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Bridesmaids blues....I think I might do without them


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#1 WAJA2009

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    Posted 09 February 2009 - 02:47 PM

    Quick background info:
    I was expecting about 65 guests. It looks like I may have about 30-35. I have 2 MOHs 4 BMs and 2 Junior BMS (my little sisters), so already there are alot of girls in the party.

    Here are the problems:

    1. My 2 Moh's/best friends since 7th grade are acting like a$$holes! They haven't paid ANYTHING towards the wedding deposit, which is DUE March 1 and I gave them 2 years to plan. Funny thing is they were the ones that were the most excited when I got engaged and encouraged us to have a destination wedding. Now, they keep saying the economy has them strapped, but its complete bull because they are actually making MORE money than they were before the economic downturn and nothing has affected them personally (i.e. foreclosure, job loss, etc.) They don't want to go to try on BM dresses. They always complain about the fact that they don't have a man, which is annoying, like I should guilty because I do have one and I don't rub it in, believe me. Just recently, one of my MOHs told me that she would be fine just sitting in the audience! Well, gee thanks!

    2. 2 of my other BMs have also expressed that they don't care one way or the other if they are in the wedding. The other one, I don't barely even talk to.

    Here are my questions
    1. Should I just drop the whole bridal party idea? I don't want to have people by my side that don't care to be there. I haven't done anything wrong, except find a man that loves me and it seems like they can't be happy for me. Instead, they just bitch and complain about their situation and how they can't find a man and they are never getting married and blah, blah, blah. I have been a good friend and I am not pushy at all when it comes to the wedding. I tried to make sure that the dresses I chose were dresses that were affordable and can be worn again. I told them not to worry about a big lavish bach. party, because I did not want them to spend more money than they already will to come to Jamaica for the wedding. I don't even talk about my relationship with my FI because I know that they are so fixated on the fact that they don't have a man than I don't want to make them feel worse by telling them how happy I am. It's all stupid and trivial, I know, but its the way it is.

    I thought these were my girls, but it seems like they just aren't the least bit enthused about being in the wedding or even attending the wedding.

    2. Is anyone not having any bms? What do you do instead?

    3. If you have no BMs, who throws your bach party. Do they still do it? Do you do it yourself? So confused and sad

    #2 samanthag

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      Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:04 PM

      I'm sooo sorry that you have to deal with this!

      Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!

      You are not alone. Just know that when it comes to weddings unfortunately there are some self centered people who only think of themselves and not the feeling of the BRIDE!!
      If they are giving you problems I say just do without them. Who wants people standing next to them who don't mind "sitting in the audience" while you and your hubby profess your love for each other. I mean, who cares if they don't have a "man" with them. They should be more than happy that you have found the man of your dreams!!!!!
      I know it must be hard but remember this is your day!
      Do what's going to be less stressful on you and make you happy!

      #3 soccergurl3

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        Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:08 PM

        I am having the same exact problem. My bridesmaids are more worried about what bridemaid dresses they will pick that will knock everyone off their feet, and how amazing their hair is going to be then give a crap about me on my day. That's all they ever talk about! And I got so fed up with them not being able to come dress shopping that i bought the dress online because I didn't want to go into the stores by myself!!! It's actually ridiculous, they are supposed to be there to help me plan the wedding and have it be my day but they are more concerned with how they look that they don't even care. I am seriously about to order their dresses without them knowing and telling them both to pur thier hair up. I have had my dress for 3 months and not once did they even ask to look at it!!!!Sorry i had to vent....

        #4 lil_miss_frogg

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          Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:12 PM

          I am personally having BM...but if I were in your situation I would just nix the whole wedding party idea. If they aren't that into it then why should they have the honor of being in your wedding. Are your sisters acting the same way? As far as the bachlorette party...neither of my girls are into the same stuff I am into....and they have told me that they do not want to throw a bachlorette party for me...I was all for that, because from the get go my FI and I agreed to have our parties together. We are going bar hopping and having close friends go with us. It's gonna be a hoot! Good luck with your decision!
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          #5 Susanandmo

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            Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:38 PM

            Sorry to hear that you are having these issue.
            Focus on what's important to you...
            Your wedding and the planning process is time for you to be happy and enjoy and if your "friends" can't share this joy with you without bitching and being inconsiderate then you don't need them by your side on such a wonderful day.

            I've been a bridesmaid 4 times and boi I have to tell you that is tuff, especially when you are in a different city. All the expenses that are associatted with it... however, I loved it and I was so honored that they wanted me to be part of their day...

