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People Who Don't RSVP

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#1 Jessica

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    Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:13 AM

    So, RSVP's are a really touchy subject for me. I included stamps on them along with clear instructions of when they were due, and that they NEEDED to be back by this due date because I have to give head counts and such.

    So, several people did not return their RSVP cards. We hunted those down. We got a few "yeah, we're coming."

    Ok, well you didn't send the RSVP back so we didn't know

    "Oh, yeah. Well we're coming."

    Okkkkkaaaaayyy. I bite my tongue for these people and angrily scribbled down there names on the "yes" list.

    So, my aunt, cousin and cousin's gf, weren't originally on my invite list, not because i don't want them there, but honestly, haven't seen them since i was like 15 and it just didn't occur to me. However, my cousin is close to my dad and lives in the same area as my dad (parents are divorced). But they expressed interest in coming to my dad, so I said, cool, and sent them everything when I sent out everyone elses.

    They did not return their RSVP's.


    They recived that same "Are you coming?" call.

    They reply with "Yeah, I think so."

    Well, ok, but I need an answer ASAP.

    Repeat this process for the past month.

    No seriously people, I NEED your answers. Final head counts are needed for the reception, ceremony (chairs,etc), transportation and a couple of other things. I mean I have vendors emailing me wanting the head count.

    They still are being super wishy washy saying, yeah, we're trying to come but have to get our tickets etc. Ok, i understand they don't have a lot of money, but i gave them a year to save and if they wanted to come so bad, they should have started setting aside money long ago and not waited until the last minute to try to scrape it together. It's pissing me off!!!!

    Finally I just included them in the headcount so I could start paying stuff. But if they don't come, it basically means I wasted about $500 accommodating them when they aren't showing. At this point I don't even want them there. At this point, I can still do a last minute headcount adjustment and get the money back, but they won't give me a firm answer if they are coming or not. I don't want to be completely rude and say "Well, you can't come, you didn't return the RSVP anyway!"

    Ugh. I'm not even sure if this is a rant, question or what.

    #2 LadyP

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      Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:18 AM

      I would not include them until they say 100%. I think it was tammy who went through the same thing and now she is happy with the 3 people that are coming.

      Dont put out the cash until you are sure.

      #3 TammyB

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        Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:18 AM

        I feel your pain, what's worse is the people you know won't go but still won't send their RSVP card to give you a def NO.. And these people are usually the ones that pitch a b*tch about RSVP responses..

        BTW Catherine, our number is now 5.. Cain's buddy that got a DUI, pleaded guilty and luckly he doesn't find out what his jugement will be until after our wedding so him and his GF are now going.

        #4 CourtneyV

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          Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:20 AM

          Ya, I would just call up and tell them that final headcount goes in on x day (Monday or something), and won't be able to get changed after that. If they try to come afterwards just let them know they are invited to the ceremony, but unfortunately they didn't make the RSVP deadline, so they were not included in the dinner.
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          #5 LadyP

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            Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:22 AM

            Good Answer. I Like That.

            #6 RaydensMama

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              Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:26 AM

              Thats horrible that people arent sending back the RSVP cards. Its not like its that difficult! Check yes or no and throw it in the mail box!
              Personally I think if these people cant give you an answer then you should just leave them out. Call and say I have to have the head count in today. Tell them you understand if they cant come so they dont feel bad if they have to say NO now. But if they still say they are not sure then let them know, unfortunatley you dont have the extra funds to pay for them if they may not show up.
              Good luck with it all!

              #7 TATrisha


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              Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:30 AM

              My take is, if they don't send the RSVP, they aren't coming. If they come, that's fine. But they won't have a chair for the ceremony, they won't have a place at the reception, and they won't have a lot of the "extras" like OOT bags. It's that simple. They can come and watch if they'd like. Disrespectful.


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              #8 tvt

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                Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:38 AM

                I would leave them out until you know for sure that they are coming. I deal with this crap on a day to day basis for work, and I always go low for head counts. Usually vendors and hotels can accomodate the extras and you will just be charged for them, but after you guarantee, say 20, and only 15 show up you'll still pay for 20.

                Does that make any sense at all??

                #9 *JillD*

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                  Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:56 AM

                  uggh, I just printed my invitations & response cards yesterday and I'm not looking forward to the rsvp cards coming back. Especially since a lot of people aren't coming, but I feel its necessary to send them an invite anyway, so I know its going to drive me absolutely bonkers when people aren't sending them back!

                  #10 Jessica

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                    Posted 20 April 2007 - 11:59 AM

                    Thanks for the feedback girls. And yes, TVT, that makes sense.

                    Actually, thanks for mentioning that because it occured to me that ok, if they show up, they won't have chairs at the ceremony and extras like the oot and favors and stuff, but because my reception is at a resturant on a public night, it should be easy to add on their dishes at the reception. There just won't be a guaranteed table for them, but I'm sure that would be easy to work out.

                    But I'm still upset about the complete lack of disregard for the RSVP prcess I've experienced from my family and friends. I don't understand it. Grr.

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