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Is it selfish to elope without 11yr old son?


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#11 jennierin

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    Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:57 PM

    I agree 100% that you should include your son somehow. I think it is something that is important for the three of you.

    My nine year old daughter is still upset, to this day, that she was not there when her father and his new wife married in Barbados. Keep in mind, this was 4 years ago and she was only 5 at the time. So even though, at the time, she may not have cared to go; it is something that she wishes she could've been involved in.

    She is so happy that she is my "flowergirl" and that she is walking me down the aisle. For the longest time; even before my FI and I had met, she constantly reminded me that she would be the flowergirl. Heck, she was even involved when FI and I became engaged! He asked her permission and gave her a gold heart ring after he proposed to me...

    All in all; whatever avenue you decide on, don't leave your son out of your big day.
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    #12 marryinghimagain

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      Posted 30 March 2009 - 11:11 PM

      Another one here agreeing with the previous posters, your son should be included in this big day in your life. After all, this day will have an impact on his life. Down the road, he will remember that you felt he was important to be included.

      #13 ~Stephanie~

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        Posted 31 March 2009 - 09:50 AM

        I may be the only one that doesn't really agree with the others. FI and I have 3 kids between us, I have 2 boys 6 and 8 from a previous marriage and he has a 13 year old daughter. We are not bringing the kids to Mexico. We are staying at an adults-only resort although there will be kid-friendly accomodations next door. This will be our honeymoon too and I'm sorry but I do not want my children on my honeymoon. I am probably upsetting a lot of people with my response. Besides the fact that I don't want to be running after kids on my trip, we simply cannot afford airfare for 3 more people! If there was a way to do it I probably would, but it just isn't feesable for us and I really want my DW. The kids don't really seem to care and we plan to have a videographer so they (and others) can watch the video when we return.

        We are doing our legal day before we go and although I had not given it a lot of thought yet, we will be including them on this day.

        I don't think its wrong to not take your child with, however, make sure that you won't have any regrets. Kind of like if your parents couldn't come and that was important to you, would you still have a DW? Its really just a matter of what you want, don't let anyone else make you feel bad for not bringing him.
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        #14 ~Stephanie~

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          Posted 31 March 2009 - 09:51 AM

          I may be the only one that doesn't really agree with the others. FI and I have 3 kids between us, I have 2 boys 6 and 8 from a previous marriage and he has a 13 year old daughter. We are not bringing the kids to Mexico. We are staying at an adults-only resort although there will be kid-friendly accomodations next door. This will be our honeymoon too and I'm sorry but I do not want my children on my honeymoon. I am probably upsetting a lot of people with my response. Besides the fact that I don't want to be running after kids on my trip, we simply cannot afford airfare for 3 more people! If there was a way to do it I probably would, but it just isn't feesable for us and I really want my DW. The kids don't really seem to care and we plan to have a videographer so they (and others) can watch the video when we return.

          We are doing our legal day before we go and although I had not given it a lot of thought yet, we will be including them on this day.

          I don't think its wrong to not take your child with, however, make sure that you won't have any regrets. Kind of like if your parents couldn't come and that was important to you, would you still have a DW? Its really just a matter of what you want, don't let anyone else make you feel bad for not bringing him.
          ~Stephanie

          Our wedding websitewww.mywedding.com/stephanieandmichaelbailey

          #15 ~Nicole~

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            Posted 31 March 2009 - 10:27 AM

            Hmmmm... Before I respond I just want to say that I do not have any children, so maybe that's what's making me say what I'm about to say

            I really don't see the big deal. I have an 11 yr old brother and I'm sure that if my mom and her bf went away to get married he really wouldn't care. I think that you as a woman deserve this special day! I'm not saying that your sons feelings shouldn't be considered. Maybe you and FI could do something special with him when you return? It's not like there's a bunch of others going and he's missing out, right? I guess really its how you feel about it. Sorry, I probably wasn't much help.
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            #16 Jacilynda

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              Posted 31 March 2009 - 10:34 AM

              I think he should be a part of the day, I couldnt imagine our daughter not being there.

              Although my recommendation is that you do your legal day before and have him be a part of that and then go off and do your own thing. Have you thought about doing a legal day? I would say that probably 80% or more of the BDW are doing/ have done a legal day before or after their wedding just so they don't have to deal w/ all the rules and paperwork

              #17 YoursTruly

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                Posted 31 March 2009 - 10:39 AM

                like the other girls stated, what is the issue with him accompanying you guys to the wedding? you hinted at other family financial issues or maybe the resort is not kids friendly? Last minute we had to leave our son at home (he is 2) because due to his illness he could not fly out given the condition he was in. So we had to cancel all plans for him literally a week before. We were saddened, however, we did check in multiple times a day and celebrated before we left. Hope this helps..

                #18 MsSunshine

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                  Posted 31 March 2009 - 12:21 PM

                  I have a two year old daughter and have been debating this as well. In my way of thinking, Jamaica is more of a place for couples. Plus, I'm sure you want to spend quality time with your man. Are you thinking of having an at home reception? If so, you can have some type of ceremony...maybe have your hubby present a medallion necklace to your son acknowledging that he will be there for him as his stepfather :)

                  By the time we do our vow renewal, our daughter will be older. We are always with her and parents do need a break from their kids lol! I think you should go for it!

                  #19 petunia

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                    Posted 31 March 2009 - 12:21 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by jennierin
                    Heck, she was even involved when FI and I became engaged! He asked her permission and gave her a gold heart ring after he proposed to me...
                    This is so sweet. What a wonderful touch. He must be very special. I hope your daughter and he have a bond that lasts forever.

                    #20 Sammygurlj

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                      Posted 31 March 2009 - 12:35 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by jennierin
                      I agree 100% that you should include your son somehow. I think it is something that is important for the three of you.

                      My nine year old daughter is still upset, to this day, that she was not there when her father and his new wife married in Barbados. Keep in mind, this was 4 years ago and she was only 5 at the time. So even though, at the time, she may not have cared to go; it is something that she wishes she could've been involved in.

                      She is so happy that she is my "flowergirl" and that she is walking me down the aisle. For the longest time; even before my FI and I had met, she constantly reminded me that she would be the flowergirl. Heck, she was even involved when FI and I became engaged! He asked her permission and gave her a gold heart ring after he proposed to me...

                      All in all; whatever avenue you decide on, don't leave your son out of your big day.

                      I think this is more of a girl thing though. Weddings are a big deal to little girls, little boys most of the time couldn't care less. If you want to do it alone, make sure your son really is ok with it and go for it.




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