Am I crazy?/What would you do?

[YoursTruly]

I have a huge problem with addressing each other as if we have ownership or the whole parent child hierarchy. I guess I am way too laid back to tell my husband I am not allowing him to do something. I would voice concerns and ask that he take it into consideration and things work well that way. He is not my child so I think its wrong to tell a grown person that they are not allowed. Kind of like that whole "wives submit" reference in the wedding vows......

[Yari]

Quote:

Originally Posted by YoursTruly I have a huge problem with addressing each other as if we have ownership or the whole parent child hierarchy. I guess I am way too laid back to tell my husband I am not allowing him to do something. I would voice concerns and ask that he take it into consideration and things work well that way. He is not my child so I think its wrong to tell a grown person that they are not allowed. Kind of like that whole "wives submit" reference in the wedding vows......

Very well said!

This is probably going to come off bitchy, but I'm pregnant so deal with it.

Also, this is not meant for the thread starter at all...just to the ladies who "told" their husbands they are not "allowed" to do this or do that and they have to get a mani or stay at the hotel and be waiting on their beckon call. WTF? Marriage is a partnership not an ownership...you do not own them, they are not property. If my husband told me on my wedding day that I couldn't do something and I needed to be with him the whole morning I would have fled the scence. Your poor FI's and DH's, they should run for the hills...

[boscobel]

Ditto. (typing more...)

Quote:

Originally Posted by YoursTruly I have a huge problem with addressing each other as if we have ownership or the whole parent child hierarchy. I guess I am way too laid back to tell my husband I am not allowing him to do something. I would voice concerns and ask that he take it into consideration and things work well that way. He is not my child so I think its wrong to tell a grown person that they are not allowed. Kind of like that whole "wives submit" reference in the wedding vows......

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari Very well said!   This is probably going to come off bitchy, but I'm pregnant so deal with it.   Also, this is not meant for the thread starter at all...just to the ladies who "told" their husbands they are not "allowed" to do this or do that and they have to get a mani or stay at the hotel and be waiting on their beckon call. WTF? Marriage is a partnership not an ownership...you do not own them, they are not property. If my husband told me on my wedding day that I couldn't do something and I needed to be with him the whole morning I would have fled the scence. Your poor FI's and DH's, they should run for the hills...

[kiki317]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari Very well said! This is probably going to come off bitchy, but I'm pregnant so deal with it. Also, this is not meant for the thread starter at all...just to the ladies who "told" their husbands they are not "allowed" to do this or do that and they have to get a mani or stay at the hotel and be waiting on their beckon call. WTF? Marriage is a partnership not an ownership...you do not own them, they are not property. If my husband told me on my wedding day that I couldn't do something and I needed to be with him the whole morning I would have fled the scence. Your poor FI's and DH's, they should run for the hills...

I'm with you honey! My FI would have told me he was going fishing not asked- we don't ask each other's permission for anything. and to be honest i actually would be jelous because i'd rather be out fishing too than be sitting around getting my hair done for the wedding! let him relax and do what he wants- you're not his mother.

[Carie]

I agree with Yari and Alyssa it's their trip too! They should be able to have fun as well! My husband went fishing the day before our wedding and I was happy that he got out with his buddies! Us girls took that as our chance to go shopping. And if you worried that you guests will be upset well then so be it your soon to be husband also paid for his trip and should be allowed to enjoy it.

[Kristy!]

My FI is going ATVing on our wedding day. I don't want all the guys hanging around. I actually asked him what he was planning to do with the guys that day. I told him to take my dad too!

 

Tell your FI to go and have fun. I'm sure he's responsible enough not to come back wasted or miss the wedding. Remember, he WANTS to marry you, so he's not going to screw it up.

[Sapphire723]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhonda Hey Ladies! Thanks so much for all of your responses! I have mixed feelings about it all- I definitely want him to enjoy the day (without me). I told him already, that if he hadn't asked me, I wouldn't have even known that he was gone since I'll be busy hanging with the girls and getting ready. But, now, I'm sure I'll worry that something might go wrong (I'm a worrier)....they'll be fishing on a boat--little risky on the wedding day (IMO). I think it would ease my mind if he went a different day or just did something like snorkeling at the resort. I guess he doesn't need to be there all day on the day before the wedding, but, I thought OTHER people might be wondering why he's not around...you know what I mean? But, I guess it doesn't matter....so, I suggested that he go the day before instead...now, he's just pissed about the whole thing...I told him he shouldn't have even asked me my opininon then...just do what you want...right now, I have no time to play these games! (Sorry, just venting a bit)

First of all, I don't think the fishing is super risky, so it's not something you should be overly concerned with. Secondly, if he is going to get hurt in any way (which I don't think is probable), it would suck almost as much if he did it the day before.

Plus, as far as what the guests think, many of them will spend a bit of time on the wedding day getting themselves ready (I know I would if I were a guest), so they won't be wondering where you and your FI are. I think they would wonder more where he was the day before, and you wouldn't get to spend time with him.

If it's timing you're worrying about (such as him coming back late), talk to the guys he's going with and make sure they all know what time they need to be back (and that they'll have to deal with a freaking out bride if they're late). Just ask them nicely to be careful, don't get too loaded, come back on time, and wear sunscreen. Then don't worry about it and go with the flow of the day.

Don't think of it so much as him asking your opinion and not caring. I'm sure he was just being courteous so you knew what he'd be up to, and I don't think that he believed you'd have a problem with it. Think of it this way, would you rather worry slightly over something that isn't a big deal or start your marriage off with him resenting you? Trying to control what he does with his free time from Day 1 of the marriage might snowball into a much bigger argument down the line on how he resents not being able to do what he wants when he wants to go watch a game with the guys or go golfing or whatever. Then, you won't really have any leeway on the occasions when it's very important to you that he not do whatever it is he wants to do.

I say, tell him you hope he catches a big fish, but you can't wait for him to watch his "catch of the day" walk down the isle. Then, have a mimosa with the girls and enjoy your pampering!

[Kristy!]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapphire723 I say, tell him you hope he catches a big fish, but you can't wait for him to watch his "catch of the day" walk down the isle. Then, have a mimosa with the girls and enjoy your pampering!

LOL, I love it!

By the way, I thought a day-of activity for the guys was the normal thing to do. I doubt your guests will be keeping tabs on him, so I wouldn't even give that another thought.

[Mel&B]

My WC took care of this for me. She strongly recommended that FI didn't go fishing on the day of the wedding, so we are taking her advice. He's going fishing and golfing earlier in the week while I hang out with my girls.

[tylersgirl]

Yeah, I am with you Melissa. Tyler is not going fishing, but doing something else fun