Cutting down the bridal party
Posted 22 January 2009 - 04:17 PM
I expected a party of about 65 people to attend my wedding.
As we are getting closer and closer to the date, I only have confidence in maybe 20 people going! Now, there could be more people, but the chances seem very slim.
Everyone has a deadline of March 1 to pay for their stay at the wedding site/resort so we will know who is really going by then. I currently have 8bms (including two juniors) and my fiance also has 8. We think it would be silly to have the majority of the wedding attendees in the wedding party, but we have already asked our bms and GM to be a part of the wedding. Now, we want to cut some back. Maybe just have 2 on each side. Most of the wedding party doesn't really seem like they care one way or the other, and many have expressed how paying to coming to the wedding is burdensome, so this may actually be a relief.
Sooooo, my question is this....
How do we politely tell them that we don't want them to go through the trouble of being bridesmaids and groomsmen?
Posted 22 January 2009 - 04:37 PM
Ok, so that was me. Maybe you don't really care what I say (not in a mean way!), and you want to ask people to step down. Who will you have remaining? Siblings? Just wondering, cuz I think it depends on the people on how to go about it. Like if you have a sis and your FI has a bro, and those are the ones you want to remain in the party, I think it would be easy to say "We aren't having the turnout that we originally thought, so we decided that we needed to cut the bridal party down to jsut family." Or whatever.
But honestly, I don't think you HAVE to, unless you WANT to. Hope that all makes sense and maybe even helps you!
Posted 22 January 2009 - 04:54 PM
One other thing...we are not requiring anyone to purchase a particular dress or whatever. They all were happy with that.
Posted 22 January 2009 - 04:53 PM
Let's see, where was I going with that... lol
Oh yeah! Haha... so anyways, if they haven't booked yet or don't seem eager - I'd just let them know what you're thinking and give them the opportunity to "step down". You may be surprised by how many will take you up on that. Or you could still keep them as "honorary BMs". Maybe they could all wear BM dresses and walk down the aisle, but then go sit down. That's what I was planning if I had all 4 show up - just have them all walk down, but then 3 of them take their seats, so it would only be the MOH and BM standing up. I'm sure they'd understand. It makes sense to me, anyways!
When it comes down to it - just do what makes you feel comfortable. And be honest with them. Confrontation on these kinds of things SUCKS but in the end it helps to know the truth sooner rather than later - for everyone's sake.
Hope that helped some... Good luck!
~ Jaime & Martin ~
"Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"
We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!
We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!
Posted 22 January 2009 - 05:25 PM
Posted 22 January 2009 - 05:26 PM
I don't know. Most of them don't even mention the wedding and my two MOH's both told me the other day they are not sure if they can make it, which has me discouraged about the whole bridesmaids/gm thing. I am just over all of the hoopla and just want to have a beautiful wedding and celebration with as many of my family/friends as possible. Having official "bridesmaids" and "Groomsmen" isn't really that important to me as it once was because they don't seem too enthusiastic about it anyway.
Posted 22 January 2009 - 06:06 PM
For you, I think they may actually appreciate being asked to enjoy the ceremony instead of being in it. With 20 people, that is an intimate number anyway, so it is not as if they will not have a front row view of your day. I would just kindly explain the TRUTH...that " We'd really love to have you in our wedding, but with so few people attending, it may seem silly to have the 80% of the guests in the wedding party. So are just going to keep it small."
Now who to choose? The one or two on each side that are closest to you, I'd say. Family/ siblings are almost always the safest bet. And just one maid-of-honour, or just use your two MOHs...and no bridemaids.
And if someone really wants to particpate, perhaps they can do something else: like a reading during the ceremony. Others can have an informal role that is over once the ceremony starts, like parasol giver-outter, or fan and program handler. There are also reception roles that they can fill, like emcee, microphone handler, etc.
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Posted 22 January 2009 - 06:56 PM
Turned out that there were only 11 of us altogether.DH had a BM, and I had a flowergirl, but otherwise walked the sandy aisle alone. It was perfect.
Posted 22 January 2009 - 07:12 PM
Posted 23 January 2009 - 03:19 PM
If you truly don't like the asthetic of only have a WP in pictures and only having the singular outfit style; then give people the option of standing down. Maybe ask them to do a reading or have some other special place in the ceremony..
Honestly, be prepared if some people are offended. I am not sure how I would feel if a friend or family member asked me to be in their wedding and then as the date approached; asked me to not be in the wedding. I know how much it bothered me when people have backed out of our BP; so I imagine it would feel the same reversed.
That being said, if they don't book their trip by the deadline .. then I would ask them if they really want to come and/or be in the WP and assure them it's okay if they are no longer sure they can do it.
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