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cruisingreece

Family issues and eloping

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I could really use some advice from you gals! I feel like the situation is long and complicated, so I'm going to try to make this as succinct as I can!

 

FI and I want to do an elopement/honeymoon. Basically just go away and get married, then come home and have a nice reception with friends & family. The one thing that is a complication are my parents.

 

I do want my dad to be there at our wedding because it would mean the world to me. He basically said he would go wherever we were. FI is ok with this. The thing is, I don't have a good relationship with my mom. She has not been supportive of my relationship since day one, and is basically just not good for me. But, she and my dad are still married. I cannot justify "inviting" my dad and not inviting her, though I really don't want her there. The only way I can see getting around this is just to elope with my FI, with dad not there, but that would break my heart.

 

Any tips? A second thought I had was to do a small ceremony at home either before or after our trip to have my dad there...but I don't want it to seem hokey.

 

Thanks!

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I am in the same situation but the other way around. My parents are still together, I have invited my mother but I am not inviting my father. I justify it by the reasons you gave, he does not support/respect my relationship and is not good for me. I do not want him there, therefore I am fine with not inviting him.

 

I wouldn't change your plans just for her. Do what you want with the people you want there and don't worry about everyone else. If she doesn't support the relationship there is no reason she should be there, isn't that the main reason you go to a wedding? To support the couple in their life together?

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I definitely don't see you being able to invite your dad and not your mom - since they're still married. What if you got legally married first and had your dad attend that? Then you could go forward with the elopement/honeymoon as planned? Just an idea.

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Is there a chance that because your mother is not supporting she would opt not to go? You could always talk with your father and tell him it is important he be there, give him the travel information and let your mother decide if she actually attends.

 

I guess the real question is would it break your heart just the same if she came along as if you were unable to have Dad there with you? Is her presence something you can grin and bear?

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I would probably invite her and let her decide if she wants to come but can you even deal with her being there. I have never cared for my Father's wife of 15 years we never established a relationship and I really don't want her to come but I'm going to invite her and if she's there then she is, if not good. You have to decide what's most important to you, DW's can be a little tricky. I sometimes worry about if my dad is going to come because of her or if she will pull a last minute stunt, but having the DW is what's most important to me so I'm going along with my plans and let the chips fall where they may.

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