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WAJA2009

Blended families? Anyone?

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Sorry you arehaving such a hard time sad.gif I have a 5 year old as well so please know it can be a challenging age :) My 5 year old is lukewarm to my fiance but I keep trying to let him know that it takes time to build a relationship with her and it will get better. I know its hard in the process but hang in there - you got some great tips from everyone!

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Originally Posted by deefalvey View Post
Are you guys including her in the wedding? My fiance has 2 boys (8 and almost 11, they were 2 and 5 when we started dating) and while they have never been apprehensive about me or me marrying their dad, they do have a mother who is negative about me and this wedding. When they came back from the first weekend of being at their mom's after we got engaged, the were kind of distant and we could tell she must have said something. We are including the boys in the wedding. The older one is serving as the "junior" best man and the younger one is the ring bearer. I am saying vows with both of them and exchanging gifts (they are giving me a wedding band and I am giving each of them an ID bracelet) during the ceremony. We are making this wedding as much about the 4 of us becoming a family as it is about me marrying their dad. Once we explained all of this to them they became excited again and asked us if we could have the wedding next week.

Blending families is never easy, I don't know if my story of my situation will be of any help. Best of luck to you!

My FH also has a daughter, who will be 3 at the time of the wedding. We haven't had any problems with her accepting me, and we will be incorporating her into the wedding! Hopefully if you incorporate his daughter into the wedding she will feel better about everything; explain everything to her; and let her know she isn't being left out. When you marry your FH your also becoming an instant family with his daughter!

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It's very diffcult at first but very rewarding once you establish trust with them. Trust me, she'll come around... hopefully sooner than later. My FI has 3 (yes 3) daughters ranging in ages from 7 to 17 ! It took the middle one quite some time to warm up to me- Years infact. Shes finally to the point now that she can actually laugh and tell me "I hated you so much when you first started dating my dad"! Patience is key for sure; especially at her age. Little girls are very protective over their daddies. Once she figures out that your not trying to take her dad away then you two can be great friends! Good Luck!

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I think you are right in thinking that this acting out may be because of the inconcistencies in her life right now. She has a lot going on at home and then her dad is re-marrying. She has to feel like she isn't sure where she belongs. Continue to be loving and patient with her. This too shall pass!

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I think my perspective on this situation is slightly different. I was the annoying, disrespectful child who didn't want to share my mom. I can say from personal experience that it will pass. My mom started dating my stepfather when I was about 5 or 6 and I never wanted them to get married. I think I may have even begged them NOT to get married a week or so before the wedding. If it's any consolation once the wedding was said and done my life went back to normal and I accepted my stepfather. They went on to have four more kids and I was very happy. It sounds to me like his daughter is going through a period of instability. With her dad getting married and her mom's recent break up it's all probably very confusing to her. Most likely once you are married she will see you and your husband as a source of comfort and stability in her life. It won't be a question of "if" he gets married anymore, he simply will be and that will become her reality. Just continue to be patient and try your hardest not to take it personally. It's certainly nothing against you, she's just confused and probably a little scared of where she will end up in all of this. Good luck :)

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