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Non-Traditional/Non-"Sappy" Readings and Ceremony

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Hi Ladies,

 

I am hoping you all can help!! FI and I are not the sappy, hearts, flowers, romantic type of couple under any circumstances. We are both complete smart acensored.gifsses; constantly challenge eachother and are realists in every way.

 

That being said, I am trying to find readings and ceremony wording for our wedding that suits us. We are getting legally married at home; but this will be our 'real' wedding that we will customize to our personalities.

 

We only found one thing we like so far that we are putting in our programs:

 

"I don't believe in marriage. Let me be clear about that.

I think at worst, it is a hostile political act. A way for small minded men to keep their women in the house and out of the way, wrapped in the guise of conservative religious nonsense.

At best, it is a happy delusion: it is two people who really love each other, who have no idea how truly miserable they are about to make each other.

But! When two people know that and they decide, with eyes wide open, to face each other and get married anyway...

I don't think its conservative or delusional. I think it's radical. And courageous. And very romantic."

 

I have google searched this to death and still nada.. HELP!

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Sunsetbride - FI and I are the same! Hopefully people will have some good suggestions. Everything I have found so far is SO sappy and FI and I would not be able to keep a straight face LOL

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Originally Posted by yoAzul View Post
Sunsetbride - FI and I are the same! Hopefully people will have some good suggestions. Everything I have found so far is SO sappy and FI and I would not be able to keep a straight face LOL
I know!!!! FI and I were looking the other night and we were just cracking up. Everything was either 'preachy" or sappy or just over the top! I am glad we are not the only ones. smile29.gif

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Definitely not! We worked on our vow last night for our symbolic ceremony and THANK GOD we can edit it because we pretty much had to cut the whole thing LOL

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How about something funny?

 

This is very british humour:

 

Yes, I'll Marry You, by Pam Ayres

 

Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,

And here's the reason why;

So I can push you out of bed

When the baby starts to cry,

And if we hear a knocking

And it's creepy and it's late,

I hand you the torch you see,

And you investigate.

 

Yes I'll marry you, my dear,

You may not apprehend it,

But when the tumble-drier goes

It's you that has to mend it,

You have to face the neighbour

Should our labrador attack him,

And if a drunkard fondles me

It's you that has to whack him.

 

Yes, I'll marry you,

You're virile and you're lean,

My house is like a pigsty

You can help to keep it clean.

That sexy little dinner

Which you served by candlelight,

As I do chipolatas,

You can cook it every night!

 

It's you who has to work the drill

and put up curtain track,

And when I've got PMS it's you who gets the flak,

I do see great advantages,

But none of them for you,

And so before you see the light,

I do, I do, I do!

 

Or (for a close friend or relative to read) - you may want to change/remove the ending as it doesn't quite fit your criteria:

 

He always leaves the seat up

She leaves wet towels upon the floor

The toothpaste has no lid on

And he never shuts the door!

She’s not that clean and tidy

Though she may sometimes delude

Leave your things out at your peril

In a second they’ll have moved!

She’s a very active person

And she always wants to win

Where as he likes lazy days

She’ll still drag him to the gym!

He romances her and dines her

Home cooked dinners and the like

He even knows her favourite food

And cooks for her every night!

She’s thoughtful when he looks at her

A smile upon his face

Will he look that good in 50 years

When his dentures aren’t in place?!

He says he loves her figure

And her mental prowess too

But when gravity takes her over

Will she charm with her IQ?

She says she loves his kindness

And his patience is a must

And of course she thinks he’s handsome

Which in her eyes is a plus!

They’re both not wholly perfect

But who are we to judge

He can be pig headed

Where as she won’t even budge!

All that said and done

They love the time they spend together

And I hope as I’m sure you do

That this fine day will last forever.

And you’ll enjoy the drink and food!

He’ll be more than just her husband

He’ll also be her friend

And she’ll be more than just his wife

She’ll sometimes drive him round the bend.

This poem for xxxxxx and xxxx

A married couple now

Is a token of the love they share

And the thought behind each vow.

 

Just some of my favourite non-naff ones!!

Hannah

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hmlwilliams View Post
How about something funny?

Or (for a close friend or relative to read) - you may want to change/remove the ending as it doesn't quite fit your criteria:

He always leaves the seat up
She leaves wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has no lid on
And he never shuts the door!
Sheâ€s not that clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second theyâ€ll have moved!
Sheâ€s a very active person
And she always wants to win
Where as he likes lazy days
Sheâ€ll still drag him to the gym!
He romances her and dines her
Home cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favourite food
And cooks for her every night!
Sheâ€s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 50 years
When his dentures arenâ€t in place?!
He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?
She says she loves his kindness
And his patience is a must
And of course she thinks heâ€s handsome
Which in her eyes is a plus!
Theyâ€re both not wholly perfect
But who are we to judge
He can be pig headed
Where as she wonâ€t even budge!
All that said and done
They love the time they spend together
And I hope as Iâ€m sure you do
That this fine day will last forever.
And youâ€ll enjoy the drink and food!
Heâ€ll be more than just her husband
Heâ€ll also be her friend
And sheâ€ll be more than just his wife
Sheâ€ll sometimes drive him round the bend.
This poem for xxxxxx and xxxx
A married couple now
Is a token of the love they share
And the thought behind each vow.

Just some of my favourite non-naff ones!!
Hannah
Thanks Hannah!! Those are both great; the the one above is absolutely perfect. It's like whoever wrote it knows FI & I!! I am sending it to him now!

Keep em coming ladies!!!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsetbride1 View Post
Thanks Hannah!! Those are both great; the the one above is absolutely perfect. It's like whoever wrote it knows FI & I!! I am sending it to him now!

Keep em coming ladies!!!
I agree! Haha Im totally sending FI that one too :)

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Here is another one I found on the web - not sure if I like it as much :

 

A lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

 

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

 

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

 

I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.

He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

 

I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.

She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

 

But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

He is also overly fond of things.

Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

 

But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.

Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

 

I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

 

I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

 

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.

Look at them.

Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

 

And that, my friends, is how it is with love.

Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.

For the sun is warm.

And the world is a beautiful place.

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here it is. it's from a book called "what looks like crazy"

 

He leaned over and kissed her like they were alone in that room, and right then, right there, she didnâ€t care what came next. Whatever it was, she knew it would be all right, or it wouldnâ€t be all right, but it would be part of the same unbroken line they were all walking in, which is, of course, the real lesson, and about as much perfection as she could stand without crying right there in front of everybody, which is, of course, what she did. Then it was done, official, and the party could begin in earnest.

And it did. And they danced too wild, and they sang too long, and they hugged too hard, and kissed too sweet, and threw their heads back and howled just as loud as they wanted to howl, because by now they were all old enough to know that what looks like crazy on an ordinary day looks a lot like love if you catch it in the moonlight.

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