Family Drama and Invitations/Announcements
Posted 20 January 2009 - 03:46 PM
I chose not to do formal announcments for those who weren't invited because I've heard from other brides that guests sometimes get offended and feel like announcements seem like a request for gifts.
My mom, however, wanted everyone to know our plans so she sent out an email with our wedding plans.
This has started major drama. My mom's sister is in an uproar and feels offended that she wasn't invited. I called to tell her I was sorry and that it was nothing personal, but she was really not open to listening. She is also upset that my mother sent an email to announce, which she says she interpreted as a request for gifts (SOOOOOOO not the case!!!).
Now I'm feeling terrible that other family members may be upset about this too. I'm torn between going back to my elopement plans, just ignoring it and letting them be upset, or addressing it by sending a more formal annoucnement with a note about how I would like to be able to have them all there, but can't.
Has anyone had this same issue?
Any advice? I just want this wedding planning to go back to being FUN!!!
Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:05 PM
This past weekend my Aunt informed me that she was not going to miss my wedding and I couldn't stop her from going to the beach. Even after my mom explained to her that we were having a reception when we got home and that we really wanted to keep the ceremony small she still insisted. In fact she was just downright rude about it. And if that wasn't bad enough her younger kids(17,1 kept going on about what a party it was going to be and how they both will be legal etc. Umm I decided to get married away from home so I could avoid the big drunkfest. We were looking forward to spending time with our families and having things be simple. If I can't figure out how to tell them that this isn't what I want for my wedding they are going to be there to ruin it.
Why can't people just respect your wishes? Good luck in smoothing things over with the family!
Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:11 PM
Don't let them change your plans of what you want to do. They have to get over it eventually right? It seems like such a big deal right now, but once it's over, they'll have to drop the issue. If you bend and have a wedding you don't want you might always regret it
Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:15 PM
Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:10 PM
I think you need to send an email saying its immediate family only because you can't afford anything else and that you do not want a gift - that way no misunderstanding.
Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:40 PM
| Originally Posted by Kelly C |
I agree. I would just sent out a type of announcement stating only immediate family are attending and a AHR to follow. So they can be included later.
And if people still chose to take it the wrong way; then they will get over it!
Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:56 PM
Granted, she was stressed at the time, but I know that she did cave to her manipulative family's demands on many points, and wishes she would have stuck to her guns.
I am finding this is even more true with a destination wedding. In the beginning, we had family tell us we were selfish (for wanting them to travel), rude (for excluding extended family, most of which we never see or even talk to!), and ask us if we are going to regret not having a "real" wedding. WTF? We ARE having a real wedding. It is the wedding that WE want. And if it were just my fi and I, I would still be happy.
Some people can't come. Some people aren't invited. But at the end of the day, I think you need to just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is YOUR marriage ceremony and you can do it exactly the way you and your fi want.
I do think the "hurt" feelings will blow over in time. After all, you are having an AHR for those not invited to the ceremony. That is a very nice way to include everyone.
I would also have a word with your mother and ask that she refrain from such behavior in the future. Point out that it not only puts added stress on you and your fi, but also makes the other family members unneccesarily upset.
Posted 21 January 2009 - 11:42 AM
So what I'm going to do is just call the people I think might be feeling hurt and let them know why we're keeping it small, and that it isn't because we don't love them or wish they could be there.
Posted 25 January 2009 - 01:57 AM
I let everyone know do not but us anything. I'm thinking abt not even having a bridal party. I don't want any complaining abt the cost of a dress. I'm over it!
***sorry rant over***
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