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KJT1985

Venting AGAIN about people's reactions...

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UGGHHH I understand... we have over 65 people coming... EVERYONE is really excited about it... Except for FI's dad and stepmom... they are pissed that they have to spend $2000 to come for 5 days, all inclusive to Mexico... Even though FI had to move out of his mom's house when he was 18 (dad wasn't around at the time) and never asked for a penny for college, saved on his own for a car, apartment, everything... and they are mad about $2000?? Last time I checked, proper etiquette at home is that the grooms fam pays for the rehearsal dinner.... THAT WOULD COST MORE THAN $2000 FOR A DINNER... NO VACATION.... but.... all that said.... you cannot control what people think/do. Would you ever tell your friends what to do? NO! Anyway, sorry now I a venting....

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My brother was texting me again today (yes, I know these conversations should be had over the phone but i'm glad it wasn't because I feel like I found out a whole lot more this way). Naturally he's trying to guilt trip me (our poor grandma who has alzheimers and doesn't even know who I am isn't going to see her first grandkid get married). I asked him why we should change our plans, have a wedding we don't want because people who are NOT happy we're getting married say so.

 

I kept reminding him of the cost factor for us since my parents aren't helping. He then tells me that its out of spite - they aren't giving us money because they're angry we're planning a wedding "nobody can go to". I honestly don't want their money, I never have as far as the wedding is concerned - it always comes with strings. He then starts bragging that he's getting the money we would have - that they're giving him $7,000 to buy a new truck. All this when they're complaining about coming up with $3,000 to even be able to go. I'm their only daughter for crying out loud! How about using that money to go to my wedding?! So I get told that it's not all about me and to stop being so F-ing selfish. This makes me laugh.

 

Yes, I do admit that I seem overly angry and, I suppose, rude toward my brother but there's a LOT of back story you aren't hearing and we really haven't had a good relationship for the past couple years - all since they thought they could control the relationship and demand that I break it off with my now fiance. I did a year of therapy after I couldn't take their controlling/manipulative ways anymore. I used to get walked all over so badly and would end up on the floor in the fetal position, crying for hours because they disagreed with me and had decided that its ok to stop speaking to me completely. I finally have balls to stand up and say NO! This is MY life and I'm going to get what I want out of it! - so I can't really be sorry for that. This is only one day in my entire life, I only get to do this once and it may sound selfish - but i'm going to do it MY way....ok, ok - OUR way!

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Oh yeah... and i'm not angry that people can't come. I tried really hard to reassure my friend that it was ok if she couldn't afford it. I didn't want HER feeling bad about it. I just don't appreciate her going to my brother after and complaining to him and then him ripping into me. When I say that it's ok that some people can't afford it and won't be there - I get told that I don't care about them! Gah!!!! and yeah, they're going to complain no matter what so why should we spend more money on a wedding we don't want that they STILL won't be happy with?!?!

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I'm sorry but i'd be punching your brother senseless, he has the neck to call you selfish when he is a spoilt brat. I'd also be going to your parents and saying right this is what has been said is it true? I'd like to know just so that I know what i'm facing oh and btw stick your money up your arse lol

 

I'ts hard but you really need to cut contact because that little shit of a brother is going to do your head in

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I totally think you have the right attitude. I know there are several who have gone through all of this already but from my experience, you cannot make anyone do anything they do not want to do so just make yourself happy. Selfish? Maybe but what is the difference in you standing your ground (aka being selfish) and the way your brother is reacting. I think he is being just as selfish. Like everyone is saying it is your day and damn it, what gives your brother and other family the right to stand in your way? They will get over it eventually and the less you let them bother you the better off you will be. I found in my experience my small destination wedding was about my husband and myself. It was beautiful. My at home reception was about everyone else. If we would have had a big wedding it would have been about "them" and not us. I loved that it was about us so make your wedding about you and don't worry about them!

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What a brat HE is. Trying everything possible to slap anything in your face. He seriously needs to grow the F'up. I just wouldn't talk to him about the wedding anymore, and if he does bring it up... shut him down if he's not going to be civil about it. It's your wedding that is being paid your own money. ANd something is telling me even if it was a local wedding, they'd still be bitchin' and complaining regardless, and trying to make you feel bad over something else.

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Of course they would still be complaining!

 

On top of that, I get an email from my "MOH" telling me how much i've changed since I met my fiance and how when she was here dress shopping she doesn't even know who I am anymore, how selfish I am. She says that he's leading me down the wrong path, that she thinks I only asked her to be my MOH because I felt like I had to, and he's not worth alienating family over and that she hopes we have a long happy life together. WTF?!?! I'm sitting at work, trying not to cry my eyes out, thinking we just need to go to Vegas this weekend and get married by ourselves....

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I'd tell the MOH to stick it up her arse too - they'll be sorry when you are married 20 years and they are divorced 5x over lol

 

Cut them off you don't need them chick x

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hartyt509 View Post
I'd tell the MOH to stick it up her arse too - they'll be sorry when you are married 20 years and they are divorced 5x over lol

Cut them off you don't need them chick x
Thank you! It makes me feel better to hear that I'm "right" in this. I don't think she understands what a commitment a wedding is - she's never been in a serious relationship so I feel like she doesn't understand the things you'd do for that person and what the wedding is really all about. That is reality, its NOT just a party for everyone else so they can look at me and tell me how pretty I am. And because of how important it is, you want it to go perfectly and done your way. I just really hope that when she gets married she has friends around who stick up for her and let her have her way on her day.

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