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Non-Traditional/Non-"Sappy" Readings and Ceremony


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#1 sunsetbride1

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    Posted 19 February 2009 - 02:41 PM

    Hi Ladies,

    I am hoping you all can help!! FI and I are not the sappy, hearts, flowers, romantic type of couple under any circumstances. We are both complete smart asses; constantly challenge eachother and are realists in every way.

    That being said, I am trying to find readings and ceremony wording for our wedding that suits us. We are getting legally married at home; but this will be our 'real' wedding that we will customize to our personalities.

    We only found one thing we like so far that we are putting in our programs:

    "I don't believe in marriage. Let me be clear about that.
    I think at worst, it is a hostile political act. A way for small minded men to keep their women in the house and out of the way, wrapped in the guise of conservative religious nonsense.
    At best, it is a happy delusion: it is two people who really love each other, who have no idea how truly miserable they are about to make each other.
    But! When two people know that and they decide, with eyes wide open, to face each other and get married anyway...
    I don't think its conservative or delusional. I think it's radical. And courageous. And very romantic."


    I have google searched this to death and still nada.. HELP!

    #2 YaelM

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      Posted 19 February 2009 - 02:43 PM

      Sunsetbride - FI and I are the same! Hopefully people will have some good suggestions. Everything I have found so far is SO sappy and FI and I would not be able to keep a straight face LOL

      #3 sunsetbride1

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        Posted 19 February 2009 - 02:46 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by yoAzul
        Sunsetbride - FI and I are the same! Hopefully people will have some good suggestions. Everything I have found so far is SO sappy and FI and I would not be able to keep a straight face LOL
        I know!!!! FI and I were looking the other night and we were just cracking up. Everything was either 'preachy" or sappy or just over the top! I am glad we are not the only ones.

        #4 YaelM

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          Posted 19 February 2009 - 02:48 PM

          Definitely not! We worked on our vow last night for our symbolic ceremony and THANK GOD we can edit it because we pretty much had to cut the whole thing LOL

          #5 GarlicBride

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            Posted 19 February 2009 - 02:56 PM

            How about something funny?

            This is very british humour:

            Yes, I'll Marry You, by Pam Ayres

            Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
            And here's the reason why;
            So I can push you out of bed
            When the baby starts to cry,
            And if we hear a knocking
            And it's creepy and it's late,
            I hand you the torch you see,
            And you investigate.

            Yes I'll marry you, my dear,
            You may not apprehend it,
            But when the tumble-drier goes
            It's you that has to mend it,
            You have to face the neighbour
            Should our labrador attack him,
            And if a drunkard fondles me
            It's you that has to whack him.

            Yes, I'll marry you,
            You're virile and you're lean,
            My house is like a pigsty
            You can help to keep it clean.
            That sexy little dinner
            Which you served by candlelight,
            As I do chipolatas,
            You can cook it every night!

            It's you who has to work the drill
            and put up curtain track,
            And when I've got PMS it's you who gets the flak,
            I do see great advantages,
            But none of them for you,
            And so before you see the light,
            I do, I do, I do!

            Or (for a close friend or relative to read) - you may want to change/remove the ending as it doesn't quite fit your criteria:

            He always leaves the seat up
            She leaves wet towels upon the floor
            The toothpaste has no lid on
            And he never shuts the door!
            She’s not that clean and tidy
            Though she may sometimes delude
            Leave your things out at your peril
            In a second they’ll have moved!
            She’s a very active person
            And she always wants to win
            Where as he likes lazy days
            She’ll still drag him to the gym!
            He romances her and dines her
            Home cooked dinners and the like
            He even knows her favourite food
            And cooks for her every night!
            She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
            A smile upon his face
            Will he look that good in 50 years
            When his dentures aren’t in place?!
            He says he loves her figure
            And her mental prowess too
            But when gravity takes her over
            Will she charm with her IQ?
            She says she loves his kindness
            And his patience is a must
            And of course she thinks he’s handsome
            Which in her eyes is a plus!
            They’re both not wholly perfect
            But who are we to judge
            He can be pig headed
            Where as she won’t even budge!
            All that said and done
            They love the time they spend together
            And I hope as I’m sure you do
            That this fine day will last forever.
            And you’ll enjoy the drink and food!
            He’ll be more than just her husband
            He’ll also be her friend
            And she’ll be more than just his wife
            She’ll sometimes drive him round the bend.
            This poem for xxxxxx and xxxx
            A married couple now
            Is a token of the love they share
            And the thought behind each vow.

