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Gently tell people they aren't invited?

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#1 slevesquemut

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    Posted 13 February 2009 - 10:45 AM

    I made the announcement that I would be having a DW around Christmas. Now, I have a lot of my family members calling me to ask where exactly the wedding will be so they can plan their trips. I thought I made it perfectly clear that it would just be immediate family and close friends, and everyone else would be invited to our AHR. The wedding is not for a while, but why does everyone just think that they are all invited to the wedding? How do I gently break it to them that I really don't want a large crowd? Not to be mean, but my family are a bunch of lushes who can turn any event into a keg party.

    #2 DWandMJ

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      Posted 13 February 2009 - 10:32 PM

      Do we have the same relatives?

      I, personally, would keep the wedding on the DL and really only provide details to people that are invited. For the pondering minds that assume they're on the guest list, I would tactfully let them know that you plan to have a private/intimate ceremony because it is so personal to you and that you would love to celebrate with everyone upon your return home.
      I would avoid disclosing who is and who is not invited because it could hurt uncle bob's feelings that your best friend from childhood is invited to the nuptuals and he's not.

      #3 binzer

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        Posted 14 February 2009 - 04:55 AM

        I agree that you should definitely avoid making it public who is and isnt invited. We're going to be sure after the wedding to only publicly show pictures of the bridal party, and my family is spreading the word that we're just having an intimate affair (so that people assume they arent invited, instead of the other way around).

        If it's a big problem, you could send out AHR invites or save the dates really early so that people know they're not invited (but at the same time are getting invited to something wedding related, thus making it less offensive).

        Generally with wedding etiquette, it seems like most things are better when they don't come directly from the mouth of the bride, so talk to those close to you and hopefully they can help spread the word that its a super small wedding.

        #4 Mother of Bride

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          Posted 15 February 2009 - 12:12 AM

          No matter what you do, someone will be hurt, but you know what? It's YOUR wedding & you only have to invite the people you REALLY want with you. No one would just invite themselves and make travel plans without an invitaion--would they ?

          #5 Celina

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            Posted 15 February 2009 - 09:24 PM

            Honestly, we had so many people who said they were going and didn't go. I wouldn't stress over it. Like everyone said, keep it to immediate family and close friends.
            "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

            #6 Inked1

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              Posted 04 March 2009 - 07:39 PM

              When in doubt blame the resort....We are telling people that we are already at chapel seating limit...granted that is easier for a Vegas wedding than one on the beach. But you can always say the reception site you chose has limited space.

              #7 Sheree10

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                Posted 14 March 2009 - 04:06 PM

                I'm having the same issue. Just tell them that you'll be having a private cermony for family and close friends but they can attend the AHR.

                BRIDE + GROOM + 60 GUESTS!!

                #8 big3n09

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                  Posted 14 March 2009 - 04:28 PM

                  I agree with binzer, I would send them a STD for the AHR so they know what they are being invited to and I would only discuss details with those that are invited to the destination. If someone tries to corner you just let them know the ceremony is going to be small and for immediate family and friends.

                  I also agree with Celina many people may say their coming and then for various reasons back out!

                  I'm still trying to figure how I'm going to address my situation because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I also know who I want there as well as who I can depend on to be there so I'm not gonna stress, after all it's our big day!
                  4/1/11 in St. Kitts at the Marriott I married my best-friend!!!

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