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Is it selfish to elope without 11yr old son?

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#21 RaydensMama

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    Posted 31 March 2009 - 01:43 PM

    I am also in agreement that your son should be a part of this day. At his age he will say he doesnt care, but Im sure deep down he really does. Couldnt you take your son with you to Jamaica? Or get married back home and then have a symbolic ceremony in Jamaica with your FI?
    I just know that our son was a HUGE part of our wedding and I would have regreted him not being a part of it every day if we had left him out of the wedding.

    #22 HotTamale

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      Posted 09 April 2009 - 11:29 PM

      My 7-year old son is not coming with us to oiur destination wedding. We are staying at an adult only resort, and are also using this as our honeymoon.

      My son has been very involved with knowing everything thus far, and we have been very diligent of including him on everything. Our ceremony in Mexico is a symbolic Mayan ceremony. We are having a very special day with him when we marry legally here in the states, and he is included at all other functions.

      Do not feel guilty that your child is not with you during the destination wedding; some people can't afford that; or other legitimate reasons. Make a special day with him and just the 3 of you.


      #23 midnight24

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        Posted 10 April 2009 - 02:51 AM

        as much as someone says it isn't a big deal...it is. wouldn't you want to be a there if your parents got married?

        try to incorporate your son into the ceremony somehow. you won't regret it.

        #24 jessbgauvin

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          Posted 10 April 2009 - 08:48 AM

          I have speant a lot of time thinking about this! We are not including my 17 year old son in our Cozumel ceremony. (I do realize there is a world of difference between 11 and 17) Our ceremony will be just us and is a second wedding for us both. We wanted to include him but he begged off citing school and athletic commitments. He certainly will be part of our AHR.

          Do what is best for you. If you are having second thoughts about not including him, then your gut is trying to tell you something!
          My pride and joy, son Nick:

          #25 BillysBride

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            Posted 11 April 2009 - 04:33 PM

            Our quads will be 4 when we get married...and we are not bringing them to Mexico.

            The reasons are both selfish and UNselfish. As a parent, I know that the need to oversee and take care of does not stop just because there are others present, willing to help out. I know I would be too distracted worrying every moment about where they are, if they had eaten, were they too close to the water, strangers, etc. is no way I could NOT mother them and just be a bride.Yea, there are four of them, so it's a bit different but the logic is the same. If you can be a BRIDE and not just mom, that's one thing. On the flip side of that, there is a safety issue to consider. We COULD try to bring someone along solely to look after the kids...but who wants to go on a trip and hole up in a room the entire time? On top of that, there is the additional expense.....airlines don't care how tiny the butt's are that fill the seats.

            It's just not practical for us, BUT our kids are young and the sentimental value of them being present isn't quite the same as I'm sure it is for you. They won't understand the sentimentality so much, but will miss us certainly. We WILL involve them in our legal day.

            You have to make this decision based on what you feel is best for your son and what YOU can live with, not anyone else.

            http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
            http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

            #26 kayr

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              Posted 11 April 2009 - 05:48 PM

              I couldn't imagine having our wedding without my daughters there - they will be 14 and nearly 16 and I know that they would be terribly disapointed if they weren't coming and weren't involved. Its second time for both of us (FI kids are adults, but they are coming too) but for us it's not just a marriage of 2 people - it's combining our families.

              Don't get me wrong I totally agree that parents should have holidays without their children - we go away without mine all the time because we have plenty of holidays with them too - but if you leave your son out on such a special occasion - you may always regret it.

              But only you and your FI can make the decision that is right for your family and I know it's not an easy one.

              Best wishes with whatever you decide.


              #27 tlogan00

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                Posted 20 April 2009 - 07:42 PM

                I AGREE with the others and think he should witness his mom get married and feel apart of the big day and mark the beginning of you all's new life..

                #28 mrsm109

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                  Posted 21 April 2009 - 12:54 PM

                  Well I too am going to go against the norm here and say no it's not selfish. First and foremost this is the one and only time that it's about you and your FI. you should do what your heart desires. You could do something special before or after with him. I am a mom of 5 and I will not be taking our children with us. I'm like the OP, no one else is going except us, so I don't feel as though we will be excluding our kids. We will have a small ahr when we return. We are making them a big part of that, and really that's what my kids are most excited about anyway You can look at things from both sides and it will be whatever you make of it....positive or negative. Good Luck with your decision.

                  #29 mplscold

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                    Posted 21 April 2009 - 01:28 PM

                    You would not be selfish to go without your son. My husband and I have 4 kids 23, 20, 17, and 14. None of them would be able to pay for their own trip. That means that we would need to pay for 6 for food, accomodations, airlines, entertainment.... We would never had been able to have our dream wedding if we took our children. Plan a small getaway for the three of you before you leave and explain that you are doing that with him instead of taking him to the wedding. The wedding/honeymoon should be your special time with your husband. Kids actually accept things better than what we give them credit for. I was 16 when my mom remarried and I wasn't invited and didn't scar me for life :)

                    #30 Gr8ful

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                      Posted 21 April 2009 - 01:37 PM

                      No, you are not being selfish. A wedding is about the relationship between you and your fiance. Your relationship with your son is just as important but it is different. You need to bond to your future husband in the way that is best for the two of you. The stronger you are as a couple, the better you will be as parents to your son. You can celebrate your new family when you get back. You probably have to have a conversation with your son, but this will help him understand the importance of relationships when he has them. Nobody can make this decision except for you and your family. And don't let people who don't know your situation judge you. It has to be right for all of you, and you know this better than anyone. In any case, I wish you the best of luck and much happiness & love!

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