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Am I overthinking things???

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#11 nikkib

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    Posted 18 February 2009 - 02:04 PM

    Thank you so much ladies for the advice. The funny thing about him is that he is so opinionated on everything else, so I'm sure that at the least I can give him options on things to choose from, and that should work out well for us.

    #12 Andi


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      Posted 18 February 2009 - 02:12 PM

      Originally Posted by jkcz0702
      You still have a lot of time. A year ago my FI was like do what you want, however when the wedding got closer he had a lot of opinions and ideas which was so helpful.
      Ha Ha! my FI too told me to basically make all of the decisions which I was completley fine with...now that we are getting closer he is starting to have a lot more opinions too...it is cool but kind of driving me crazy because he is asking about small details that I had covered months ago!

      #13 ~Stephanie~

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        Posted 18 February 2009 - 03:15 PM

        I'm so glad I'm not the only one going through this too! Wedding plans are on my mind day and night and I even dream about them! I have gotten mad at him for not helping or planning and he gives me the line of "I just want you to be happy...blah blah blah." And on a less stressful day I realize that girls think about their wedding day since they were little, boys don't, all they want to do is get married. If he were dreaming of what he would wear on his wedding day we might have bigger issues to explore! And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want him to make decisions, what if he hates something I can't live without? But when it comes down to it he gives me an opinion if I ask for it. Now if I could just get him to write his part of our wedding website!

        Our wedding websitewww.mywedding.com/stephanieandmichaelbailey

        #14 Amarillis

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          Posted 18 February 2009 - 04:15 PM

          Originally Posted by binzer
          No matter what your fiance isn't going to get as excited over the details as you. Most men aren't going to get as excited over flowers or centerpieces, and that's a hard thing to force. That being said, the way he worded his response sounds a bit lazy. Try asking his opinion on something and see how it goes (for example, get something on your list of things to organize down to two choices, and tell him you can't make up your mind and want his input).

          Generally I find my fiance is better for validating my choices than he is for making them. I figure out what I think I want, and then say "I'm thinking of doing this...what do you think?" The only thing he's majorly helped with is choosing songs, b/c I don't want to pick music he hates.

          I think most guys just want to get married. Really, the wedding itself is always more about the bride (girls usually spend forever obsessing over the dress...guys often just go rent a tux). I think it's worth getting mad if he's not willing to give any input when you ask him about something specific, but I doubt he's going to get really into planning, and that's not necessarily a bad thing b/c if it's not his thing, he would probably be bad at it.

          Just think about the girl to guy ratio on this forum, and it should give you a good indication of how into wedding planning men are! If it bothers you still, talk to him about it, and you'll probably find that he does care about the wedding, but that marrying you is the only important detail (and is he wrong? I think us girls get a little too caught up in little things that don't really matter).


          Well Said! I totally agree with all of it!

          My DH was really interested in
          - music
          - rings
          - food

          other than that, I was left to my own devices, and sought approval of my plans from him... i.e. I like this (flowers, ceremony set up, travel mugs, etc.) and he would simply agree that he liked it too. You really don't want a groom-zilla on your hands - that leaves you quite vulnerable to not getting what you want.

          This is your day! As much as people say 'our' day... it really is the bride's day.

          You shouldn't over-react, he is simply opening the doors to your own creative license for the day of your wedding!

          Happy Planning!

          #15 Ana


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          Posted 18 February 2009 - 05:05 PM

          I wouldn't worry about it too much. With most guys its not that they don't care, but more that they just have no idea what to do...or how to do it. Some of them just don't have the vision for it. I've done most of the planning for our wedding and I just consult with Michael on the super important stuff. Maybe just ask your FI if there is anything he would like to have at the wedding...something that he would like to manage and decide on. That might get him involved more and make him feel like he's a part of it.

          #16 angel1416

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            Posted 18 February 2009 - 10:38 PM

            I'm lucky enough to have a man that wants to be involved. Plenty of my girlfriends have gone through this "whatever will make you happy stage", though. My suggestion is to pick 3 options for the decision you're currently making whether it is venue, food, or whatever, and ask for his input/favorite of the three. Then it's a simple decision for him to make his opinion and maybe not as overwhelming as he expects wedding planning to be. Also, set aside 1 night a week to be wedding planning night for him, so he's not bogged down throughout the week. Good luck!
            Amanda & Michael
            Puerto Penasco, Mexico
            Summer 2010

            #17 Celina

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              Posted 21 February 2009 - 10:23 AM

              I agree with Jennifer - you have a lot of time and if he sees something amiss - I'm sure he'll say something. My DH was involved in more than I thought he would be but it all will work itself out in the end. Good luck and happy planning!
              "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

              #18 Lucky_Girl

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                Posted 23 February 2009 - 04:24 PM

                I could not agree more with Angel1416!

                Our deal is that I research things (because I thoroughly enjoy spending an entire day browsing websites for ideas for favours, flowers, STD's, etc) and show him my favourites. He gives his opinion and we chose one together. As long as it's narrowed down to just a few, he's happy.

                As for time, our arrangement is that we only go to Michaels (the craft store) once a week. If it were up to me, we would go every other day! But, to be reasonable, I would have bought half the store by now trying out my newest ideas about centre peices or flowers, etc.

                You have to find a balance that works for you guys. My FI had the same attitude in the beginning, he said to just chose whatever I wanted. Now, as time goes on, he is getting more and more involved. We were talking about where to have our at home reception and he said he was looking forward to looking around for a venue. That completely took me by surprise! I had no idea he was looking forward to that! Curious about what else he was looking forward to, I asked...he said "I'm looking forward to being married to you" aww.

                These men do care about us, and our thoughts and feelings and opinions, if they didn't, they wouldn't have asked us to spend the rest of our lives with them. Just because he doesn't care what shade of pink ribbon you use, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

                #19 TinaM2b

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                  Posted 23 February 2009 - 05:14 PM

                  Great Advise Lady's!! I am hearing the same but what it has boiled down to is the difference between women and men. If it were up to me, we would be talking about everything I have been doing everyday. He is pretty much interested in the budget and the end result and not the details getting there. If I can bring him options, he is more than willing to help make the decision.

                  I too have given him certain items to tend to for us. He is primarily in charge of the music and playlists for the reception and happy hours we hold. He works on his IPod music a lot and is really enjoying it. There are a couple other areas he is primarily in charge of too. I tried to pick things I know he would enjoy doing.

                  #20 Nisi39

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                    Posted 08 April 2009 - 04:37 PM

                    That is tooo funny!... My husband says the exact same thing about our vow renewal DW... and like your man, mine is extremely opinionated....
                    Girl don't worry,if speaking his mind is truly his nature then when time gets closer he'll definately speak up if for no other reason to make sure that you're as happy and your day is as special as can be...

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