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big3n09

I need to move.....but!

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Me and FI have been together going on 5 years and the date is set. I have been opposed to living together before we're married so we haven't but now we need to be saving money, if I move it would help. I have been in my house 7 years mostly by myself and very comfortable. So I had a break down last night talking and thinking about it. I'm not sure if I'm scared or because now I have to be in another surrounding that's not going to be as comfortable as my house. I really feel like I'm loosing a limb and I don't know what to do. I mean I know I have to move but I need some MAJOR motivation. FI has 3 kids that come and go and I have none and have lived peacefully and very clean in my house the way I wanted to. I live out of all my closets and just feel like I'm loosing everything, like the ground is coming from under me. The one thing I did come up with today is I can have a packing party with my girls, that made me feel a little motivated. Can anybody relate or offer me advice/motivation to get over it and move.

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Well, I can't say I 100% relate as I have been living with my FI for almost 3 years already - BUT I do think it's a good idea, not just for saving money - but allowing you to merge your lives as a couple. When you live together you really see all of the little things that a person does/doesn't do, you have to learn how to work as a team to get things done and make sacrifices. It's all sort of practice for when you make the switch FOREVER, I mean, I think it's smart personally to make sure that you can really truly work well as a team and communicate. But, hey, that's my perspective. Hopefully your FI will be accommodating and allow you to have input, ie give you enough space/let you decorate, and you can start to build a home together merging everything together under one roof. I am sure it will be a huge adjustment at first though, but I am sure with some mutual compromise you can make it work (like you would have to once you are married anyway).

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I have to agree w/ sjmacphe. Ultimately you are going to move in together. unless you have religious reasons for holding you back I think you should do it! Life together is MUCH different when you actually live together. You learn ALOT more about each other. Joe & I moved in together because we practically lived together anyway. We finally got to a point that we were always staying the night together at one of our houses.

 

Definitely have a packing party w/ the girls! Drinks and all! Also I don't know if your FI would be comfortable w/ this, but talk to him about maybe changing around things in his house to accomodate you a bit more. Such as rearranging rooms, redecorating, even painting. Something that will make it feel more like yours! Even doing something like this together is really great for your relationship and will help you ease into being together if you redesign the house to accomodate both of you! You're definitely going to feel like you have less space so make a time each week that you and the girls have drinks or dinner. Something to get you out of the "crammed" house and enjoy yourself.

 

it may seem cheesy, but the more you 2 do together around the house the better you are going to feel, such as making breakfast, lunch, dinner together and sitting down and eating. Working in the yard together, redecorating, etc etc. This is a pivotal moment in a relationship and how you two start it off and merge will ultimately really determine where you go.

 

If you haven't already, sit down and talk to FI about how you guys can make this work for both of you. Maybe explain what really makes you feel comfortable at your home. If its cleanliness then definitely discuss it and what you consider clean. Give him the opportunity to do the same, then COMPROMISE!

 

This is going to be a move you would eventually make, and even though its not the timing you really wanted, make the best of it. See the upsides. Its much easier to see things on paper. Write out all pros and cons then discuss them w/ FI. Some things you may think are a con he may make you realize are a pro of moving in w/ him.

 

We are all here to help you through whatever you need! it's a HUGE change but definitely worth it

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My situation was some what similiar to yours, but my DH was the one who lived on his own (no kids though) and I was still living with my dad. However, my dad was never there, so I felt as if I was by myself most of the time. My DH and I didn't want to move in together until we were married; so we waited. When we finally moved in together, things really got hard for me (and I'm sure for him as well). I cried the first few nights because I was sad about not having my own room any more. I was out of my routine and it completely threw me off. I hated that I didn't even have enough room in "our" closet now to hang my clothes. He was completely out of his routine as well because he had never had a room mate or ever lived with a girl period. So, he would get irritated with me for taking too long getting ready in the bathroom or if I had a "girl" show on. We would just get mad at eachother for the dumbest things!! We went through this for about the first 2 months, then we became use to the situation and learned how to live with eachother peacefully.

 

My point is- yes, it will probably be difficult in the beginning because your everyday routine will be changed and you will not have much privacy anymore, but you adjust and will get use to it. After a while, you will look back at it and laugh at the stupid fights you might have had when you first moved in together. Good luck and keep us posted on how the household merge goes!

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I can relate somewhat as I have lived on my own for the past five years. I do enjoy my space but I enjoy being at his place for days at a time. I put my place up for sale in February and just got a buyer a few days ago. We had planned on waiting to live together until after we got married, but it ultimately depended on when my places sales. And since it seems like I have to be out of here by the end of the month, we will have about 3 months of time to live together before we get married. I was practically at his place all the time anyway and I don't feel any anxiety about moving in with him at all. I have asked him several times to make sure he is ok with everything and he is but I am actually ready to sell my place and move into his apartment for the next few months until we find a place together. I do think having a packing party will help you relieve some of the anxiety you are feeling and you should do it. Like someone has said before, you two are going to be living together soon anyway - you should go for it!

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wow not sure what to say about this, other than unless you two want to keep separate residences and continue to visit some compromises have to be made. It will be very hard to adjust I am sure and give up your space, etc but that is a joint decision you two have probably discussed already and decided it would be his house you move in to. As someone else mentioned, just talk this through, especially since this can't be avoided. Good luck

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