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My FI hates my cats

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#21 IslamoradaBride

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    Posted 20 April 2009 - 11:12 AM

    I agree with everyone else-- your FI is being unfair to you and the cats. Honestly, I would seriously question a relationship with someone who wanted me to get rid of my pets. And think about breaking it off. Keeping them cooped up in the basement or an apartment all day is just cruel in my opinion.

    #22 GracieBebe

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      Posted 20 April 2009 - 04:00 PM

      If you are wavering and letting him know that you are possbily considering the option of removing the cats from the house, he is going to instinctively/subconsciously jump on that. That is why he is pursuing that line of thought, because he knows it might be a possibility that you will give in. If you stand a firm ground and let him know that they are your children and it's not an option to move them, if he really cares and loves you, he would eventually adjust to the "inconvenience", because that's all it really is, an inconvenience. It's like asking someone who's not a morning person to wake up everyday at 6:00 am. They may not like it, but eventually, their body/mind will adjust to it. Your cats need time to adjust not sleeping with you and your FH needs time to adjust having you and your babies in the house. 7 wks is not a lot of time to adjust. It took my FH and me 4-5 months before we fell into a normal routine and pattern. The first 1-2 months were a nightmare, fighting all the time and getting used to each other. Best of luck!
      - Grace
      Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
      Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
      Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
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      #23 Hartyt509

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        Posted 20 April 2009 - 04:16 PM

        I don't like cats myself but I am a dog person and had my baby a long time before I met FI. I was lucky FI is a dog handler in the army so animals were never an issue with us my issue is saying no more can live here lol

        However I told him when I first met him if my meggy didn't like him he was gone and I seriously meant it.

        FI is trying it on please don't give in, I know you think he is the love of your life but if he's being like this now god help you in the future. You need to dig your heels in no matter the consequences, you took the cats on it's not right to get rid of them because some bloke decides a time later he doesn't want them.

        #24 tguerre

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          Posted 20 April 2009 - 04:17 PM

          I can completely relate. My fiance is not a dog person. He and my dog along great when ever we were at his or my house. Once we combined households my dog started following me everywhere. She was no longer allowed to sleep in my bed and eventually would put her tail down and hide from my fiance. My fiance wanted my dog to love him and listen to him like she does me. He read a few books on dogs and has a better understanding that dogs only have 1 master, her breed doesn't like male voices, and he needs to earn her respect. Things have gotten better, but we still have our days. I do try to encourage their relationship by having him do most of the positive things like feed her and give her treats while I am the discliplinarian. Very similar to having a stepchild. Which I have a 9 year old step daughter to be too. Thank goodness she adores me and is my velcro child. I wish you the best of luck. It is very hard when you want everyone to get along and you are in the middle.
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          #25 super19

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            Posted 20 April 2009 - 04:25 PM

            I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I know how emotional this subject is. About a year ago, my FI and I moved in together. We had major issues with our cats getting along and it went on for months. We reached our bowling point and we took our frustrations out on each other. We were fighting all the time over about it.

            From personal experience I can tell you that it will get better. I think you both just need to give it extra time and patience. Cats aren't good with change and it will take them a considerable amount of time to adjust. Hang in there, a year from now, the two of you will be laughing about it all.

            #26 JOSIE

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              Posted 20 April 2009 - 04:45 PM

              I'm just now reading this and it crushes me! I have a kitty that I absolutely adore and I know I could never give him up! At times it is rough for my FI because the cat loves to sleep with me, and follows me everywhere etc, but I think most of the other girls are right when they say to give it some more time. I would ask your FI if you can give it a few more months to see if his feelings change before any drastic decisions are made. Good Luck- best of luck to you!

              #27 jk1101

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                Posted 21 April 2009 - 10:11 AM

                I cannot thank you enough for all of your words of support. You've really given me a lot of strength!
                I also talked with my therapist yesterday (I'e had one for years...not just for this)
                I've told FI that we have to work this out in a way that will be good for my and my cats because they are a part of me...
                and for him because he and I are together as a couple now

                ...his biggest issue is that he's not getting sleep because they cry.

                I'm trying to help him understand that this will take time...and like many of us, he's not a patient person and very stubborn.

                But he loves me, and doesn't want to lose me over cats or over anything, so i know we will work this out.

                1 step at a time, but we will. I'd like it to be all better all at once, but life doesn't work that way...lol

                Thank you so much again. You guys are awesome!!!!

                #28 GracieBebe

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                  Posted 21 April 2009 - 12:52 PM

                  if the temporary crying is getting to him, can he try ear plugs? I had to stay at a hotel once where the walls were so thin you could hear people having normal conversations, showering, everything through the walls and it was LOUD!!! I bought earplugs and they drowned out everything and they were pretty comfortable to sleep with. Maybe as a temporary solution, he could wear earplugs until the cats learn not to cry at night. Hope that helps.
                  - Grace
                  Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
                  Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
                  Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
                  Our Pro wedding photo website:http://fanelliweddin....l&startIndex=0Our wedding planning website:http://www.mywedding...graceandmichael

                  #29 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 21 April 2009 - 01:49 PM

                    I've got a solution to stop them crying lol tell him if they weren't in the frigging basement they wouldn't cry cause he wouldn't like it in there lol or dose him up on calpol for a few weeks lol

                    #30 KLC77

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                      Posted 21 April 2009 - 02:30 PM

                      Have you tried making the cats their own special place in another room in the house? When I stopped letting my two sleep in the bed one of them was not happy at all and would keep me up, not to mention I felt terrible about it. I bought them new fuzzy cat beds and set up an area in the living room for them. I also bought a big fluffly blanket and put it on a chair we don't really use in the living room. They love that blanket and sleep on it all day every day. I think that unless the basement is finished and they have a place of their own, putting them down there at night is probably viewed as punishment. They're lonely! Ooh, and Pledge makes a new cat hair remover for furniture. I haven't bought one yet, but the commercial looks good.

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