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FMIL driving me crazy!

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#1 destinationbridegina

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    Posted 20 April 2009 - 01:20 AM

    I have always gotten along with my fiance's mother, but lately, I cannot stand her....my FI doesn't understand why I"m feeling the way I'm feeling, and I shouldn't make a big deal about it. but I dunno...

    The thing that makes me angry is that she had actually went to my FBIL's gf, and told her she was my maid of honor when I had told her i already had my wedding party picked out. .........., and I don't wanna be a beotch, but OMGGGGGGGGG.........what f****** right does she have by asking someone to be in my wedding party, let alone my maid of honor. Last but not least, the gf came to me the other day saying that my FI's MOM bought her the dress she's going to wear for the wedding when she stands beside me....and apparently she had gotten herself a black & pink dress when those aren't even my colours...

    I told my FMIL that i want coral to be the colour, and then guess what she did..... she went out and bought a coral dress for herself to wear for the wedding!!!! I had a talk with her about it and she said to me, that I can choose a lighter or darker coral for my wedding party..

    maybe i'm goin a little bit crazy.. but this all happened within 2 days of each other.......i don't exactly know how to deal with my FBIL's gf either......:/

    #2 Inked1

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      Posted 20 April 2009 - 06:45 AM

      That is just bizarre behavior on your FMIL's part. Your FI is nuts to think you shouldn't be upset about that, I cannot imagine a scenario where anyone but you should be choosing and asking your wedding party.

      Considering your wedding date I would guess you have either asked or asking your WP soon to stand up for you. Unfortunately your FMIL has put you in the awkward position of telling your uninvited "moh" thanks, but no thanks. I wish I had more advice to offer but it sounds like you will have to tell this woman she is not in your wedding party.

      Though your FI could give you some support by telling his mother she needs to let go of the reins and let his future wife plan her wedding. Even if he doesn't understand it he should support you first and foremost. Good Luck!

      #3 becks



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      Posted 20 April 2009 - 07:07 AM

      Wait... what? I was seriously expecting a "just kidding" at the bottom of your post.

      She WHAT? And your FI did NOTHING?

      First, you need to have a heart to heart with him. He needs to squash this behavior now or your FMIL is going to think she can run every detail of your life. Right down to the kind of dish soap you use and which hand you wear your watch on. This needs to stop, it needs to stop now and your FI has to be the one to tell her to back off.

      With regard to your FBIL's gf, unless you really want her as part of your wedding party, have a heart to heart with her. Tell her that you care for her, that you enjoy spending time with her but that your heart was set on having your very dearest and oldest friends/sister/whomever as your wedding party and that your FMIL was out of line setting such expectations. To make your point, remind FBIL's gf that if it had been a sincere request, don't you think you would have made it yourself. Then give her some other task - guest book, usher, program distributor... whatever. As for the dress, again, tell her that she is welcome to wear it, but that if it isn't just what she wants, she shouldn't feel obliged.

      But get your FI to be a man and stand up to his mommy - or you will suffer FOREVER. Believe me... I know aaaaaaallllll about this one.

      Happily married since 2008

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      #4 YoursTruly

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        Posted 20 April 2009 - 10:08 AM

        I am so there with Becks! you MUST let FI know tha you are not pitting him against his mom but he needs to know that you will not be disrespected like that. He needs to become unifed with YOU and even though there are things that will come up, bottom line is there are things that happen in your household that impact how he will now interact with HIS family and decisions with his mom and family that impact how he runs his household with you. He needs to man up and know that YOUR feelings are top priority and he needs to nip that shyt in the bud now with the FMIL. I too have SUFFERED so on this subject (don't get me started) and its one of those things that cannot slide by. Wish you well!

        #5 lakerbride

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          Posted 20 April 2009 - 12:03 PM

          Girl I feel for you- I don't have a FMIL to deal with and sometimes I think that's a good thing. You're getting great advice on this forum- all I can add is be very diplomatic and try to keep the emotions checked because the fall out will stay with you for a long time!

          #6 Hartyt509

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            Posted 20 April 2009 - 04:53 PM

            Oh I know where you are coming from lol Only my FMIL wouldn't DARE pull that shite or i'll pull her head off, and I mean litterally!

            FI needs to stand up to her, Becks is right this will go on forever unless he stamps on it now. You also need to speak to FMIL's gf and tell her FMIL had no right to say what she did and you're sorry but you've already asked someone to take MOH position.

            Oh and one final thing tell her NOTHING in the future and if she asks bloody lie lol

            #7 Ana


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            Posted 20 April 2009 - 06:59 PM

            ummm I'm sorry....WHAT!?!?!?! that is insane!! I have nothing more really to add to this, except that your FMIL sounds super delusional. Did you tell the gf and fmil that they weren't in the wedding party?!

            #8 bride7474

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              Posted 20 April 2009 - 08:54 PM

              Wow!! That is CRAZY!!!! I would be LIVID if my FMIL did that to me! Did you already ask someone else to be your MOH?

              #9 destinationbridegina

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                Posted 21 April 2009 - 12:32 AM

                I had a talk with my FI, and all he has to say is... Just don't listen to her, you have final say.. but it'd be one thing if it were all talk.. but she's actually taking action. I had already picked out my wedding party.. already had 5 girls from the start, my two sisters included who I had picked as my matron of honor and maid of honor.
                it's not t hat i would be dead set against having my FBIL's gf in my wedding party, but now it feels like there's so much pressure. She's definitely not my moh though. I'm trying not to turn his family against me, and I'm doing my best to be respectful.. You guys think i should just let them think whatever they want, cause everything I seem to be saying to my FMIL seems to be irrelevant in her eyes.. Thanks guys for listening, for awhile there i thought maybe i was just overreacting. :) :)

                #10 jax_the_beach_bride

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                  Posted 21 April 2009 - 01:09 AM

                  Oh boy oh boy!! Guys are typical when it comes to coflicts that might hurt someone's feelings!! My FI would not stand up to his dad and step mother when it came to our plans for the wedding and for the longest time I was the one to blame for the fact that we chose to do a DW! When FI finally grew his set of balls and set things straight with them things were so much easier to deal with! It came to the point where I dredded going to their place because the tension between us was unbelievable! U should tell ur FI that it hurts ur feelings that she is undermining ur plans for the wedding and that if he doesn't address this issue now... She is going to be the dictator of ur relationship!!!! You have got to stand ur ground and any sensible person would know that her actions are ridiculous! I'd tell her she can donate the dress she bought because she's not ur BM and u don't want her dress clashing with ur wedding colours! I'm so angry for u!! I don't think she would know what to say after I gave her an earful of what I got LOL ... Just know this is YOUR wedding not hers... PERIOD

                  Mr. & Mrs. Reid
                  All my life, I prayed for someone like you... and I thank God that I finally found you!


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