My FI had a kid before we met...

[ebredhawk]

this is something i struggle DAILY with and figured you all are probably the best possible resource to get advice and hear about how you all have handled this situation!

 

my FI is almost 28 and has a 5 year old daughter with a woman who very well may be the spawn of satan. she is manipulative and pretentious, thinks she is better than us and talks to my FI like he is a child. a joy to be around, basically.

 

i love his daughter most of the time, but i can't help feeling resentful sometimes that our relationship has never and will never be just us. she can be a huge brat sometimes and i have to fight back these feelings when it happens.

 

also, i am incredibly jealous that this horrible woman gave the love of my life his first child. i wish she knew how lucky she is to have such a wonderful man as the father of her child and i wish she wouldn't take him for granted like she does. i am just thankful they never got married!!!!

 

basically what i want to know is for those of you who have dealt with similar situations, did you ever have those kinds of feelings and how did you manage them?

 

 

 

(by the way... can i just say that any woman who has dealt with any situation even remotely close to this.. you are incredible!!! it takes an incredibly selfless person to help raise another person's child... that is at least one lesson i have learned from all of this!)

[Kat81]

I'll PM you

[ACDCDCAC]

haha kat i was gonna say the same thing you did! feel free to tell her anything i have told you about the same subject

[ebredhawk]

Woah.. you guys are on your game today!! Thank you so much... nice to know I'm not alone!

[boscobel]

Hmmmm, my husband doesnt' have any children. But the guy I dated from like 19-23 had a daughter when I met him. She just about a year old when we met and probably like 5-6 when we broke up. Maybe it was b/c I was young, maybe it was b/c daughter and mother lived in NY (where ex was from), maybe it was b/c the mother was a one night stand and not an ex-girlfriend - but I was never resentful. I know that relationship was completely different then being in your late 20's-early 30's in a more committed relationship. And I know my situation was different since they lived so far away from each other, he wasn't a very involved father, timewise. (I am only responding b/c it's almost the norm these days to have one or the other spouse already having a child.) So I can see how you would resent the child from taking away from your "us" time. Shiiiiiit, I sometimes resent EVERYONE that gets in my way of our special time. I think we all have those feelings at some time or other. The important thing is that he is a good father and you are a good step-mom-to-be. Lucky for you, there are lots of wonderfully caring women on this site that are in your same situation that you can relate.