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Uninvited Guests

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#1 Marie

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    Posted 19 April 2009 - 03:24 PM

    One of the pros to having a destination wedding (or so you would think) is you dont have to worry about those unwanted, univited guests showing up or showing up as someone elses guest.

    I'm from a very small town, where we all know eachother-but doesnt mean we all like eachother. The traditional wedding is in a hall- and usually by the end of the night, you have random people show up--people that you didnt like in high school, people that cause fights, people that were...say...."too flirty" with your finace etc etc...

    The point is--we all have people we avoid inviting, and perhaps secrelty worry they'll somehow find a way to your wedding.

    Well, we decided to go to Jamaica...so I didnt have to worry about ANY of that right? WRONG.

    We have a total of 28 people confirmed. We only invited immediate family, aunts/uncles/cousins and our very best friends that we currently hang out with.

    Now, theres a number of "univited guests" taging along with some of our guests....these people are people we know--but did NOT invite.

    I understand the resort is NOT MY resort, I know anyone can go there---fine....but come on!!! These are people that we are not friends with, I certainly dont want them at the wedding, and never mind having them to hang out with us for an entire week!

    I'm not the type ofperson to confront these people and tell them how it bothers me......my friends say to relax, who cares....ignore them......it just bothers me so much.

    And these people who are asking others to join the group...are people we arent close with...for example, my fiances best friend's GF is asking her sister and her bf to come down......(the sister is an ex gf of my fiance.....and the first few years, she was always there causing trouble for us....trying to make me jeous...I despise her.....I want her nowhere around us EVER)...AND NOW SHE AND HER BF ARE COMIGN TO OUR WEDDING? Then theres another gf of one of my fiances friends, and she too is taking her sister along........

    Maybe Im wrong to be venting?? I cant stop anyone from travelling....but its going to be incredibly awkward having thses "univited" guests down ont her esort, constantly with our group--and then the day of the wedding, Ill lookl ike a bitch if I dont invite them..Im just not keen on paying 55 bucks a person for people I didnt originally invite........

    WHy am I letting this bother me so much? And what makes these INVITED guests think its ok to ask people to the resort with us.....and then what makes these UNIVITED guests think its ok to go.......*sigh*

    #2 michellepicksbrent

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    • 1,448 posts

      Posted 19 April 2009 - 03:32 PM

      While you cannot stop the drama-seeking ex-gf of your FH, surely there must be some way that you can stop her from attending your wedding ceremony and/or reception?! Hopefully it all works out for you.

      #3 Marie

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        Posted 19 April 2009 - 03:45 PM

        Yes, lol..drama-seeking ex gf is EXACTKY what she is, lol....I laugh to myself kinda, about how long ago everything was now with her---we're together 9 years now, so Im talking high school stuff...its just not the point.......it's our wedding day.......shes not going to get a warm smile and welcoming invite from me.

        I just cant believe that we're travelling so far from home to have our special day--and are still managing to get 5 or 6 uninvited guests already....and 2 of them have even called OUR group booking TA! LOL...to try and get our group rate--without even talking to us......

        I just dont get people, period.

        #4 Marie

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          Posted 19 April 2009 - 03:46 PM

          (and I guess its not our wedding they're all so eager to attend, but rather the week of partying...)

          #5 KLC77

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            Posted 19 April 2009 - 11:51 PM

            You could make it clear to people that while you can't decide who goes to the resort, their "extra" guests will not be invited to your wedding. Some people don't realize that there are still costs to a dw and you shouldn't have to pay for univited guests. This would at least mean you don't have to hang out with them on your wedding night.

            Our Awesome Wedding Pics: http://www.delsolpho...ings/kelly&ron/

            #6 Jingles202

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              Posted 20 April 2009 - 12:34 AM

              That last comment is very true. I would make it clear that they are not invited to the ceremony, cocktail hour, reception....as I am sure, as with many DW's there are additional costs! GRRR! I feel your pain!

              #7 sdnative222

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                Posted 20 April 2009 - 01:52 AM

                I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. You are not over-reacting. This is the perfect venue to vent your frustrations. It's rude and thoughtless of your uninvited guests to assume they will be welcome without an official invite in hand. I don't see why they couldn't tag along for the week's activities...and you would seem the bigger person by acknowledging their attendance. However, you do not have to feel obligated to invite your FH ex-gf to your wedding or reception. I'm sure you could find a way to forward this information to the appropriate parties well before anyone buys airline tix or attempts to book hotel rooms.

                Many years ago, I attended a destination wedding. It was 4 days in Vegas (bachelor/bachelorette/wedding weekend). Needless to say, it was a whirlwind. Long story short, I had to bring another friend along. He was able to join in on the bachelor party shenanigans, but did not attend the wedding party. The bride simply pulled me aside and calmly expressed the financial and logistic difficulties. No harm, no foul. No feelings were hurt. Hopefully, you can get a similar message across....the sooner the better.
                Jocelynn and Shawn
                Got Maui'd on November 8,2008

                #8 drbrainfreeze

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                  Posted 20 April 2009 - 01:29 PM


                  I agree. It sucks that they are coming down there, but you are in NO way obligated t pay for them. $55 pp adds up really really quicky. Maybe you can have them come join you for the rehearsal dinner since that is free, but thats it. Tell your friends to explain to them that the wedding is for your closest friends and family, and that you are trying to keep costs down. Just remember, that day is about you and FO and the beginning of your lives together, so don't let anything get you down!!!

                  #9 YoursTruly

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                    Posted 20 April 2009 - 02:20 PM

                    I would say that you are causing yourself undue stress my dear. It is very simple. Your wedding AND reception is by invitation ONLY. You do not have to go into the intircacies of what is extra and whatever else becuz you do not want them there. Plain and simple. If your FI BF Girlfriend wants to go inviting the world then let her entertain them!

                    #10 Erica053009

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                      Posted 20 April 2009 - 03:05 PM

                      Oh my god I thought it was just me...one of the groomsmen inviting his entire family. I didn't invite anyone to his wedding why would he invite poeple to my wedding, now it is an extra like $600 I have to pay for them to come. Not only him another couple who I still don't know how they made it on the invite list to begin with (we never thought they would come) are inviting friends as well. My FI and I feel so weird we invited all of them to join us at the wedding now I am regretting that...there goes my small intimate wedding of only people I know and love

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