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Boundaries Needed OR Am I unreasonable?? **LONG - NEED TO VENT***

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16 replies to this topic

#11 YoursTruly

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    Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:15 PM

    Thanks Desiree :).

    And to the girls I can always count on you guys for the emotional lift and good advice. smooches!

    #12 BillysBride

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      Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:25 PM

      Originally Posted by YoursTruly
      At this point I was too through...
      OK, not funny but I had to crack the hell up at this because it's something I say ALL the time. haha!

      Whew..when to establish boundaries. Wow, i don't know. I know it's hard, I'm the type that because MY ass was raised right, it's hard for me to put my foot down when others are rude. MY FSIL invites herself down to spend the night at least once every couple of months...with her two children. We already have the quads, and the last thing I feel like dealing with is someone else's bad ass kids most of the time, so I always feel like saying "Umm, no thank you." but never do. It's something I'm working on.

      I think that there has to be a way of....letting them know that YOU have boundaries even if they don't. I'm a bad one to talk, but I know it will only get worse as time goes on. When all else fails a generic excuse is always good. People get the hint and know you're just making excuses, but it's beautiful because they can't really say anything.

      http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
      http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

      #13 JUSTUSTWO


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        Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:26 PM

        Unreasonable HARDLY!! You had every right to be annoyed in this situation. Maybe you need to have a talk with FI & figure out how you guys will deal with each others families! For instance, if there's a sticky situation such as this one, where an in-law says or does something that you each find offensive, or unbelievable (LOL) how should you both handle it? Will you say something on the spot or will you refer it to him & he handles it if its his family & vice versa if its yours?
        Maybe that will help going forward and with him handling issues that occur with HIS family, you won't look like the crazy, unreasonable, bad guy! KWIM?
        Either way I think boundaries are a good thing, especially to keep the peace between each other!

        Hope your son is much better now!

        #14 Sapphire723

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          Posted 19 February 2009 - 07:56 PM

          Wow... she totally should have given you a heads up on her real reason for the visit, not to mention showing up later in the day.

          If it were my FSIL, I would definitely let her come by and use our washer/dryer/soap any time, but she's super awesome to me and would ask nicely ahead of time. Plus... she would probably bring me rocky road cupcakes as a thank you.

          Definitely set up boundaries. If something isn't ok with you, have your FI let them know early on, so it's clear that stuff like this isn't ok.

          #15 FutureMrsLewis

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            Posted 19 February 2009 - 08:14 PM

            Your wedding is in less than a month, your son JUST got out of the hospital, and her laundry is more important? I would have totally spazzed and instead of asking if she had soap, probably would have flipped my lid and told her I'm not a laundromat and suggested she go find one lol I agree with everyone else, FI needs to have a good chat and set some boundaries with them, because it's only going to get worse if you don't.

            Good luck and keep us posted :) And I hope your little guy is feeling better!

            #16 Jacilynda

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              Posted 19 February 2009 - 08:31 PM

              First, hun I hope you, FI and your son are doing well at home! I wish the best for you.

              I am definitely the odd ball out here. This sounds EXACTLY like my FSIL who is a marine. Although that is just her and this situation would never have phased me i would have just said ya i'll be back later.

              I'm not saying you are out of line it doesn't sound like you are very close w/ FI's family, maybe you are I don't know. I'm very close w/ Joe's family and joe's little sister is exactly like this although it would never had phased me. I think definitely in your situation right now being tired and stressed it's much easier to get upset, much quicker.

              Boundaries...... Joe and I definitely have boundaries. We have talked and together agreed where the boundary line lies. Now, if its his family that is flirting w/ the boundary line, or officially crossed it, it is Joe's responsibility to confront the issue. I don't want to be getting on his family, and if its my family its my responsibility.

              #17 YoursTruly

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                Posted 21 February 2009 - 01:43 AM

                Wow ladies..thanks for all the love and advice. Our lil guy is definitely on the mend and gettingmore stable each day.... I will let him know all his BDW friends are pulling for him....

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