Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:30 PM
I understand they don't have a lot (i'm the oldest of 10 kids and the only one out of the house, or out of hs for that matter!) But there is a lot of family that would be willing to watch the kids, and my fiance and I have said we could even pay for half their expenses, but we couldn't afford more than that.
We just wanted something small, easy, simple, with just our parents and whoever else wants to come(no one else is obligated to come). i feel like they aren't really even trying to think of a way they could come .
I"m the bride, but my parents aren't paying a cent towards the wedding (which is okay, i understand they really can't) but i don't know what to do.
They've basically given us an ultimatum, either we have a stateside wedding or they dont come. I am really close to my dad, and I couldn't live with myself if my daddy didn't walk his oldest down the aisle!!!
My fiance is dead set on having our wedding at St. Lucia, and he is so stubborn there is no other option. My parents said we could have a stateside wedding, and then get married in the carribean, but i want one wedding on the beach lol.
What should i do? Any easy solutions i'm just not seeing?! lol
Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:35 PM
Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:51 PM
If what you want is St. Lucia, have a heart-to-heart with them. Tell them this is really, really, really what you (not FI) want and that you can't imagine anything else. Also tell them how important it is to you that they be there.
I get that money is an issue, but how much less expensive could it be to fly to Iowa and stay there, vs. paying for 1/2 the expense of going to St. Lucia? I wonder if they are seeing how adamant your FI is about the DW and wondering if it's what you really want, too. By saying US or not at all, they could be trying to give you a way out if they think you don't really want a DW.
Now, if they still say US or not at all after you've explained it all to them, then you have to make some tough decisions. Or you could give them an ultimatum - "maybe we'll just do a private courthouse thing (without you) and not bother with a wedding at all".
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Posted 16 January 2009 - 02:52 PM
Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:40 PM
Would you consider having a civil ceremony with you parents there and then the DW with whomever else is important in your life?
Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:50 PM
Perhaps you can do something a little similiar, a small private ceremony, just your family and have your Dad walk you down the aisle, so that you can have that memory, but still plan your DW the way you dreamed. If you do that then you wouldn't have to worry about all the paperwork that needs to be taken care of overseas.
You're in a tough situation, and I can see both point of views. Do what's in your heart.
Good Luck!! Let us know how it turns out.
Posted 16 January 2009 - 03:54 PM
Posted 16 January 2009 - 07:30 PM
I think there are many options out there you guys just need to sit down and discuss this rationally. Or like someone stated earlier you have to figure out ultimately what's more important to you, having dad walk you down the aisle or getting married on a beach (in St Lucia).
Posted 20 January 2009 - 05:46 PM
I would say 'fine.' Honestly, I went through this with my mother. This is the third wedding I've planned - the first two were shot down by angry parents. I'm from MA, FI is from IL. Everyone wanted it in their backyard. Finally, we decided on DW, and I just want to get married. As long as he's there and I'm there, it's all I need. At first I felt really guilty - for example - this will be the only wedding of a grandchild my nana will most likely be around for. She's too delicate to make it to Cancun.
But you know what? I cared more about that than she did. When I finally talked to her about it - she was like - do whatever you want! Maybe it's the same way with your dad - but I bet they will turn around, like others are saying above me. My mom finally did. It took her about three weeks, but she finally called me and said that she would find the money to come, because she felt she should be there for it.
I would just sit down and talk with your parents about what they are expecting out of the wedding. Maybe you are realizing what they really want out of it, like I did with my Nana. Good luck!!!
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