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Are you religious?


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#51 rodent

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    Posted 09 April 2009 - 11:54 AM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TA Maureen
    Just want to offer a different point of view for those worried about "forcing religion" on your children. If you believe in a certian religion and practice it I don't think exposing your children to that by taking them with you to Church (or wherever you to worship) and having them practice your faith with you is forcing it on them. I can't imagine participating in my religion but not having my children join me in that. When they get older it's up to them but when they are children it's up to me and my personal opinion (just mine) is it's better to expose them to something (whatever something is to you) than nothing. Just thought I'd offer up the other side of that coin for whatever it's worth!
    I agree, taking your kids with you when you attend church isn't forcing religion on them. some parents do force it, but i dont think its just by taking kids to church. its more of an overall attitude of not letting the kid make decisions.

    where i struggle is not wanting to force non-religion on a kid by not taking them. luckily i have a while to figure things out, but it's something I've been thinking about for years.

    I went to church a lot as a kid, but it was never forced on me. if i wanted to stay home on a sunday, I could. My mom picked our church based on how good the youth programs were, which is why we switched denominations when we moved. She was the leader of the young girls group & was our conselor at church camp. I was in the kids choir & played handbells. These were all things I really enjoyed as a kid. it was also my own choice to stop going. I really appreciate my mom being so open to letting me be different than her.

    What I struggle with is what to do with my own kids. Do I start going to church just to take them? Let them go with friends? One thing I liked growing up was that I could attend any chuch I wanted. I had friends who were not allowed to attend church with me.

    just as I had friends forced to attend chuch, I also had some that were not allowed to. I want to let me future kids be their own person, I just don't know how to do it. I don't want to attend every sunday, but i wouldnt mind going occasionally so my kids can experience everything, but im not sure if thats confusing.

    anyone else struggling with this?

    #52 ~*Kathy*~

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      Posted 09 April 2009 - 12:00 PM

      Morgan,

      I haven't really given thought to what I would do if/when DH and I have kids although I know for a fact that DH feels very negatively towards Catholicism, so that would be ruled out...for us it would probably be easier to let our kids decide for themselves what they want to do (if anything at all). I can speak from personal experience that my mom used to force my two sisters and I to attend mass with her regularly until I was about 14 and my then 16 year old sister told her that she didn't think it was necessary to force us to go to mass anymore and that we're spiritual in our own ways. My mom was totally pissed at us for a while but I do feel like it is a personal choice that shouldn't be forced upon anyone one way or another. So I guess I am for the "let them decide for themselves" option. :)

      #53 rodent

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        Posted 09 April 2009 - 12:14 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by paraisobeachbride2009
        Morgan,

        I haven't really given thought to what I would do if/when DH and I have kids although I know for a fact that DH feels very negatively towards Catholicism, so that would be ruled out...for us it would probably be easier to let our kids decide for themselves what they want to do (if anything at all). I can speak from personal experience that my mom used to force my two sisters and I to attend mass with her regularly until I was about 14 and my then 16 year old sister told her that she didn't think it was necessary to force us to go to mass anymore and that we're spiritual in our own ways. My mom was totally pissed at us for a while but I do feel like it is a personal choice that shouldn't be forced upon anyone one way or another. So I guess I am for the "let them decide for themselves" option. :)
        yes, I completely agree with letting kids decide for themselves. I'm just not sure how to do that. I haven't attended chuch in about 10 years. I started going less in high school after an incident at my church. i intended to go back eventually, but over the years I started to change until some point in college when i accepted I was agnostic. it was all very gradually, but I'm very solid in who i am now.

        Anyway, i like that my mom allowed me a very natural experience. If she would have forced church on me, I might have continued to attend a little longer, but I know I would have reached the same decision eventually. it's not like she failed me & more forcing would have kept me religious. maybe it would have worked for some people, but I know I would have ended up with the same belief set regardless.

        I am so thankful to have such an amazing mom. I know she isn't thrilled that I'm not religious, but she understands me. All that she has asked is that I take my kids to church. I understand this feeling too. I don't think I would have been happy if I wasn't allowed to attend church as a kid. But, I also don't know how/when to take them.

        I could take them occasionally to a variety of churches when they are younger. Or wait until they are a little older and want to start attending with friends. I've talked to my agnostic friends who were raised by agnostic parents and they just never attended church. In a way I feel like their parents then made that decision for them. but, I guess if they wanted to go at some point they could have gone. I just don't know if it's the parents role to expose their kids to a variety of things or if kids just naturally explore as long as they are allowed.

        I also think my decision will vary based on where we live. where I grew up in south texas, everyone had a church. i think i would have felt like an outcast if I didn't. If I live in an area where there are lots of people who don't attend, maybe it will be simpler.

