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Problems with not including my father's new wife (LONG)

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#21 ErinB


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    Posted 18 January 2009 - 06:33 PM

    One big thing to consider...

    If she really is mean and vindictive, she could tell everyone about your "secret/private" ceremony and stir up a bunch of trouble that no one needs.

    Be the bigger person and have her there. Do the whole kill her with kindness thing. When you are nice and sweet and she acts like a b-word, then everyone else will see that and she will look bad, not you. Don't give her the chance or satisfaction of spinning this in her favor.

    #22 Debs

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      Posted 19 January 2009 - 05:14 PM

      I'm so glad we were able to help you work through it. Sometimes looking at it from a neutral side helps. That's why we're here!!

      #23 sunsetbride1

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        Posted 19 January 2009 - 05:41 PM

        Happy to help.. that's what we are all here for!!
        Good luck!

        #24 RoryS

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          Posted 23 January 2009 - 04:19 PM

          If your father is asking you and your sister to go along with things to keep the peace - just think - maybe she gives him flack about alot of other things and he has found it easier to just go along rather than argue with her. By not including her, you're probably going to make things go even tougher on your Dad. Is there a special ceremony you can do in the church ceremony that would include just your parents and FI's Dad to show them how special they are to you both.

          #25 mich999

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            Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:25 PM

            I just want to say you are not wrong about not wanting her there, you have your reasons and no one else should judge. Everyone's family and situation is different and that while people can offer all the logical reasons for why it's better and easier to include your father's wife, logic often doesn't halp when dealing with family issues because even though it may be the "right" answer, it may still not be the answer that works for you or others. I would say you've handled everything admirably and suggest you to share your concerns with your mom and/or siblings if you haven't already so they can help you feel better that even if you do decide to include her, this will not affect your day at all. If you don't want to include her, you're probably going to have to talk to her directly to try and explain your side and ask her to help you with this (i.e. don't give your dad a hard time about it), but based on what you've already said about her, I don't picture that going too well. Good luck!!

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