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Sammygurlj

Grrrrr.....(sorry long rant)

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So FI and I are doing our "legal day" at the end of this month. It's a special day for us and we really wanted to do our wedding on this date but it's not working out that way, we would wait til next year but now he is leaving for the army for at least a year and won't be back for that date next year so we are doing the legal thing on our date and the wedding for everyone when he gets back. We are not telling anyone so when we do our DW in Jamaica next year it will be special for everyone and it will be our "real" wedding. We decided we are just bringing 2 people with us, because we need 2 wittnesses to sign the marriage cert. We don't want anyone to know because then everyone will make a big deal about why they weren't there and we don't want it to turn into some huge thing. FI is bringing his best friend and I asked my best friend to come with but we didn't tell them what we are doing, just that we need them to come with us for the evening. FI's bf just said cool, no prob. My bf said she needs to know what we are doing so she can ask her husband if it is ok. Um....What? Now her husband is calling me saying I need to tell him what is going on or he won't let her go. LET her? She is a grown woman! WTF? I'm not even telling my family, why would I tell him? And excuse me but since when does a grown woman need permission from her husband to leave the house for a couple hours. I understand that they don't see each other much but come on, it's one night out of your life, get over it, she already told me they weren't doing anything that night so it's not like I am interrupting plans that they have. I really want her to be there but I'm ready to just say f*ck it and bring another one of FI's friends.

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I really never understood this either. I 'never' ask the FI if it's ok if I go somewhere. I just flat our say 'I'm going XXX'. We don't give each other a curfew. All we ask of each other is if you are to drunk to drive, call me/him. Or if you are going to be exceptionally late, give me/him a call so we don't worry.

 

If you don't want anyone else to know, I'd ask someone else. If you say something to your bf it could pose an issue and a fight between you 2. I know it's not exactly what you want, but some people are weird in there relationships and really have an issue if you don't agree to how they live it. You are better off not ruffling feathers.

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If it's really important to you that no one else knows other than these 2 people, I would ask someone else and tell you bf, I understand, we'll just find someone else to help us that night. Because even if your bf convinces her husband to let her go without knowing what you guys are doing, you know she will tell him when she gets home.

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Originally Posted by mich999 View Post
If it's really important to you that no one else knows other than these 2 people, I would ask someone else and tell you bf, I understand, we'll just find someone else to help us that night. Because even if your bf convinces her husband to let her go without knowing what you guys are doing, you know she will tell him when she gets home.
I agree... honestly, your bf will most likely tell her hubby when she gets home anyway.

If you feel that strongly that you don't want him to know or anyone else besides these two people; then chose people that are not married or in serious relationships. IMHO, you can't ask someone not to tell their spouse what they did that night when they were out with you that night... it could cause problems in their relationship.

That being said, yes I do think its a bit ridiculous that she won't go because her hubby needs to know what she is doing; but every relationship is differnet.

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Ahhh, I can't stand couples like this!!!! Come on, is he seriously that insecure that he needs to know where his wife is going to be for a few hours?! I have never understood this....

 

I'm sorry your BF's situation is ruining your plans, but I agree with the other girls and just ask someone else to go with you. Because even if her husband "allowed" her to go, she would probably tell him anyway. I hope it works out for you!

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Originally Posted by Sammygurlj View Post
So FI and I are doing our "legal day" at the end of this month. It's a special day for us and we really wanted to do our wedding on this date but it's not working out that way, we would wait til next year but now he is leaving for the army for at least a year and won't be back for that date next year so we are doing the legal thing on our date and the wedding for everyone when he gets back. We are not telling anyone so when we do our DW in Jamaica next year it will be special for everyone and it will be our "real" wedding. We decided we are just bringing 2 people with us, because we need 2 wittnesses to sign the marriage cert. We don't want anyone to know because then everyone will make a big deal about why they weren't there and we don't want it to turn into some huge thing. FI is bringing his best friend and I asked my best friend to come with but we didn't tell them what we are doing, just that we need them to come with us for the evening. FI's bf just said cool, no prob. My bf said she needs to know what we are doing so she can ask her husband if it is ok. Um....What? Now her husband is calling me saying I need to tell him what is going on or he won't let her go. LET her? She is a grown woman! WTF? I'm not even telling my family, why would I tell him? And excuse me but since when does a grown woman need permission from her husband to leave the house for a couple hours. I understand that they don't see each other much but come on, it's one night out of your life, get over it, she already told me they weren't doing anything that night so it's not like I am interrupting plans that they have. I really want her to be there but I'm ready to just say f*ck it and bring another one of FI's friends.
Wow. I do not want to comment on how this couple functions - obviously not my style, but I guess that we find everything in the world. Now coming back to you, i would be worried that if he "lets" her go anyway, without knowing in advance, she might not be able to keep the secret... or, can you trust her to lie to her husband ?

So I think you should give more thoughts about insisting on having her...

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Originally Posted by Cattie View Post
I really never understood this either. I 'never' ask the FI if it's ok if I go somewhere. I just flat our say 'I'm going XXX'.
First off I have to say I giggled at Catties "I'm going XXX." Cattie are you and your FI doing XXX things? HAHAHAHHA.

I don't understand why he says if you don't tell him why she has to go thenshe can't go. You should just tell him that you and your FI are doing something special and would like her to be there. Like said before, she'll just go home and tell him anyway....so it may be easier to just tell him.

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I have to agree with everyone else...even if he "lets" her go without knowing why, given they dynamics of thier relationship, I think she will tell him where she was/what she was doing.

 

I couldn't function in a relationship like this...but I know there are relationships like this out there.

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OMG he's acting like ur kidnapping her. It's one freaking nigt. But on the other hand I kinda tell my FI everything so eventually I'm sure she's gonna tell him anyway so u may as well tell em. If it's ur bff than you def want her there so... But for the record I think he's being really silly.

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