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Paying for guests?

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#1 DarcyJAde

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    Posted 04 February 2009 - 04:38 PM

    A few people in my FI's bridal party have started to complain about the cost of travel to our wedding. One of the people has 2 teens, so it would cost a lot for all 3 of them. My FI says he will help his brother no matter what. How much can we help? This wedding is costing way more then anticipated already. I feel bad, and it has been difficult on us strting to feel like we are "putting people out". I don't think it's fair to pay for a few people, and we can't pay for everyone. My own mother has a limited salary and is paying her own way. What would you do?


    #2 beachbride08

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      Posted 04 February 2009 - 05:09 PM

      If you can't afford to cover the travel expenses I wouldn't. Some people make room in their budget to cover expenses for people they want to make sure can come to the wedding. We paid for our wedding and travel expenses on our own, and we knew there were guests we invited that wouldn't be able to come (and we heard about it, trust me). However, from the beginning we knew that would happen and we were happy with whoever was able to come. All that really needed to be there was Mike and I so anyone else was a bonus. If people really want to be there, they will find a way to pay for the trip. I wouldn't make yourself go broke to pay your guest's travel fees, and just be greatful for the people that make the trip because then you know it was really important for them to be there to share in your day.

      If it is just the bridal party complaining, maybe you can let them know that if they can't afford it they don't have to come. Instead of paying their travel expenses you can offer to pay for the wedding attire or something. I bought my bridesmaid's dresses and everything they needed for the wedding day so it was less they needed to worry about and spend money on since they were paying for the trip. I also only had 2 BMs and a flowergirl and we budgeted to cover those items up front since it was something I wanted to do from the beginning.

      #3 Hartyt509

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        Posted 04 February 2009 - 05:54 PM

        The same thing is happening with us but we just can't pay for anyone so i've said i'll be sorry if you're not there but i'm still going lol

        If FI wants to pay for his brother then he needs to find the cash for that himself and I agree its not fair to pay for one and not the other

        #4 Sloan

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          Posted 04 February 2009 - 06:00 PM

          We only have 9 guests coming to our wedding b/c of the cost. Most of our friends and family aren't able to afford it b/c of layoffs, trying to put kids through college... etc the list of valid excuses goes on. FI and I did however, decide to flip 1/2 the bills for my one and only BM and his BM. My feelings are if people cant pay for their own way there -- too bad. I cant afford to pay for people to attend my wedding + pay for my own wedding. Sucks that people cant be there with us, but that's what you have to expect more often than not when you plan a DW. Im not placating anyone by having an AHR either.

          #5 sunsetbride1

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            Posted 04 February 2009 - 07:11 PM

            I agree with everyone else on this one!

            First, you can't pay for one immediate family member and not the others; that will cost more drama than your DW itself.

            Second, if people can't afford to come; wish them well and tell them you will show them the pics when you return. My sister and her family aren't coming; bc they cannot afford it... But, this is what FI and I want for a wedding; so if we only have the 14 people that have already booked; so be it. And mind you, only our parents and one of my cousins are coming from either of our families. Some of our family was upset at first and complained up a storm.. eventually it died down when they saw that we were set on having a DW and no amount of bching would change it.

            #6 Trice

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              Posted 04 February 2009 - 07:17 PM

              We are not paying for guest to come. We are paying for our own wedding. We did purchase the bridal party's attire. We originally planned to elope so having anyone come is fine with us. I tell those who can't afford to come that we will have lots of pictures. To those that suggest we have an AHR so they can come, I tell them WE are having our reception in Jamaica.

              #7 BachataBride

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                Posted 04 February 2009 - 07:46 PM

                We were offered a free spot if we had X number of people book. We gave that seat to DHs sister who we know would struggle to come up with the money & we both really wanted her & her hubby there. Check with your TA to see if this deal applies to you! Or you could deduct the amount of the free person from all the guests, but that is typically less than $100 so it probably wouldn't make that big of a difference. You could also suggest that people only go for a few days, or wait to possible catch a last minute deal - maybe you're wedding details would not allow for that, I don't know. In any case, good luck! And remember, you should not put yourself in debt to avoid others going into it!

                #8 mrss2010

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                  Posted 04 February 2009 - 07:50 PM

                  You can help as much or as little as you want. Some people in our families are not going to be able to afford it (and some just won't want to spend the money). But we already decided that the people we can't do without are my mom and FI's son. So we are paying for them and factoring that into our budget.

                  Also worried about being "fair" - so we just aren't telling anyone what we are paying for!

                  #9 luvtoteachlaw

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                    Posted 08 February 2009 - 02:04 AM

                    We are paying for my sister, her husband and my two nieces to come to the wedding. They are able to save enough to buy airfare for themselves, but we are paying the per person cost for each of them. I cannot imagine getting married without them there, so I didn't even question the choice to pay for them.

                    #10 BC Bride2be

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                      Posted 08 February 2009 - 04:20 AM

                      I agree, paying for one guest and not another is a hard call. It all comes down to the budget - perhaps instead of paying for one full ticket you guys can help out a couple of people (maybe couple hundred each instead of the all $$ for one full ticket).
                      It may not be a lot but to those on a tight budget it could make the difference!
                      When we decided on a DW we knew our immediate family (six of them) would have a really hard time with the cost. So instead of all the extras at the wedding we went for the no frills package so we could pay for them to come; for us that was more important.
                      Honestly at the end of the day I think its more important that you don’t go into debt for your wedding if you can help it, if you can’t afford to pay for these people then you need sit down with your FI and together come up with a viable solution to either rework the budget or tell them sorry.

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