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FI's attitude is sucky

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#1 big3n09

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    Posted 24 February 2009 - 02:21 PM

    FI is not acting like I guess I want him to. I keep asking him about things to make sure it's not all about me, I mean it's supposed to be WE now. I also know the minute he doesn't like something I did or picked he is gonna have something to say when it's too late. I also want his opinion on things so I ask what he thinks or suggest, his response, WHATEVER It's making me feel like I'm pressuring him on things to the point I feel like I don't want to bring anything up at all. So I'm fustrated because I'm trying to plan and he is not being as helpful as I would like. Now granted he is not a planner he does things last minute but if I ask for your opinion or a suggestion give me one! Several people keep telling me that's how men are and it's what you want but I'm not comfortable with that. I have seen and heard of grooms that were more interested and involved. We already have pushed the date back 9 months and have been together 5yrs. I'm not settling for no thrown together last min event that's not my style nor did I want a big elaborate event, I wasn't even sure I would ever get married, the DW was his idea but now he doesn't seemed that interested in planning it. Thanks for letting me VENT
    4/1/11 in St. Kitts at the Marriott I married my best-friend!!!

    #2 tylersgirl

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      Posted 24 February 2009 - 02:40 PM

      Don't worry! It isn't your man-it's men in general. I know there have been lots of threads on this and to be honest guys just aren't into it. My FI is acting just like yours so don't worry. It is a guy thing. They just want to show up pretty much. =) Hope that makes you feel better~!

      #3 trance_angelx0x

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        Posted 24 February 2009 - 02:40 PM

        Well I really hate to say it but : men in general are not into planning things. If it bugs you that much then sit down with him and tell him how much his input would mean to you.

        #4 kris

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          Posted 24 February 2009 - 02:41 PM

          Haha I feel your pain..mine is being good for the most part but when it comes to picking music he is useless! I have a million suggestions for our first dance etc. and he keeps shutting them down, but do you think he has any suggestions.....NO!

          It drives me crazy :)

          #5 NJ_bride

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            Posted 24 February 2009 - 02:53 PM

            I had some similar problems and I read an article that said to write out your whole to do list and then go through and pick a few things to ask your FH's opinion or help with. For me, I put him in charge of picking the song for him to dance with his godmother and me dance with my father to, pick his and best man's suits, design, order, and pick up tshirts to give our guests. Guess what, it worked! Most guys don't care about flowers, cakes, invites, ect. By giving him just a few responsibilities that he cared about he did a great job. When the day came to meet with the resort WC he even gave input on food and suggested having a DJ. I would have loved for him to be more involved but every time I asked his opinion or brought up wedding stuff he said he didn't care. Traditionally those details are more important to the bride so i accepted this and just handled that stuff myself. Believe me he will be so shocked and happy with all the details and hard work when your day comes. My husband couldn't believe how I had put everything together.

            #6 sunsetbride1

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              Posted 24 February 2009 - 03:42 PM

              We are all in the same boat darling.. don't worry!!!!
              I have found with my FI that I find specific things and then I send them to him for his opinion. If he doesn't respond; I corner him and tell him if he doesn't have an opinion then I am making all the decisions myself and he can't b*tch if he doesn't like them. I give him examples of the bright pink flowered shirt I will make him wear and the overly sappy ceremony I will plan just to annoy him. Then he usually gets on board. LOL.

              #7 Andi


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                Posted 24 February 2009 - 03:52 PM

                Yep we are all in the same boat! My FI was the same way! also too though he is a very last minute person...I am a planner and started planning for our wedding over a year in advance. Early on i tried not to talk about all of my minor wedding details that I was so excited about (I mean I had everyone here on BDW to gush to about them!)

                Now that we are 2 months away he is FINALLY starting to come around and realize that the wedding is just around the corner. It is kind of comical actually because just recently he started asking me about minor details (ones that I of course had planned out MONTHS ago)....so he will come to me all in a frantic now about them and I just tell him "don't worry I have researched it and this what our plan is" then he relaxes and carries on...

                dont worry most men dont care about the favors, or colors of flowers or kind of cake...if he really does want a chocolate cake though I am sure he will tell you!

                The only thing I put my FI in charge of was his attire....UM YEAH SO HE STILL HASN'T DECIDED WHAT HE IS GOING TO WEAR! so if you want things a specific way and your FI doesn't seem to care then just go ahead and plan the way you want to! hope that helps!

                #8 big3n09

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                  Posted 24 February 2009 - 09:32 PM

                  Thank you all soooo much! I need the support because I am a very independent person and he has issues with that but if I can't get his cooperation, what am I supposed to do. I guess I'll be doing what I want to do and he'll find out about it later. I don't like to ask anyone for anything so I am and will be planning by myself looks like. Well at least that way I know it will be how I want it to be and what I like. I won't let it bother me too much for now he will be on a need to know basis and maybe as time gets closer or we really get the ball rolling I will get some help. We'll see, thanks again!
                  4/1/11 in St. Kitts at the Marriott I married my best-friend!!!

                  #9 cougs


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                    Posted 24 February 2009 - 09:45 PM

                    oh men don't *think* they have opinions, but it's because they have no idea all the choices that need to be made. like you said, if you just picked everything yourself, he'd be sure to disagree with your choices when it's too late! i think in general they don't know what they WANT, but they sure as hell know what they DON'T want.

                    i would say you could try offering up something totally ugly or ridiculous to see if he has an opinion on that or if he's even paying attention really, but if you have luck like mine, he'd probably be like, "I LOVE IT!" LOL

                    #10 FutureMrsLewis

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                      Posted 25 February 2009 - 08:10 PM

                      I'm in the same boat my darling :) Whenever I ask FI about anything regarding the wedding (Big stuff, like WHERE? DW or Local?) He's like "I don't care, as long as in the end we're married. Besides, you're the one with the theme song" (Here comes the bride)

                      So I've decided that I'll make all the decisions and if he doesn't like it, too bad. He gave me permission long ago to do whatever the hell I want, I just have to give him a time and place to show up lol

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