            Just some of my favourite non-naff ones!!
            Hannah

            #6 sunsetbride1

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              Posted 19 February 2009 - 03:03 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by hmlwilliams
              How about something funny?

              Or (for a close friend or relative to read) - you may want to change/remove the ending as it doesn't quite fit your criteria:

              He always leaves the seat up
              She leaves wet towels upon the floor
              The toothpaste has no lid on
              And he never shuts the door!
              She’s not that clean and tidy
              Though she may sometimes delude
              Leave your things out at your peril
              In a second they’ll have moved!
              She’s a very active person
              And she always wants to win
              Where as he likes lazy days
              She’ll still drag him to the gym!
              He romances her and dines her
              Home cooked dinners and the like
              He even knows her favourite food
              And cooks for her every night!
              She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
              A smile upon his face
              Will he look that good in 50 years
              When his dentures aren’t in place?!
              He says he loves her figure
              And her mental prowess too
              But when gravity takes her over
              Will she charm with her IQ?
              She says she loves his kindness
              And his patience is a must
              And of course she thinks he’s handsome
              Which in her eyes is a plus!
              They’re both not wholly perfect
              But who are we to judge
              He can be pig headed
              Where as she won’t even budge!
              All that said and done
              They love the time they spend together
              And I hope as I’m sure you do
              That this fine day will last forever.
              And you’ll enjoy the drink and food!
              He’ll be more than just her husband
              He’ll also be her friend
              And she’ll be more than just his wife
              She’ll sometimes drive him round the bend.
              This poem for xxxxxx and xxxx
              A married couple now
              Is a token of the love they share
              And the thought behind each vow.

              Just some of my favourite non-naff ones!!
              Hannah
              Thanks Hannah!! Those are both great; the the one above is absolutely perfect. It's like whoever wrote it knows FI & I!! I am sending it to him now!

              Keep em coming ladies!!!

              #7 YaelM

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                Posted 19 February 2009 - 03:28 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by sunsetbride1
                Thanks Hannah!! Those are both great; the the one above is absolutely perfect. It's like whoever wrote it knows FI & I!! I am sending it to him now!

                Keep em coming ladies!!!
                I agree! Haha Im totally sending FI that one too :)

                #8 YaelM

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                  Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:06 PM

                  Here is another one I found on the web - not sure if I like it as much :

                  A lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

                  The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

                  Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
                  The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

                  I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
                  Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
                  He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

                  I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
                  She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

                  But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
                  He is also overly fond of things.
                  Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

                  But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.
                  Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

                  I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

                  I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

                  Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
                  Look at them.
                  Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

                  And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
                  Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
                  For the sun is warm.
                  And the world is a beautiful place.

                  #9 katrina

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                    Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:16 PM

                    kate (LALA) had an nontraditional reading but it was a long time ago. let me see if i can find it...

                    #10 katrina

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                      Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:18 PM

                      here it is. it's from a book called "what looks like crazy"

                      He leaned over and kissed her like they were alone in that room, and right then, right there, she didn’t care what came next. Whatever it was, she knew it would be all right, or it wouldn’t be all right, but it would be part of the same unbroken line they were all walking in, which is, of course, the real lesson, and about as much perfection as she could stand without crying right there in front of everybody, which is, of course, what she did. Then it was done, official, and the party could begin in earnest.
                      And it did. And they danced too wild, and they sang too long, and they hugged too hard, and kissed too sweet, and threw their heads back and howled just as loud as they wanted to howl, because by now they were all old enough to know that what looks like crazy on an ordinary day looks a lot like love if you catch it in the moonlight.




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