Problems with not including my father's new wife (LONG)
Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:14 AM
We aren't going to tell anyone about it except our immediate family - because we still want the beach ceremony and everything else as we had planned.
So, for our "secret" church ceremony, we were only going to have immediate family - which is my father and mother (who are divorced), 3 sibs, and FIs father (his mother passed away years ago) and his 2 sibs. We really wanted to keep it as small as possible and were considering just having our parents but decided to include our siblings as well.
So - my issue - is my father remarried 2 years ago and neither myself or my FI really like his new wife. She has done several things that have really bothered me over the last 2 years and did nothing to include us my sister or I in their wedding. I really don't want her to be there for several reasons - including the fact that I don't like her, don't really know her all that well, and with my FIs mother not being there, having my mom and her sort of seems even more inappropriate.
I told my dad this and he is really upset - he said it isn't right if his wife isn't there with him. I told him this is for only our immediate family and my MOH (my BF) isn't going to be there and noone else is going to be there - so I don't feel comfortable having her there..
Sorry this got so long - but I could use some feedback if I am being unreasonable or ways to explain to my dad that I'm not comfortable with having her there...
Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:45 AM
Posted 17 January 2009 - 09:17 AM
Sometimes I myself wish that my Stepmom would just step aside from this whole thing. I don't know what it is about them feeling "entitled" to be at family events. Grant it she has married my Dad BUT he WAS married 23years ago & has 2 children-all of which she knew before getting involved with him.
I am nooooo help!
My advice to you is stay strong and do what is right for you and your family.
Posted 17 January 2009 - 11:00 AM
Posted 17 January 2009 - 11:14 AM
Your father's wife is now family. Would you exclude a sibling's spouse if you didn't like him/her? True, this is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. You have an opportunity to take the high road, be gracious and mature.
Without going into the whole story, just be aware that you are causing a tremendous amount of hurt to your father's wife, and more importantly, to your father. A parent seeing his or her child marry is a very special moment. I hope you won't smear the memory of your wedding day as the time when you caused him a great deal of hurt. I don't know if my fiance will ever get over his daughter's mean-spirited spite. If he does, it might take a very long time.
Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:00 PM
Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:00 PM
Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:14 PM
It is your decision and whatever you decide you have to live with it. If it's going to make you miserable then don't invite her YOU have to be happy with what you are doing. It's not as if you aren't inviting her period its just to the church wedding which is a small part of the whole day.
Upshot do what you and your FI want and deal with any fall out, but don't do something just to make someone else happy at your and FI's expense
Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:42 PM
Posted 17 January 2009 - 01:26 PM
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