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Venting AGAIN about people's reactions...

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29 replies to this topic

#11 steponmyknee

  • Newbie
  • 115 posts

    Posted 31 March 2009 - 10:50 AM

    Sorry you're going through this! Keep your head up and just tell them they'll be missed if they can't go, but this is what you're doing. And remember, you don't have to explain your reasons to anyone!

    #12 litl_april

    • Jr. Member
    • 351 posts

      Posted 31 March 2009 - 11:24 AM

      Sorry your brother and friend have acted this way towards you. I understand how difficult it is. I have an aunt who convinced my grandma I'm selfish for having a destination wedding. She said to my mom it's just wrong because she (the aunt) will never get on a plane so she can't come. Ha, she said that early on, but what she didn't know, is she wasn't going to be invited to the wedding anyways (long story short, she's done and said some very cruel things about my family and I'm not interested in her --and many other relatives from that side of the family--drama on my wedding day. They'll be invited to the AHR.
      We're 2 months away and I have a bridesmaid who still hasn't booked...I'm starting to wonder. Also, in the beginning (and still sometimes now) my dad was very against this and said he's not going because he can't afford it. My mom of course is paying for him and my siblings, although she took on a second job to pay for it herself. One sibling has set aside a lot of money to help her out too. But it is hard...to hear all of that negative crap. We, like you, decided on a DW for the financial reasons. Because of all the people we would have had to invite at a home wedding (we're from one of those small, everyone knows everyone, towns) the cost would have very easily topped anything we could afford and eliminate any hopes of a honeymoon.
      Keep your spirits up! I realize how tough it is, but when the day comes, there should be no regrets!

      #13 KJT1985

      • Member
      • 694 posts

        Posted 31 March 2009 - 11:30 AM

        Thanks guys. I just can't imagine the logic that goes into saying I don't care about family and that family is most important to him when he's practically demanding that we change our ONE day for them! Yeah, it's really important to him that I'm happy huh?! Anyway, we're the same way - I'm almost 24, my fiance is 26 and we want to buy a house. My parents haven't offered to help us at all so I feel like they can't complain. Because a $3,000 vacation (or whatever it will cost them) is NOTHING compared to a $15,000 wedding they could be hosting at home. I hinted to my mother in the beginning that we'd have it here if they were going to pay for it. My fiance's family offered to pay for the reception in Canada for his side and we'll do something VERY casual and cheap for the reception here in the states. As far as the wedding, I'm really over planning all the tiny details and stressing out about how much napkins cost. This is truly what we want and could be an awesome time if everybody would realize that we don't expect them to go into debt for us. We'd love it if they could be there but we'll still be married if they aren't. A simple yes, we can go or no, we just can't afford it would suffice - not lectures.

        #14 Sammygurlj

        • Jr. Member
        • 165 posts

          Posted 31 March 2009 - 12:47 PM

          I think that by planning a DW you really learn who your true friends are and who really cares about you. We have had the same issue with a couple people getting all pissy because we aren't planning everything around them. Luckily we also have the amazing friends and family that will do anything to be there and are looking forward to having a fun vacation with us.

          You guys need to do what is right for you. If you really want a DW then do it in the end it's about your big day not the lousy people who can't even be happy for you.

          #15 drtracy

          • Jr. Member
          • 436 posts

            Posted 31 March 2009 - 12:57 PM

            Ugh, this so sucks for you and I'm so sorry. I feel that I've been very fortunate. The people that can't make it have actually felt bad that they can't versus making us feel bad. My sister bitched for a while but my mom reminded her that we gave everyone over a year to save money for the event. She's not coming and doesn't say much more about it now.

            Some advice (for whatever it's worth). Take the high road and don't get into a texting debate with anyone. The texts are just words that can be misconstrued. Actually talk to your brother and MOH and let them know why you are having a DW, how much you care about them and if they can't save enough in 11 months to go then you'll be sad that they can't make it but you'll understand.

            The people that want to be there will do whatever they can in the next year to make it there and you will have a great time. Plenty of people just have themselves and their FI and they have wonderful weddings that fulfill all of their needs!

            Good luck, and feel free to vent to us whenever you need to. :)

            #16 YoursTruly

            • Sr. Member
            • 1,097 posts

              Posted 31 March 2009 - 02:34 PM

              There are loads of material that prep you for subjects like this and are actually enclosed under separate threads. If a DW works best for you and FI, then that is what it needs to be, but I would say ensure the most important folks are there (parents, etc), siblings. If they cannot attend, and you guys feel you have done all you can, then you have to be able to stand with your decision. But in agreement with someone else statement, tone down the anger just a wee-bit (lol).

              #17 Hartyt509

              • Sr. Member
              • 2,262 posts

                Posted 31 March 2009 - 02:54 PM

                I'm sorry but the wedding is just about you and FI no-one else. Yes family is important but they aren't essential to the wedding, I mean if they aren't there the wedding will still go ahead.

                I persuaded FI for a DW simply because his family are a bunch of waster freaks and I wasn't paying jack shite for anyone of them to have a free feed on me lol We made the guest list very short and he dealt with his family

                His sister said she couldn't make it but she would send the kids! I said that's fine your mother can look after them because I'm not looking after a 16 year old and a 12 year old in Cancun lol Needless to say they aren't coming but yep she expected us to look after her kids on our honeymoon lmao

                Just tell them you'd like them there but if they can't come you'll show them then pictures lol

                #18 ~Nicole~

                • Sr. Member
                • 4,512 posts

                  Posted 31 March 2009 - 03:18 PM

                  Originally Posted by Hartyt509
                  His sister said she couldn't make it but she would send the kids! I said that's fine your mother can look after them because I'm not looking after a 16 year old and a 12 year old in Cancun lol Needless to say they aren't coming but yep she expected us to look after her kids on our honeymoon lmao
                  OMG are you kidding? That is ridiculous!!
                  *Formerly Nikki07*
                  My Planning Thread

                  #19 Nisi39

                  • Newbie
                  • 24 posts

                    Posted 31 March 2009 - 03:26 PM

                    I'm sorry that you're going through this.... and I totally agree with everyone else... It's your day and do what's best for YOU...
                    Think about it this way...people are going to find something to complain about no matter where you have your wedding. They won't like where you have your reception, the cake is too dry,your dress is too revealing, why did you pick the afternoon instead of the morning to get married....Yada Yada Yada.. It's all PURE BS! When it's all said and done it's not about it being a DW, you being selfish, not putting family first, or none of that other crap! The people who really care about and love you, won't ask you to sacrifice your happiness for them. Anybody else... I would tell to go jump in the lake! Those that it matters to the most will be there..even if it turns out to be just you and your FI...
                    BTW...this is exactly why my hubby and I are going SOLO!!
                    Don't worry... no matter what happens it'll all be just fine..besides I'm sure you can think of at least a million more things to worry about that are waaaay more important! So save your text messages for your planner or florist or photograpgher or your Man..send him a few "sexts" to take your mind and his too off of things that won't matter at the end of the day!

                    #20 sunstarsmoon

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 2,233 posts

                      Posted 31 March 2009 - 04:13 PM

                      So sorry this is happening to you. I think we all have had some type of conflict with a close friend or family member. Do whats right for you. Its your day and have the wedding you dream of.
                      July 8, 2011, Couples Sans Souci Ocho Rios, Jamaica

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