right!...

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      #13 ~Nicole~

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        Posted 23 April 2009 - 08:14 AM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by jax_the_beach_bride
        that has always been my perception of a bridal shower!! lol! but if people have money coming from the sky then who are we to judge right!...
        Oh I totally agree! Don't get me wrong, the shower was great! It seemed like everyone had a great time, but her FMIL INSISTED that she threw that elaborate shower. I just don't think it would be fair for a bride to expect her MOH to foot the bill, KWIM? Trust me, I wouldn't be complaining if someone wanted to do that for me but I could never demand it!! I'm a plain jane though, so to each their own!!
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        #14 GracieBebe

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          Posted 23 April 2009 - 10:31 AM

          I was a MOH for my friend's wedding but I didn't throw her a shower. I was going to but then I found out her mom had already planned and booked everything for it. It was a co-ed shower that she hosted at a very expensive reception site (where most people have their wedding receptions) for approx. 100+ people. She also made all the centerpieces and everything. It was almost like we went to another wedding reception but with no wedding. We even dressed up in suit and cocktail dress.

          So, I say, usually it is the MOH responsibility to host but the costs are usually shared.
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          #15 JOSIE

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            Posted 23 April 2009 - 10:52 AM

            Thanks to everyone for all the great responses! Being my first time with the wedding stuff, and having a pretty laid back personality, I'm lost on etiquitte! I do agree that she'll be bearing a big expense to come to my wedding, so there is a trade off involoved. Thanks for putting things in perspective and I think I'll chat with the other 4 bridesmaids and maybe they can take over some basic costs like napkins, silverware, plates etc...

            You guys have never had alcohol at a wedding shower! man are you missing out :) !!
            11.28.2009

            #16 JOSIE

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              Posted 23 April 2009 - 10:57 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by litl_april
              I feel like I completely know and understand your pain! I am getting married in June and am MOH for a friend in August! She has been very specific about what she wants and I don't know how to approach her in saying I just can't afford some of what she wants. She's the type who, even not as a bride, expects to get what she wants and holds a lengthy grudge if she doesn't get it. She is not attending my wedding so it sure doesn't feel like much of a "trade" as some have mentioned. It is definately painful as she also has not even offered to pay for a single expense I've had with her wedding thus far. I don't think she'll even be purchasing our jewlery. I wish I had advice for you, but really just my own story to know you're not alone in this. I hope your friend comes around or at least some of her bridesmaids and realizes you can't pay for this alone!!
              Thanks for this post! In addition to my wedding, and my best friends wedding where I'm the MOH in July, I'm also standing up for a wedding in August - and the bride is just like this!! Worst of all, I'm not even her MOH but she calls me pouting that she wants to have 3 bridal showers (1 family, 1 friend, and 1 grooms family)!! She wants me to put together a "friend shower" for her and also come to both of the other 2 showers!! I like that 3 of my friends are all engaged and we are all SUCH different brides. Its good to be able to vent and know other brides in this forum are also standing up for people with some crazy needs!

              Thanks for sharing your story...just had to let you know I can relate
              11.28.2009

              #17 Kristy!

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                Posted 23 April 2009 - 11:10 AM

                Just a note about alcohol, we usually do a punch bowl. It gets refilled once and that's it.

                Don't let everyone stick you with the whole bill. That's crazy!

                #18 **~Jenn~**

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                  Posted 23 April 2009 - 12:46 PM

                  Yes..Definitely contact the other Bridesmaids!!
                  My MOH (sister) was in charge, but she had everyone (My bridesmaids and close friends who asked to be involved) meet at her house twice before my shower.
                  Once to plan everything and another time to put things together (favors, they wrapped all of the utensils in napkins & etc..)
                  I am surprised that the other bridemaids haven't called you and asked to help. BUt since they haven't, I would send a mass e-mail or make some calls and say "
                  ok..this is what's planned...and this is what's left to do..Who wants to do what??"
                  LOL
                  Good Luck! :-)
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                  #19 litl_april

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                    Posted 24 April 2009 - 01:33 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by JPJCWedding
                    Thanks for this post! In addition to my wedding, and my best friends wedding where I'm the MOH in July, I'm also standing up for a wedding in August - and the bride is just like this!! Worst of all, I'm not even her MOH but she calls me pouting that she wants to have 3 bridal showers (1 family, 1 friend, and 1 grooms family)!! She wants me to put together a "friend shower" for her and also come to both of the other 2 showers!! I like that 3 of my friends are all engaged and we are all SUCH different brides. Its good to be able to vent and know other brides in this forum are also standing up for people with some crazy needs!

                    Thanks for sharing your story...just had to let you know I can relate
                    Isn't it interesting to see all the different needs of friends when their weddings come around?! I've actually had some tell me that I should be requesting more, but this is just the way I am.
                    I shared because I know that I like to hear the actual story of why someone tells me they can relate, so it's possible others like the same, rather than the standard "I know what you mean." lol. That's crazy though, 3 weddings in 1 year! Girl, I feel for you, my own has been more than enough to plan for!

                    #20 cougs

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                      Posted 24 April 2009 - 01:34 AM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by JPJCWedding
                      Thanks for this post! In addition to my wedding, and my best friends wedding where I'm the MOH in July, I'm also standing up for a wedding in August - and the bride is just like this!! Worst of all, I'm not even her MOH but she calls me pouting that she wants to have 3 bridal showers (1 family, 1 friend, and 1 grooms family)!! She wants me to put together a "friend shower" for her and also come to both of the other 2 showers!! I like that 3 of my friends are all engaged and we are all SUCH different brides. Its good to be able to vent and know other brides in this forum are also standing up for people with some crazy needs!

                      Thanks for sharing your story...just had to let you know I can relate
                      wow that's a whole lotta weddings for one year!!! i am SO glad i'm finally to the age where most of my friends have been married already (unfortunately, they are all divorced too, lol). you're right about how brides are all so different in what they think are "must-haves" and "must-dos!"

                      if a friend of mine said she wanted 3 showers i would ask her how it feels to want, lol. that said, i ended up with 3: one co-ed thrown by friends, one all-women thrown by family/bridal party, and i have a work shower coming up next week, lol (no one but me attended more than one tho ... it's unreal to expect people to come to more than one!). i didn't even think i should have *any* shower, with how much the wedding is costing people, and i ended up with 3! i couldn't imagine whining about WANTING all those parties. how greedy. and she is marrying into his family ... why can't both sides be at the same shower? (unless they are from totally different areas and it's just not feasible)




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