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3 weeks and she dropped out

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#1 ohiobride15

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    Posted 13 January 2009 - 02:29 AM

    Uhhh...We are flying out in exactly 3 weeks. My one bridesmaid texted (not called) me and told me that she might be losing her job this week and her husband is freaking out and saying they cant go. They are the only people who didnt book anything. Im sure from the beginning they were probably never going to go. But never once did they say anything.

    They kept putting off buying flights and booking thier rooms. They had different excuses everytime that I asked them about it. Now I have to order new programs for the ceremony because she offered to do a reading for me. We have also spent a lot of money on them. I bought her a $100 neckalace. Not to mention all the stuff we bought for them for the oot bags. We put coolers, towels and tons of little stuff in the bags.

    Sorry to vent to all of you but Im sure someone on here has been through the same thing. Im just really upset. If it was a problem from the beginning she should have said something. My fiance kept telling me that they werent going to go. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    #2 rach220

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      Posted 13 January 2009 - 02:41 AM

      OMG! This is awful...and so close to your date
      I have 4 very close friends, and had always said they would all be bridesmaids. One of them told me last year she would not be able to come, so I didn't even bother asking her. I am sure she is upset now bc we had always told each other that we woudl be each others BMs, but I can't stand her drama anymore. She blew off my birthday last year, I am sure she would blow off the wedding anyway. As for the other three, only one has committed (my MOH). One lives in England and I knew from the beginning she may not be able to go...she just moved there recently and hasn't found a job yet. My third friend said she would go, but is single and doesn't want to go alone. She was going to room with another friend of ours, who can no longer go, so now she is saying she's not sure! I understand that it's more expensive to go by yourself, but I've offered her to split the cost of the room with another of my friends or family members who are going as singles, and she thought it would be too weird. I'm nervous that she is going to back out...
      Now that I've read this I think I'm going to give my BMs a deadline to book. I know it sounds shitty but I don't want to run into problems with programs and that kind of thing...
      I'm the same way about giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I think I will have to make an exception for my wedding...I don't want anything to ruin it. One of the reasons we are getting married in Mexico is to RELIEVE stress...it's things like this that show you who your true friends are!
      Your wedding is going to be perfect no matter what...I can't wait till you get back and I can hear all about it!

      Married July 16, 2009
      Aventura Cove Palace Resort
      Riviera Maya, Mexico

      photo by Misti Douglas

      #3 starchild



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        Posted 13 January 2009 - 02:48 AM

        I went through something similar and all I can suggest is to roll with the punches as your date approaches. It's frustrating and not fair, but it is what it is. I didn't even re-do the programs and it really didn't matter. I didn't miss the missing BM on my wedding day...at all. It's okay to be upset right now but you will see in the end that it won't matter and your wedding day will be amazing with or without her. Hang in there!

        #4 Susanandmo

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          Posted 13 January 2009 - 05:34 AM

          Sorry to hear that you "friend" let you down. It's amazing how much we are all learning about ourselfs and those around us from planning our weddings. It's very upsetting and I completely understand; however, at the end all that really matters is that you and your man are going to be married soon and you two will be surrounded with lots of love, joy and best wishes.

          BTW - She informed you via text!!! WTF!!! Tacky...

          Best of luck!

          #5 MarieSam

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            Posted 13 January 2009 - 06:10 AM

            Wow definitely not the kind of news you like to get dropped on you 3 weeks out. I'm sorry girl it seems like destination weddings always come with some sort of "guest, family or friend" drama. I know it will hurt not having your friend there to share in your day, but keep in mind that the show must go on, and you and FI will have a fabulously beautiful day regardless of who's in attendance

            I'm sorta in the same boat with FI's best friend who is his best man, his wife is one of my BM, their son a junior GM, and their daughter is my flowergirl. Yep, they're all in the wedding. FI has expressed he is highly suspect of them coming to the wedding despite them saying they will be there for the past 2 years. Basically, they're really tight with money or how his BF likes to say "we're broke". So I'm just waiting for the and them to drop the "we can't make it" news. *sigh* But again, we've all just gotta forge ahead and remember the importance of the day because no matter what happens our weddings will be amazing and special no matter what!!

            #6 Ana


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            • Wedding Location:Dreams Cabo
            • LocationToronto

            Posted 13 January 2009 - 10:36 AM

            I'm sorry that's super crappy. The same thing happened to me with 2 of my BM's. When they hadn't booked by a certain date though, I gave them a deadline to decide if they were coming or not...so 1 dropped out. The other is kind of still leading me on, but I'm definitely not counting on her being there as she just lost her job 2 weeks ago The economy is taking a toll on alot of people's lives, so I agree that you just have to take it all in stride and not let it stress you out too much. Your wedding will be amazing even if there are a few BMs missing :)

            #7 neen

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              Posted 13 January 2009 - 10:41 AM

              that sucks..and def tacky to inform you via text, but she was probably afraid to call...

              i wouldn't bother re-doing your programs, but do what you feel is best. You could always print tiny labels with the correct readers name and just paste them on (though that would be time consuming, as well).

              chin up - you're still going to have a fabulous day!!!

              #8 Jen_S

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                Posted 13 January 2009 - 11:10 AM

                OMG that is horrible I am sorry to hear she did that to you so close to your wedding and by text. Having a DW can lead to some disapointment just keep in mind you are marring the man of your dreams!
                Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

                #9 ohiobride15

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                  Posted 13 January 2009 - 01:08 PM

                  Thank you all for your support. Last night was hard but im feeling alittle better today. Its about me and my fiance and I know that. This just added a lot of unneeded stress. Im sure everything will be perfect. My family feels so bad for me and they are trying to do what they can to help me get things figured out. Thank you all

                  #10 sstotz

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                    Posted 13 January 2009 - 01:17 PM

                    i know this is horrible,.. but i have a feeling the same thing is going to happen to me,.. regardless of me already telling them that we FULLY understand if they are unable to make it due to money or anything else for that matter. there are just some friends that hate putting anyone out, and would rather wait until some major event happens to say that they can't make it rather than telling us how it is upfront.
                    i expect that from someone that has not been married before because they have absolutely zero concept of how stressful all the planning is, etc.. so hopefully it isn't one of my BM that is already married! but like everyone else said,..brush it off girl, and try not to stress. things always work out, and the main point is, YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED!! :0) i don't think its necessary for you to waste any more money on program changes either...guests understand that stuff happens..
                    ~Soon to be Shanny May
                    June 20th, 2009
                    Cabo San Lucas, MX


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