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Father Passed Away...Dance Partners/Song Ideas?


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#11 Candice

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    Posted 03 March 2009 - 04:00 PM

    I think the Luther Vandross song is great but if you wanted it to come form a womans point of view Celion Dion sings the same song so its a daughter singing it to her father instead of a son.
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    #12 dodds

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      Posted 20 April 2009 - 02:21 PM

      I once went to a wedding where the bride had lost her father too. She had her uncle walk her down the aisle, but for the father/daughter dance, she danced with her husband and asked that all the daughters in the room dance with their fathers. She had soooo many fathers thank her later. It was a special moment for so many people in the room.

      #13 mmontgo

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        Posted 19 May 2009 - 04:44 PM

        I'm so very sorry about your loss. I believe the appropriate etiquette would be to dance with your uncle. I know people in similar situations and they have always danced with their uncle.

        #14 JOSIE

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          Posted 19 May 2009 - 04:54 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by dodds
          I once went to a wedding where the bride had lost her father too. She had her uncle walk her down the aisle, but for the father/daughter dance, she danced with her husband and asked that all the daughters in the room dance with their fathers. She had soooo many fathers thank her later. It was a special moment for so many people in the room.
          I think this is fabulous idea and it truly touched me. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father, but he will be with you in spirit. Good Luck & Best wishes :)
          11.28.2009

          #15 JOSIE

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            Posted 19 May 2009 - 04:57 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by BillysBride
            I lost my dad several years ago, but the loss is still very painful and always will be. Sorry to hear you are dealing with losing your father.

            I don't know how set you are on the idea of a dance, but just thought I'd let you know what I'm doing. In lieu of a father/daughter dance, since for ME there is just no one that would symbolize it the right way, I'm putting together a slide show of photos. Pics of me with my dad growing up, my father alone, doing things he enjoyed..I'm going to set it to Luther Vandross' "Dance With My Father" as a tribute because lyrically, the song is perfect for a child wishing with all her heart she had just that one last time with him. (Ok, tearing up typing this)

            Anyway, I just thought it would be a nice way of including memories of my dad in the wedding and sort of HAVING a moment with him even though he can't physically be there. Good luck to you. I hope you come to a decision you are comfortable with.

            I'll copy the lyrics to the song, just in case anyone doesn't know them and might want to do anything similar, even if it's just wording on ceremony programs or what have you.


            Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
            My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
            Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
            Then up the stairs he would carry me
            And I knew for sure I was loved

            If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
            I'd play a song that would never, ever end
            How I'd love, love, love
            To dance with my father again

            When I and my mother would disagree
            To get my way, I would run from her to him
            He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
            Then finally make me do just what my mama said
            Later that night when I was asleep
            He left a dollar under my sheet
            Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

            If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
            I'd play a song that would never, ever end
            'Cause I'd love, love, love
            To dance with my father again

            Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
            And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
            I pray for her even more than me
            I pray for her even more than me
            I know I'm praying for much too much
            But could you send back the only man she loved
            I know you don't do it usually
            But dear Lord she's dying
            To dance with my father again
            Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

            Wow, my eyes are filled with tears reading this. That is such a wonderful idea and will be so special on your wedding day. It will leave everyone with memories of your father which I believe is very important for those who did not get the chance to meet him. Awesome Idea!!! I'm sorry for your loss as well.
            11.28.2009

            #16 cougs

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              Posted 19 May 2009 - 05:08 PM

              i think billysbride's idea is beautiful (though i don't think i could make it thru the slideshow ... i started crying just reading about it!), and dodds idea was very nice too, though i'm not sure how many sets of fathers/daughters you will have attending your wedding, so it might not work for you.

              have you considered dancing with your new father-in-law? i don't know if you are close yet, but my FFIL has always made me feel welcomed like a part of their family, and i think were i faced with this dilemma i might have chosen to dance with him. i think your FI's family would be touched. edited to add that you would probably have to search for the perfect song for this ... most of the usual ones won't really be appropriate.

              #17 destination

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                Posted 19 May 2009 - 06:14 PM

                Wow: emotional thread!! I just passed the 12 year mark since I lost my dad and still cried reading this stuff. For some reason this wedding has brought out emotions I didn't plan for. I am not doing a father daughter dance and my brother who is 7 years older than me will be walking me down the aisle. I just planned on not mentioning the dance at all and since there is no replacement I am not going to have a stand-in. For me personally no dad=no father/daughter dance.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by K'osh
                My father recently passed away from cancer and I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. I've asked my best friend to walk me down the aisle since he's been like a brother to me growing up. I'm a bit confused on the etiquette of the father/daughter dance though. I've just been informed that my dad's brother (who sat many hours in the hospital with me) is now thinking of attending the wedding. So...do I ask him, my FI's father (who hates to dance) or my best friend that's walking me down the aisle?
                That aside, I was going to dance to Butterfly Kisses (song meant a lot to both of us) but I'm not sure if that is still appropriate (especially if I dance with my best friend).
                Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
                First off, my condolences. I agree with the other girls, you must do what YOU feel is right and remember to make sure everyone else (your uncle) is comfortable with what you choose. I would personally want to keep butterfly kisses between you and your father and not associate a new memory with it. In the years aheadyou may be glad because the memories seem fewer and fewer as the years pass. My advice is try to keep them pure, but with the caveat that everyone is different especially when bereaved. Go with your gut.
                I also am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think if it were me I would skip the dance altogether. Your uncle isn't comfortable dancing and just the fact that he will be in attendance is great. I would have a memorial candle for your dad and leave it at that.
                I agree, in my position I am skipping it. I will have a memorial fram with his pic on my bouquet and for the AHR my mom is doing a floral arrangement from the garden he built her the year before he died, so there are some things that can be done to remember but not overwhelm (I seem easily overwhlelmed byu memories of my dad in relation to my wedding and don't want to be a crying mess)
                Quote:
                Originally Posted by BillysBride
                I lost my dad several years ago, but the loss is still very painful and always will be. Sorry to hear you are dealing with losing your father.

