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drtracy

Anyone else not changing names?

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There are a few threads regarding the legalities of changing one's name after the wedding. But, I haven't seen any regarding NOT changing names. I wanted to see if anyone else is keeping their name. For several reasons I'm not legally changing my name. My FI and I have talked about it and we agreed that personally if people wanted to call me by his name we wouldn't correct them and our kids would have his name. However, professionally and legally I would keep mine. This has caused some discussion among family and friends (most thinking that I'm "wrong" or "disrespectful" for not taking his name). I'm wondering if anyone else is going through this or has gone through this and if you have any tips on how to politely address those that are chagrined (to put it mildly) at this.

 

Thanks!

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I'm not changing my name - my FI was a little upset about it at first, but we spoke and I think he understands and is okay with it. I'm also keeping my name mostly for professional reasons - so legally and professionally I will keep the same name, but the same as you - I'm not planning to correct everyone if they call me his name socially esp once we have kids..

It is frustrating, so many people just assume you're going to change your name, right? I have said I'm not going to change it to a few people - mostly family and no one seemed that surprised so it's been okay.. Someone at work said to me something to the effect of "he's still going to marry you?" I sort of laughed it off but I wanted to tell her off - I think it's her loss that she thinks so little of her rights as a woman.. and I would never be with someone who would NOT marry me because of this.. I spent 30 years with my name and have accomplished a lot professionally with my name, so this means a lot to me..

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I am not changing my name initially due to professional and personal reasons that I won't get into here. However, I probably will change it somewhere along the line, but that will be quite a few years from now. My reason for the eventual change is to make things easier and for convenience sake (not having to provide additional documentation for stuff, etc., addresses, etc. and all the other problems you run into when spouses dont share the same name), and to be honest, because I think the FH would be secretly tickled if I did.

 

My FH did not expect me to change my name at all (because of the independant type of person I am), and was surprised when I told him I would change it a few years down the road when our situation changed. I've sort of mellowed out over the years about the issue - several years back I would not have considered changing my name at all, but now see it as a personal choice that does not have to be colored by either feminist or traditional agendas.

 

I have not run into any issues or flack about changing my name or not; probably because most people simply assumed that I wouldn't! I think I would cause more surprise saying I intend to eventually change my name than telling people that I'm not! I guess it's all about situational context. heh.

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I havent changed my name - although our marriage license has it hyphenated in case I ever decide to do so. To me it was just about the convenience, that and I've had my name for almost 40 years.

 

Once or twice I have had snags when it comes to random stuff - getting a parking pass for the train station from the town (because the car is in FIs name) and picking up a building permit for some work on the house (because FI filed the paperwork and our names didn't match). Now I just carry around a copy of the marriage certificate in the glove box of the car in case anyone questions it.

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I am not changing my last name. I do sales and everyone knows my last name-FI could care less. He thinks that it is my decision to make and he is fine with it. Also, it is really annoying to have to go down to the Social Security office and deal with all of that stuff.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DGG View Post
.. Someone at work said to me something to the effect of "he's still going to marry you?" I sort of laughed it off but I wanted to tell her off - I think it's her loss that she thinks so little of her rights as a woman.. and I would never be with someone who would NOT marry me because of this.. I spent 30 years with my name and have accomplished a lot professionally with my name, so this means a lot to me..
I had someone say almost the exact same thing to me. And, she is one of FIs GMs wives. I couldn't believe it, I mean really? It struck me as really funny b/c she's about 5-6 years younger than me.

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I am not changing my last name either. I have always said that I woudln't I have had my name for almost 30 yrs and its a part of me and who I am. I am proud of my last name and my family so I am keeping it!! I think at first it bothered my FI but now he is okay with it. My kids will have his last name with mine as their second middle name.

 

My bestfriend who is a teacher say's that I should hypenate it b/c when kids come into her class or at the begining of the year and she sees that the mom has a different last name then the child she wonders if its the biological mom, step-mom etc.

 

But I am staying firm with not changing it.

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I won't be changing it...because in Quebec you are not allowed leagally.

I would have liked to change it, for traditions sake :)

Socially I will be known as Mrs D...and that will make me smile !

 

His family was upset I wouldn't change it, and still don't understand the law...

His grandma was upset, but when I told her I will be Mrs D in my heart, she was happy.

I guess it's a compliment from them, as wanting me to be "one of them"

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I am keeping my last name professionally, dropping my middle name, and adding his last name. That way, the kids will have the same last name, etc. When you work hard in your field, it makes sense to keep your name!

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