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Parent/financial problem...

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#1 ameliamae

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    Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:30 PM

    So, my parents are trying to talk me into getting married either where i live (iowa) or where they live (texas) because it would be cheaper for them. They dont want to fly to sandals st lucia, because A.) my mom isn't fond of flights and B.) its expensive.

    I understand they don't have a lot (i'm the oldest of 10 kids and the only one out of the house, or out of hs for that matter!) But there is a lot of family that would be willing to watch the kids, and my fiance and I have said we could even pay for half their expenses, but we couldn't afford more than that.

    We just wanted something small, easy, simple, with just our parents and whoever else wants to come(no one else is obligated to come). i feel like they aren't really even trying to think of a way they could come .

    I"m the bride, but my parents aren't paying a cent towards the wedding (which is okay, i understand they really can't) but i don't know what to do.

    They've basically given us an ultimatum, either we have a stateside wedding or they dont come. I am really close to my dad, and I couldn't live with myself if my daddy didn't walk his oldest down the aisle!!!

    My fiance is dead set on having our wedding at St. Lucia, and he is so stubborn there is no other option. My parents said we could have a stateside wedding, and then get married in the carribean, but i want one wedding on the beach lol.

    What should i do? Any easy solutions i'm just not seeing?! lol
    The future Mrs. Sellars!!

    #2 trance_angelx0x

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      Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:35 PM

      I think utilmately you have to think about what's more important to you. Having your parents there or getting married on the beach. Perhaps if you sit down with them and explain how much you can financially contribute to get them there and research if a payment plan is available for the trip you are chosing. Get all the facts for them and hope that they try to make this work.

      #3 becks



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      Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:51 PM

      Personally, I'd be really surprised if this is really an ultimatum.

      If what you want is St. Lucia, have a heart-to-heart with them. Tell them this is really, really, really what you (not FI) want and that you can't imagine anything else. Also tell them how important it is to you that they be there.

      I get that money is an issue, but how much less expensive could it be to fly to Iowa and stay there, vs. paying for 1/2 the expense of going to St. Lucia? I wonder if they are seeing how adamant your FI is about the DW and wondering if it's what you really want, too. By saying US or not at all, they could be trying to give you a way out if they think you don't really want a DW.

      Now, if they still say US or not at all after you've explained it all to them, then you have to make some tough decisions. Or you could give them an ultimatum - "maybe we'll just do a private courthouse thing (without you) and not bother with a wedding at all".

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      #4 mich999

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        Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:52 PM

        I agree with Trance - you have to decide what's more important to you and if they are equally important to you (having parents there/getting married on beach), you might want to reconsider your budget and how you can pay the entire difference for your parents of attending a stateside wedding and what it would cost to go to St. Lucia. I know I don't have all the facts, but given that your parents still have 9 kids at home, it's hard to blame them for the tight reins on their finances - imagine if they had to eventually pay to attend a destination wedding for each of their kids!

        #5 yamille

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          Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:40 PM

          Tough one. I think you should have a heart to heart with them and really tell them what you want. It's important to remember this is your wedding not theirs even though I sort of see both sides of the coin.

          Would you consider having a civil ceremony with you parents there and then the DW with whomever else is important in your life?

          #6 zethers

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            Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:50 PM

            Well maybe my situation can help you out...I want to get married by the Catholic Church but I also want a wedding overlooking the beach. So...I've decided to get married by the Catholic Church the day before we leave, only parents and siblings though. Then when we exchange our own vows overlooking the beach it will be in front of our guests with the background I dreamed.

            Perhaps you can do something a little similiar, a small private ceremony, just your family and have your Dad walk you down the aisle, so that you can have that memory, but still plan your DW the way you dreamed. If you do that then you wouldn't have to worry about all the paperwork that needs to be taken care of overseas.

            You're in a tough situation, and I can see both point of views. Do what's in your heart.

            Good Luck!! Let us know how it turns out.

            #7 Virg

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              Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:51 PM

              WOW 10 KIDS!!!! :-O
              my brain froze there for a second.

              what about an at home reception? or pre-wedding blessing
              Happily Ever After: June 1, 2006
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              #8 Betsy


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                Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:54 PM

                It sounds like a tough decision you have to make here - But I would be very surprised if you sat down and talked through everything w/ your parents - and tell them how much it means to have your dad walk you down the aisle - they might change their minds. I think the first thing parents think when we tell them we want a destination wedding is how much it is going to cost, when in reality it can be a much easier and more beautiful way to get married without a huge cost. I think somehow, maybe write them a meaningful letter and focus on how important it is for them to be there - something that will help them realize how important this is to them. Good Luck - I hope it all works out!

                #9 Prettyhazardous

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                  Posted 16 January 2009 - 07:30 PM

                  I would ask is your heart really set on a beach wedding or a beach wedding in St Lucia. Because maybe you could change it to an island a little less expensive. Also are you expecting your parents to stay for an extended amt of time bc if so maybe they could stay for only one or two nights. Maybe they could stay at a hotel that's cheaper
                  I think there are many options out there you guys just need to sit down and discuss this rationally. Or like someone stated earlier you have to figure out ultimately what's more important to you, having dad walk you down the aisle or getting married on a beach (in St Lucia).

                  #10 nibsmom

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                    Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:46 PM

                    This is tough. At the risk of sounding crass - did I just really use that word? Did I even use it appropriately? Whatevs.

                    I would say 'fine.' Honestly, I went through this with my mother. This is the third wedding I've planned - the first two were shot down by angry parents. I'm from MA, FI is from IL. Everyone wanted it in their backyard. Finally, we decided on DW, and I just want to get married. As long as he's there and I'm there, it's all I need. At first I felt really guilty - for example - this will be the only wedding of a grandchild my nana will most likely be around for. She's too delicate to make it to Cancun.

                    But you know what? I cared more about that than she did. When I finally talked to her about it - she was like - do whatever you want! Maybe it's the same way with your dad - but I bet they will turn around, like others are saying above me. My mom finally did. It took her about three weeks, but she finally called me and said that she would find the money to come, because she felt she should be there for it.

                    I would just sit down and talk with your parents about what they are expecting out of the wedding. Maybe you are realizing what they really want out of it, like I did with my Nana. Good luck!!!

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