            With that said I'll have to admit that we aren't having bridemaids. My FI is having a bestman and I'm not sure if I'll have a MOH... I have friends, but my wedding is so significant to me... that I want to make sure that whoever, is part of it, is someone that truly is someone that honors me and my FI, as much as I honor them. I know that it's probably going to look weird to have a bestman, but not a MOH, but I really don't care... I'm going to have my brother walk me down the aisle and I'll probably just tell him to stand next to me. He'll be my MOH :0)
            ...

            #6 Susanandmo

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              Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:45 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by soccergurl3
              I am having the same exact problem. My bridesmaids are more worried about what bridemaid dresses they will pick that will knock everyone off their feet, and how amazing their hair is going to be then give a crap about me on my day. That's all they ever talk about! And I got so fed up with them not being able to come dress shopping that i bought the dress online because I didn't want to go into the stores by myself!!! It's actually ridiculous, they are supposed to be there to help me plan the wedding and have it be my day but they are more concerned with how they look that they don't even care. I am seriously about to order their dresses without them knowing and telling them both to pur thier hair up. I have had my dress for 3 months and not once did they even ask to look at it!!!!Sorry i had to vent....
              I went dress shopping by myself and at first I felt weird, but the sales folks were so nice that now I'm glad I did it that way....

              I would love to see your dress. Did you post on the forum already?
              ...

              #7 KatyKo

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                Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:50 PM

                I am having some similar issues. My sister is my MOH and has been awesome...she is very excited and is almost done paying for her travel. My 2 best friends, however (my 2 BMs) were not excited for me when I called them the night of my engagement, and have not brought up or acknowledged that fact that I am getting married since).

                One of them has the worst problems with guys and the other has dated a loser for the past 8 years and doesn't believe in happily ever after...so apparently, I'm the one who gets to deal with it, since I have found an amazing man who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

                If it would make you happy and less stressed out, I would say just have them come to the wedding (if they will) and sit with the rest of your guests. It is not worth you being unhappy on your day just because they can't put their own issues out of the way to be happy for you.

                Good luck!!

                #8 DTHSLove

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                  Posted 09 February 2009 - 03:57 PM

                  on them don't worry about haters. Its your day make sure you look the best. Maybe they are in a cash crunch, it maynot look like it but you never know. Call a meeting and see, tell them to be honest about their situation, if that is it and they want to sit in the audience well let them less people to worry about. If they are still going to be there how much more is it going to cost them

                  #9 ~Stephanie~

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                    Posted 09 February 2009 - 04:14 PM

                    A lot of us seem to have one problem or another when it comes to other people and our weddings... I know you are having a difficult time and are so stressed out and upset (I think we all are in the same boat). Doing a destination wedding comes with even more possible problems. Without going into great detail we have people not coming that we really hoped would (FI mom and my best friend) and we have people that are mad that we are going because they can't afford it (my father).

                    But in the end my FI and I decided that we are still going forward even if we are the only two people there because this is what we have always wanted and really the only people that matter are he and I. As long as he shows up that's all that matters! lol. Of course it would be great to share it with all our loved ones and it does make me sad to think about what I am giving up. But I certainly don't want anyone there that doesn't want to be there and for the people that do show up, that is really saying something about them. We are even leaving our children (from previous marriages) behind, not because we don't want them there but because its the only way for us to have the wedding we want without giving up our dreams. We plan to hire a videographer to capture everything so if they do want to watch it they can. Same goes for the family and friends that don't want to go.

                    Bottom line, its about you and your FI and if I were you I would do without the wedding party because it isn't going to mean anything if its not special to them.

                    And of course you should still have your party! Just don't invite them!

                    Keep your chin up, and we are always here to listen!
                    ~Stephanie

                    Our wedding websitewww.mywedding.com/stephanieandmichaelbailey

                    #10 Yari

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                      Posted 09 February 2009 - 05:14 PM

                      Weddings bring out the worst in people. It is so upsetting! I had BM's drop out, but I was lucky that they didn't complain at least not to me. I sometimes felt like they didn't care about the latest detail or change, but then it hit me that I am thinking about my wedding 24/7. They have their own lives and think about it every once in awhile.

                      I think your BM's are being quite selfish and mean. I can't believe one would say she would be happy sitting in the audience. WTF? That is very insulting. I would have a talk with each and everyone of them and tell them your feelings. They might surprise you. Now if they don't give a rat's ass, looks like you need to drop them as friends.




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