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Shower the role of the MOH?


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#1 JOSIE

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    Posted 21 April 2009 - 04:47 PM

    Hi Guys! Not only am I planning my own DW for this Nov. But I'm also the MOH in my best friends (and roommate's) wedding (which is local) this July. She is having a HUGE traditional wedding and of course I am very happy for her. I was told several months ago by her sister in law that we should start planning the shower together.

    So, now all of a sudden I'm enthralled in planning her wedding shower, which is fun but she's invited more than 70 people. We've had to rent out a place, buy centerpieces, favors, food, alcohol, the whole 9 yards, for over 70 people! It's starting to cost me over 1K....and then I read online today that the maid of honor doesn't even normally throw the shower!!

    I'm over the money spent and am happy to be a part of this, and don't want to bring it up to my roomie and best friend. I think she would be hurt if she knew it was costing this much and she probably didn't even realize it. She is the first one of our group of friends to get married. My real question is....is it normally the role of the MOH to be in charge of the shower?

    Thanks Girls!
    11.28.2009

    #2 tylersgirl

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      Posted 21 April 2009 - 05:04 PM

      Hey Josie-I know that my MOH (my sis) is planning my shower along with my close friends. We will have 14 people hosting it and they are each spending about $200 on it. I think it is usually the MOH's that are in charge.

      #3 mich999

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        Posted 21 April 2009 - 05:47 PM

        I've thrown a wedding shower every time I was a MOH (3 times) and several times when I wasn't, with a group of people. My MOH (sis) and she threw my bridal shower. That being said, that doesn't mean you have to bear the cost yourself, especially for one so large - I hope the sister in law and who ever is helping you plan is also helping with costs. Often all the bridesmaids chip in together for the shower or the families help a little too (especially if both sides are included in one shower) - I don't think there's a hard and fast rule. The only one I ever read is that the mother of the bride is not supposed to throw the shower.

        #4 jax_the_beach_bride

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          Posted 21 April 2009 - 05:50 PM

          is it bad if your MOH never threw u a shower? because mine didnt and i feel a bit sad for losing out on that experience??

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          #5 ~Debra~

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            Posted 21 April 2009 - 06:34 PM

            I was the MOH in a friend's wedding and I was in charge of throwing the shower. That said, the bridemaids are supposed to help and typically they do as well as split the costs with the MOH. Its not something you should have to do by yourself. My MOH is planning my shower along with my bridesmaids and they are all splitting the costs. I think if you should have a talk with the sister in law if she is willing to chip in with the costs and help. I don't think its right for you to pay for the entire thing by yourself.

            When I was the MOH in my friend's wedding, she had 3 bridesmaids and only one was willing to help me. The other two were, essentially, useless. In that situation, it was left to me and one bridesmaid to split the costs that four people should have been splitting. I hope that's not your situation.

            #6 cougs

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              Posted 21 April 2009 - 06:36 PM

              the MOH should be in charge of the planning, but in NO way should you be bearing all the costs yourself. with a huge wedding and shower, i imagine she is likely having several bridesmaids (maybe 5 or 6)--they should ALL be helping out with planning, and the total cost should be split evenly amongst you all! (it's also not unheard of for moms, sisters, or other close relatives to offer to chip in, although they certainly have no obligation to.)

              oh, and alcohol is NOT a must at a bridal shower. you could kill off a lot of the cost by eliminating that or limiting it to just beer/wine.

              #7 ~Debra~

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                Posted 21 April 2009 - 06:42 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by mummergirl
                the MOH should be in charge of the planning, but in NO way should you be bearing all the costs yourself. with a huge wedding and shower, i imagine she is likely having several bridesmaids (maybe 5 or 6)--they should ALL be helping out with planning, and the total cost should be split evenly amongst you all! (it's also not unheard of for moms, sisters, or other close relatives to offer to chip in, although they certainly have no obligation to.)

                oh, and alcohol is NOT a must at a bridal shower. you could kill off a lot of the cost by eliminating that or limiting it to just beer/wine.

                I was going to say I've never been to a shower where they serve alcohol....Sounds like a shower I'd love to get an invitation to though! LOL

                #8 cougs

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                  Posted 21 April 2009 - 06:43 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by jax_the_beach_bride
                  is it bad if your MOH never threw u a shower? because mine didnt and i feel a bit sad for losing out on that experience??
                  you guys are a young couple and could probably really use the shower for establishing your home together. i'd say maybe it's still coming, but your wedding is so close now ... it's very possible that since you are doing a DW no one thought the same rules applied. i know i personally told everyone NOT to buy us gifts, and that i didn't expect a shower, because the wedding was costing everyone so much (no one listened--i had not one, but two!). if you are having an AHR maybe you'll get gifts then! had you registered anywhere, and if so, did you let your MOH and bridal party know? do you think your MOH could have afforded to throw you one, as well as attend your wedding?

                  #9 jax_the_beach_bride

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                    Posted 21 April 2009 - 07:04 PM

                    i dont think she would have been able to afford it... ur right.. we are young and none of us know what is involved in the wedding process since im getting married well before many of my friends are even thinking about that! But.. even if it was something where a bunch of ladies got together at a house .. that would have been sufficient for me!! o well.. im not complaining.. shower or no shower we are going to have a great wedding

                    Mr. & Mrs. Reid
                    All my life, I prayed for someone like you... and I thank God that I finally found you!


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                    #10 litl_april

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                      Posted 21 April 2009 - 07:04 PM

                      I feel like I completely know and understand your pain! I am getting married in June and am MOH for a friend in August! She has been very specific about what she wants and I don't know how to approach her in saying I just can't afford some of what she wants. She's the type who, even not as a bride, expects to get what she wants and holds a lengthy grudge if she doesn't get it. She is not attending my wedding so it sure doesn't feel like much of a "trade" as some have mentioned. It is definately painful as she also has not even offered to pay for a single expense I've had with her wedding thus far. I don't think she'll even be purchasing our jewlery. I wish I had advice for you, but really just my own story to know you're not alone in this. I hope your friend comes around or at least some of her bridesmaids and realizes you can't pay for this alone!!




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