        #54 rodent

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          Posted 09 April 2009 - 12:39 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by TA Maureen
          I understand the whole let them decide for themselves thing and agree with it. I guess my point was what do you do in the meantime? I mean when they are too young to decide for themselves, say before age 12? From a mere babysitting standpoint my children will have to go to Church with me until at least age 12. And yeah I'm sure there are going to be some Sunday mornings when they would rather stay in their pj's and not go. This has already happened with my 12 year old. She goes to Catholic school and when we moved I gave her the option to stay in that school, transfer to the public school here, or transfer to another Catholic school closer to here. She desperately wanted to stay in that school. So if I'm paying $350.00/month for Catholic school and driving her 35 minutes one way to school events so she can stay in that school then she should go to Church the way she is being taught to in that school otherwise what's the point?

          this is just my opinion from personal experience & I don't really know a lot about kids. but, I feel like when a kid is so young you really are not forcing anything. If a 6 year old doesn't want to attend church, it's probably that they want to sleep late or don't want to put on shoes. the shoe thing was usually my reason. One easter sunday i wore my brother's house shoes. I think there were times my mom had to drag me to the car, but it was mostly that I loathed panty hose and shoes.

          to me, that is very different than making a 16yr old attend if they are starting to want to look at other options. or making a 14 year old attend your denomination if they are feeling more at home at a friend's church. As a parent, I think there is a certain amount of forcing that happenes that is fine. Like forcing your kid to get up in the morning and go to school when they want to sleep. Or forcing them to go to bed when they want to play video games. I think this is very different than trying to force a kid to believe something, act a certain way, or be a certain type of person. not just with religion, but with all things in life.

          So I personally think it makes sense to take your kids with you. I feel like the letting them decide comes in later as they start to figure out who they are and become their own person.

          #55 rodent

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            Posted 09 April 2009 - 01:04 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by TA Maureen
            Thanks Morgan! That's exactly what I was thinking but you worded it way better...unfortunately a lot of parenting involves forcing your kids to do stuff they don't want to do (i.e. brushing her teeth is a big fight here!).

            Eighth grade is when Catholics make Confirmation as a way of reconfirming their faith because they didn't have a choice back when they were baptized. My daughter will be 14 then. I guess that's a good age to ask her if she really wants to continue on with the Church. In a lot of ways she's more religious than me so I think she is going to want to and I already know she is dying to go to our Catholic HS. Now I just have to figure out where to pull $7000.00/year from!!!

            it was almost imposible to get socks & underware on me. Oh & sometimes I'd refuse to pee. I'd be playing to hard and not want to stop so I'd just squirm around holding it. Kids are so weird :)

            #56 purrfected

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              Posted 09 April 2009 - 01:05 PM

              I don't consider myself "religious" but I do love God. I enjoy going to church and feel like I am missing out if I don't go for a while. I am a non-denominational christian, but that is me.

              I think that you should have the freedom to believe whatever you choose. The fact that we have choices is what makes our country so great! People have been persecuted for years over this very subject. I think that we have a loving God and whether or not you choose to believe in a higher power is a personal choice and either way we should not try to force our beliefs onto other people.

              As someone who attends a church regularly, I think is is wrong of your co worker to try to force his or her religion on you while you are at work. It is her personal choice to practice whatever her religion is and it really has no place in the workplace! If someone is a Christian others should be able to tell by the way you live your life not by what comes out of your mouth. If you are so interested in sharing your faith with others there are much better ways of doing so, other than begging for money from your co workers.

              Just my opinion.....

              #57 CaboBride2010

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                Posted 09 April 2009 - 02:04 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by TA Maureen
                I'm paying $350.00/month for Catholic school and driving her 35 minutes one way to school events so she can stay in that school then she should go to Church the way she is being taught to in that school otherwise what's the point?
                Ok, wait sorry maybe I am understanding this wrong but in the States you have to pay for Catholic school??

                #58 boscobel

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                  Posted 09 April 2009 - 02:22 PM

                  YES! It's way more expensive. And then, even more expensive, is the private catholic schools!

                  My children will be going to suburbs public schools (hopefully!)

                  #59 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 09 April 2009 - 02:23 PM

                    Morgan I know what you mean. I was lucky dad wasn't into the church at all so I didn't go I wasn't even able to go to Brownies cause it meant I would have to go to church and I hated it lol I used to stand at the door hands on either side of the doorway going "no no no" lol mum only took me twice before dad said it wasn't happening again lol

                    I'm not bothered about anyone's religion i think its a personal thing and as long as it isn't shoved down my throat I don't really care. However what I think is really weird is my cousins! I'm a good 8 years older than the oldest and about 17 years older than the youngest, they NEVER go to church and as far as I was aware aren't interested.

                    So when the oldest one got married it was a massive church thing, that's fine no problem with that but then the oldest and the youngest have kids and go and do a full on 90 min christening! I mean wtf is it me or is that totally hypocritical? I just don't get it

                    #60 Chiquita

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                      Posted 09 April 2009 - 02:28 PM

                      I was brought up Lutheran and basically was forced to go until I was 16 and then I dug in my heels. I'm happily agnostic now :) and my parents seem to accept my choices which is great. We agree to disagree.. heh




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