                I don't know how set you are on the idea of a dance, but just thought I'd let you know what I'm doing. In lieu of a father/daughter dance, since for ME there is just no one that would symbolize it the right way, I'm putting together a slide show of photos. Pics of me with my dad growing up, my father alone, doing things he enjoyed..I'm going to set it to Luther Vandross' "Dance With My Father" as a tribute because lyrically, the song is perfect for a child wishing with all her heart she had just that one last time with him. (Ok, tearing up typing this)

                Anyway, I just thought it would be a nice way of including memories of my dad in the wedding and sort of HAVING a moment with him even though he can't physically be there. Good luck to you. I hope you come to a decision you are comfortable with.

                I'll copy the lyrics to the song, just in case anyone doesn't know them and might want to do anything similar, even if it's just wording on ceremony programs or what have you.


                Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
                My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
                Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
                Then up the stairs he would carry me
                And I knew for sure I was loved

                If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
                I'd play a song that would never, ever end
                How I'd love, love, love
                To dance with my father again

                When I and my mother would disagree
                To get my way, I would run from her to him
                He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
                Then finally make me do just what my mama said
                Later that night when I was asleep
                He left a dollar under my sheet
                Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

                If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
                I'd play a song that would never, ever end
                'Cause I'd love, love, love
                To dance with my father again

                Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
                And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
                I pray for her even more than me
                I pray for her even more than me
                I know I'm praying for much too much
                But could you send back the only man she loved
                I know you don't do it usually
                But dear Lord she's dying
                To dance with my father again
                Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
                Wow, I commend your bravery. Not a chance could I do this. I would be an absolute mess and I know that is not what my dad would want. Afterall, the day is for celebration. That is why I have chosen a few small symbolic things that others may or may not notice, but me and those closest to me will know and that is what matters to me
                Quote:
                Originally Posted by dodds
                I once went to a wedding where the bride had lost her father too. She had her uncle walk her down the aisle, but for the father/daughter dance, she danced with her husband and asked that all the daughters in the room dance with their fathers. She had soooo many fathers thank her later. It was a special moment for so many people in the room.
                This is a great idea!!!

                #18 saltocoach

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                  Posted 19 May 2009 - 10:34 PM

                  You have my sympathies. My FI had lost his father when he was in his early 20's and my sister and I were orphaned by the age of 6. I can understand your predicament. We've opted out of having anyone walk us down the aisle. We'll go down alone. As for the father/daughter dance... won't be one! I'd rather have everyone dance in memory of those who were loved and lost. We will honor them in our speeches as well as photos and memory table. My advise is just do what feels right to you. As long as you're true to your heart you'll never be wrong.

                  #19 mrsrhbtobe

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                    Posted 20 May 2009 - 12:31 AM

                    Someone pass me some major Kleenex!! I unfortunately know the pain of having lost a father, as my Daddy hasn't been gone even 1 year. I have thought about what I am going to do for both the walk down the isle and the father/daughter dance. I love both BillysBride and Dodd's ideas. I think I will walk by myself down the isle. I wear my Daddy's diamond from his wedding ring to my mother in a necklace everyday and will surely have it on my neck as I marry my FI. That way, I won't be walking alone, but with my Daddy in heaven. Whew tears!!!!! I really like the idea of "Dance with My Father" and having me dance with my FI and the other Daddies in the room dance with their daughters. Thanks BDW ladies for helping make a difficult decision pretty clear....but not without a few tears:) Whew!

                    Whatever you chose, know that your Daddy will be there, smiling. I think as long as you feel good about your decision, your Daddy would approve. Best of luck.
                    Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.

                    #20 K'osh

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                      Posted 26 May 2009 - 02:20 PM

                      I unfortunately won't have a lot of "fathers" attending our wedding but the idea that dodds had is a really good one. I will have a memory frame on my bouquet and will leave an empty seat in the front row during the ceremony with a little poem and explanation in the program. Billysbride's idea is fantastic unfortunately I would probably need 3 boxes of kleenex to watch a slideshow...I do like the idea of dancing with my new hubby to the song. Thank you ladies for all your input.
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