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Amount of ppl going - am I too sensitive??

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#21 destination

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  • 215 posts

    Posted 31 January 2009 - 07:43 PM

    Any wedding-obsessed girls, don't read any further. A wedding is a big deal, I don't deny it. But it's not the single, most IMPORTANT day of your WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. That's a pretty big label that maybe NO day will ever merit. There are lots of important events in life, and if your friends/family miss one, they'll make it for it by attending another. That's the way the cookie crumbles. You gotta go into this level-headed and put things into perspective. In the end, the only non-negotiables for me were me and my man and our parents. I was prepared to go thru with it if those were the ONLY ppl who were coming with us.

    We're having an AHR to make up for friends and family that couldn't come. That's always an option, as is just a dinner party, or garden party, or whatever. It doesn't have to be a $20,000 affair at a ritzy hotel with catering and a DJ if you don't want it to be.[/QUOTE]

    Cheers to that!! I totally agree. I was willing to elope, but I know ourparents would have been crushed. My FI and I argued over the guest list because I wanted small and intimate from day one. I have given in on some things, but we are still only at about 30, so it is acceptable.
    If ou want a DW, def have one and if you feel guilty, celebrate with everyone with an AHR when you get back. Have your cake and eat it too! And don't be upset, many people are going thru tought times financially right now and it is def a factor in everyone's guest lists.

    #22 jmb0902

    • Jr. Member
    • 496 posts

      Posted 01 February 2009 - 03:18 AM

      Originally Posted by BeautifulBridetoBe
      I must agree. Be assured that you should have the wedding you want, not the one everyone else would prefer you have. The wedding is just one day, but the memories your wedding day last long after the cake is cut. So it is important that they be the memories you want to have. When choosing to have a DW, I ran a little experiment on my girlfriend who was wondering why we could not just get married in Toronto.

      I asked her how many weddings she had attended in her lifetime.
      She said about 15.
      I asked her if she remembered all 15.
      She didn't, as a matter of fact, I think she recalled about 4of them and all of the details were fuzzy.
      She could not remember what she ate, what the BMs wore, what churches they were at, the names of the wedding couple,, etc.

      But I am sure the brides of those weddings remember!

      That is my point. Why have a wedding to please your guests and perhaps in 5 years and 5 weddings later, they won't even remember yours? As brides, we remember ALL of the details...our guests forget. We see the little things that our closest family and friends never see. Therefore, it is important to have the wedding you want to have. The memories of your wedding will be very special to you, long after guests forget.

      For my wedding, we prayed from the beginning that those who were supposed to be there would be. That means that we will not stress over the guest list...we are leaving it in God's hands. If someone cannot make it, we know God has it all under control. And when we are surprised by a booking, we leave that it God's hand too. We are trusting that who God intended to be there will be.

      A small guest list can be a blessing.
      WOW!! What a way to put in in perspective... I've never thought about it that way! I know that the ppl I need there, and who are most important to me will be there... and that is what is important! Thank you for your wise words!

      #23 jmb0902

      • Jr. Member
      • 496 posts

        Posted 01 February 2009 - 03:25 AM

        Thank you all sooooo much for your replies and advice... there is nothing like hearing from ppl in the exact situation as you - and especially hearing from those of you who have already gone through this and LOVED it just the same! I feel like there are certain expectations (from family members, friends, etc.) but the whole reason why we are doing a DW is to avoid those, but I was getting caught up in them.

        I literally have a cousin who texts me every other day asking if I've reconsidered my wedding location, and have I thought about this XYZ place (in the U.S. of course). I am SICK of it! Luckily my mom and my family is being the best about it - reminding me every so nicely that this mine and my FH's day, not anyone elses!

        #24 Positanobride10

        • Jr. Member
        • 205 posts

          Posted 01 February 2009 - 01:55 PM

          I tend to agree with others posting, usually a DW will cut down the guest list. For me, I never wanted a large wedding. I am only inviting my two best friends and our immediate family.

          I felt guilty about it for a minute until I was reminded by my sister who just got married (large local wedding) that no matter what, whether the wedding is here or away, big or small, I will unintentionally hurt someone's feelings. Its just apart of getting married.

          In an effort to help, see what deals you can get for some of your guests whether it be at the hotel/resort, airline tickets, etc. We are paying for one of my friend's plane tickets who we want there and cannot afford the plane ticket and the rest of travel costs. Flying to Europe is really costly. We are also going to pay for a group excursion during the wedding week so we can spend extra time with our guests doing something local. I know if we pay for the day excursion, it will cut down on some stress for our guests. I hope this helps, good luck.

          #25 Dreamgirl08

          • Jr. Member
          • 292 posts

            Posted 01 February 2009 - 02:44 PM

            Oh please don't feel bad!!!

            I'm totally in the same boat. I'm kind of over it by now honestly. We too sent out 50 invites...so far 7 have booked..! It's really no ones fault, but the ridiculous ECONOMY CRISIS! We're def. having a Back at Home Reception when we get back though. And the worst part of it all is that none of my family members can make it, just close friends. But whatever...we're staying focused, after all at the end of it all it's really just about you and fiance. I keep reminding myself that our guests who are going, location and photographer will more then make-up for the frustration with this. At this point we're counting on 10 people...and honestly it's really a great thing when it comes to our pockets. So don't wory about it, your wedding will be beautiful regardless. GOOD LUCK & DON'T STRESS :)

            #26 slapsappyhappy

            • Jr. Member
            • 443 posts

              Posted 02 February 2009 - 04:52 PM

              I am worried too b/c my FI comes from a small family with money and I have a large family of regular people. He is not even concerned with anything and even has friends that could easily afford to go and here I am worried about getting my brother to go, lol! I feel your pain b/c I am not even sure that I want a DW b/c I want my relatives to be there... it will be okay whatever you choose.

              #27 BeachBrideBeth08

              • Newbie
              • 28 posts

                Posted 02 February 2009 - 09:06 PM

                Even if you had the 'big' wedding at home and didn't have a DW, someone would be unhappy. My brother's traditional wedding this summer was full of disappointed family and friends for one reason or another. When it comes to weddings, people complain so much!

                We have about 15 ppl coming - we invited 150. I was worried that only our parents would come but it seems like in the last month or two we have new people booking every week! (We have 8 weeks to go)

                It will be fine and you will have a great time! :)

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