Destination Wedding vs. Local Wedding

[FutureMrsBane]

I used to dream of a BIG elaborate wedding when I was younger and even before planning the wedding; we started to plan a local wedding and I started to realize that this is what I really want. Yeah, it would be great to be surrounded by people when we get married but I don't want a ton of people I don't even know at the wedding!!! Plus money is a BIG issue right now; well we postponed the wedding until 2011 (it was in April 2010) and put everything on hold.

 

I have talked to my mom, I have talked to my FH and they are unsure of the whole destination wedding thing. One minute they are ok with it and then the next they don't like the idea!! Its so frustrating!! My mom is worried I will regret it because I have always stated that I have wanted a BIG wedding (and I used to) and she wants to show off because she never got a wedding. My FH doesn't care but he is worried that his family won't be able to come!! Family is really important to both of us and we really want to have a wedding and have our families be able to be there.

 

If everyone in our family and our close friends were able to come we would have around 130 guests (with 26 months until the wedding they have time to save)! 130 guests seems like the perfect wedding for us (compared to the 250 we would have at a local wedding).

 

I know we can have an at home reception and we plan on it but what am I suppose to do about their worries!?! How can I stop myself from having a major meltdown? How has everyone gotten through the rough times?

[~Nicole~]

Awww.... Heather I feel for you! THE most important thing is that you and FI are on the same page. If family not being there is an issue, then maybe you both need to reconsider. If you think you can still make it your special day without them then you should! A word of advice though.... you will NEVER make everyone happy! No matter how hard you try, someone will have something to say. Another thing.... and I'm not trying to burst your bubble, I'm only saying it because I was naive and optimistic and I am paying the price - don't expect that everyone will come. I know you're thinking that you're giving lots of notice so whats the problem right I thought the same thing..... I gave 18 months notice and I have one person that has booked and a bunch that promised they would be there bu are now giving excuses.

 

So your question was how do we survive, well my very supportive and fantastic FI and of course the ladies on the forum!

 

IMO, you need to do what will make you and FI happy as a couple.....that's the most important thing.

[Betsy]

One thing you could do, and a lot of DW brides do, is have a DW with people that can make it and then celebrate when you get home with a big reception, you can make it as elaborate or simple as you want! But in the end, do exactly what you and your FI want to do, don't worry about makeing everyone else happy, because that is never possible! Either way Good Luck!!!!

[YoursTruly]

There are plenty of threads on this and in a nutshell, you have to clear all the noise from your mom, family and others. Decide what works best for you and FI in addition to your budget. I have learned that you cannot please everyone and when you are done making it work to fit everyone else's schedule they disappoint you. So, decide what you want and stick to that agenda and be fine with it!

[big3n09]

The other ladies are sooo right! From the jump FI was like I'm not doing anything to please anybody else, the DW was his idea and it was fine to me. I was worried his 90 year old grand parents wouldn't be able to come and he was like, if they want to be there they'll come, which I thought was harsh. But when it comes down to it you two have to come to an agreement on what you guys want to do, it's not about everybody else and again there will still be somebody not satisfied. Good Luck!

[Hartyt509]

I refused to have a local wedding simply because I didn't want his whole family coming for a free feed like they did at his dad's wake. So it was either we were going away or it wasn't happening lol

[Glamourina]

I agree with the rest of the posts, that you should have the wedding you want. I wanted a traditional wedding at home at first, but started freaking out at the thought of having to get married in front of a huge crowd of strangers and spending thousands of dollars on people that I didn't even know that well ... The only thing I would warn you about a destination wedding is that there are probably going to be people who are important to you that won't or can't come. I gave my guests almost 2 YEARS in advance to plan and save up to come to DW, and at the time, everyone was saying that they were "definitely coming" but now that there are less than 3 months before the big day, only about 1/3 of those people are actually coming. This seems to be the case with most DW brides...