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Family Drama and Invitations/Announcements

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#1 InspiredBride

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    Posted 20 January 2009 - 03:46 PM

    I am SO Frustrated!!! Due to our financial constraints (and complicated family situations), we are not inviting extended family to the wedding (only local friends, parents, grandmothers, and siblings). I honestly thought that people may be happy not to feel obligated to fly down to Florida.

    I chose not to do formal announcments for those who weren't invited because I've heard from other brides that guests sometimes get offended and feel like announcements seem like a request for gifts.

    My mom, however, wanted everyone to know our plans so she sent out an email with our wedding plans.

    This has started major drama. My mom's sister is in an uproar and feels offended that she wasn't invited. I called to tell her I was sorry and that it was nothing personal, but she was really not open to listening. She is also upset that my mother sent an email to announce, which she says she interpreted as a request for gifts (SOOOOOOO not the case!!!).

    Now I'm feeling terrible that other family members may be upset about this too. I'm torn between going back to my elopement plans, just ignoring it and letting them be upset, or addressing it by sending a more formal annoucnement with a note about how I would like to be able to have them all there, but can't.

    Has anyone had this same issue?
    Any advice? I just want this wedding planning to go back to being FUN!!!


    #2 punkie569

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      Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:05 PM

      This is the part that really sucks, huh? Sorry your family is being so frustrating. I'm kind of in the same boat with us only wanting parents/siblings invited.

      This past weekend my Aunt informed me that she was not going to miss my wedding and I couldn't stop her from going to the beach. Even after my mom explained to her that we were having a reception when we got home and that we really wanted to keep the ceremony small she still insisted. In fact she was just downright rude about it. And if that wasn't bad enough her younger kids(17,1 kept going on about what a party it was going to be and how they both will be legal etc. Umm I decided to get married away from home so I could avoid the big drunkfest. We were looking forward to spending time with our families and having things be simple. If I can't figure out how to tell them that this isn't what I want for my wedding they are going to be there to ruin it.

      Why can't people just respect your wishes? Good luck in smoothing things over with the family!
      Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love

      #3 *Heather*


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        Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:11 PM

        We have a similar issue - only inviting immediate family, and unfortunately FI's aunts and cousins are REALLY pissed about it. They are blaming me behind my back but whatever, I'm trying to let it not bother me (because the real reason they aren't invited is because FI hates them but it will cause way too many problems if they know that). So I have to let them carry on about how it's my fault that they aren't invited...whatever. We're continuing with our original plans and assuming that this will all blow over in time.

        Don't let them change your plans of what you want to do. They have to get over it eventually right? It seems like such a big deal right now, but once it's over, they'll have to drop the issue. If you bend and have a wedding you don't want you might always regret it

        #4 Chiquita

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          Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:15 PM

          I would probably send out something a bit more formal to explain what you are doing.. it's always better coming from the bride and groom directly instead of an email from a family member

          #5 Kelly C

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            Posted 20 January 2009 - 04:24 PM

            I agree. I would just sent out a type of announcement stating only immediate family are attending and a AHR to follow. So they can be included later.
            Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


            #6 Hartyt509

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              Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:10 PM

              I really thought this would happen to us but luckily FI spoke to his lot and told them they weren't invited and warned his mother if she paid for them to come she needn't contact us again lol Mind you he did ask her to only come for a week as it was our honeymoon but she said no she will be there for the full 2 weeks!! That is going to be interesting I may be divorced before I get back!!

              I think you need to send an email saying its immediate family only because you can't afford anything else and that you do not want a gift - that way no misunderstanding.

              #7 sunsetbride1

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                Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:40 PM

                Originally Posted by Kelly C
                I agree. I would just sent out a type of announcement stating only immediate family are attending and a AHR to follow. So they can be included later.
                I absolutely agree! That's a very good idea Kelly.
                And if people still chose to take it the wrong way; then they will get over it!

                #8 PaddleAddict

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                  Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:56 PM

                  When my friend was getting married about five years ago, she pulled me aside at one point and said, "Just so you're prepared when you get married some day, you think that this will be you and your fi's wedding, but it's not. It's you mom, his mom, you dad, his aunt, your cousins... everyone will have an opinion and a comment, and in the end it feels like it's not anything you wanted."

                  Granted, she was stressed at the time, but I know that she did cave to her manipulative family's demands on many points, and wishes she would have stuck to her guns.

                  I am finding this is even more true with a destination wedding. In the beginning, we had family tell us we were selfish (for wanting them to travel), rude (for excluding extended family, most of which we never see or even talk to!), and ask us if we are going to regret not having a "real" wedding. WTF? We ARE having a real wedding. It is the wedding that WE want. And if it were just my fi and I, I would still be happy.

                  Some people can't come. Some people aren't invited. But at the end of the day, I think you need to just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is YOUR marriage ceremony and you can do it exactly the way you and your fi want.

                  I do think the "hurt" feelings will blow over in time. After all, you are having an AHR for those not invited to the ceremony. That is a very nice way to include everyone.

                  I would also have a word with your mother and ask that she refrain from such behavior in the future. Point out that it not only puts added stress on you and your fi, but also makes the other family members unneccesarily upset.

                  #9 InspiredBride

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                    Posted 21 January 2009 - 11:42 AM

                    Thanks everyone for the advice, and for sharing your similar issues...that really helps! I ended up talking to my mother about it, and she seems to think that it might cause more issues if we sent out announcments. There is actually not going to be an AHR, because all of my family members who are not invited are from out of state, so she feels like an announcement would just be "rubbing it in" for those who are not included. She also agreed not to send any more emails about my wedding.
                    So what I'm going to do is just call the people I think might be feeling hurt and let them know why we're keeping it small, and that it isn't because we don't love them or wish they could be there.

                    #10 wayneswifey

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                      Posted 25 January 2009 - 01:57 AM

                      Why is your aunt angry. If she does not want to buy a gift she does not have to. I'm quite sure you will not die w/o a gift from your aunt.
                      I let everyone know do not but us anything. I'm thinking abt not even having a bridal party. I don't want any complaining abt the cost of a dress. I'm over it!
                      ***sorry rant over***

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