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SoonToBeE

Important Family Members Not Invited

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I feel so bad for those of you who have "no" mom to be there for you. I can't go a day without talking to my mom, so I couldn't imagine going years! I hope that you have a good relationship with your FMIL, maybe she can be there when your mom can't. I've been very blessed with two mom's, my real mom and my step-mom, and I can't imagine not talking to either one of them daily.

 

With that being said, I may have to not invite my step-mom. She's been my 'mom' for the last 23 years and she recently left my dad. I want her to be there so bad, but I don't want to make it hard for my dad. He's had a hard time dealing with it since it happened. He thinks she's coming back, and for his sake I hope she does.

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We arent inviting FI's dad - honestly not even sure if he knows I exist. FI hasnt spoken to him in over 10 years - it wasnt even a question to invite him.

 

Like others have said - seems like everyone is making the right decision to not invite "important" people - just because they have a title like mom or dad does not mean they are. Its your wedding and only the people who bring joy to your life and truly love u and want to be there should :)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by katrina View Post
we got married without inviting my father. i see nothing wrong with it, as long as you are willing to buck up and deal with any possible backlash.
Just revisited this thread.... 'buck up'?? Wow. That's a bit harsh. I'm not sure that is really the most helpful response. I think it's pretty insensitive.

Anyways - thanks to everyone who has been supportive about this (to me and to all others who have posted their stories). It's hard not to invite family to a hugely important family event. I hope everyone is happy with their final decision to invite/ not-invite. You have to live with the decision forver, so make sure you like it.

I have a few weeks leading up to the wedding and I am soooo happy that I made the decision and never wavered. I know it is the best decision for our day and that our trip will be so much better because of it.

Finally got confronted by my mom about the non-invite 2 weeks ago and it just reaffirmed my decision. Sending positive thoughts to everyone else in this position : )

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Originally Posted by SoonToBeE View Post
Just revisited this thread.... 'buck up'?? Wow. That's a bit harsh. I'm not sure that is really the most helpful response. I think it's pretty insensitive.
if you thought that was insensitive, then you took it the wrong way. i dealt with everything you are, and there comes a point where you need to keep your chin up and decide that you'll deal with any flack which comes your way because of your decision. and that's what i said.

glad it worked out.

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I completely understand where you are coming from.  No one in my fiance's family is coming to the wedding, they do not know about the wedding, or even know that we are still engaged.  Sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life, and that's what happened with us.  A lot of people do ask why they aren't coming, and the answer we give is just that they don't support us so there's no reason for them to come.  Several people have said, well you will never be able to make things right with them in the future if you don't even invite them.  Honestly, before we started planning the wedding I told my fiance I could never have anything to do with his family and any children we had together would not be allowed any contact with them until they were 18 and could decide for themselves, and he completely agreed with me.  I didn't say he couldn't talk to them, just that they couldn't be active in our lives or know anything about me or our children.  I feel like unless something has happened to you where you can't have people like this in your life anymore you can't understand.... so sick of the, well they're family! comments... thanks for this thread and for letting me vent!  Twelve days and counting! 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Beau264 View Post

 

I completely understand where you are coming from.  No one in my fiance's family is coming to the wedding, they do not know about the wedding, or even know that we are still engaged.  Sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life, and that's what happened with us.  A lot of people do ask why they aren't coming, and the answer we give is just that they don't support us so there's no reason for them to come.  Several people have said, well you will never be able to make things right with them in the future if you don't even invite them.  Honestly, before we started planning the wedding I told my fiance I could never have anything to do with his family and any children we had together would not be allowed any contact with them until they were 18 and could decide for themselves, and he completely agreed with me.  I didn't say he couldn't talk to them, just that they couldn't be active in our lives or know anything about me or our children.  I feel like unless something has happened to you where you can't have people like this in your life anymore you can't understand.... so sick of the, well they're family! comments... thanks for this thread and for letting me vent!  Twelve days and counting! 

 

My father and his entire side of the family will not be invited or welcome.

 

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Great Thread... glad to know that i am not the only one not inviting parents/ family... my parents are divorced and both of them RAGE when the others name is brought up... dad wouldnt come cause he would have to spend money on something that wasnt his idea and isnt all about him, when planning my wedding before i decided on a dw he said "dont expect me to walk you up the isle, i prob have to work that day".. and mom wont come cause shes just like that. i also didnt invite any of aunts uncles or cousins. my dads side doesnt have alot and i wouldnt ask them to shell out that kind of money and my mom side is full of addicts and non nice people who i havent spoken with in years. but my only sibling (sister..5 years younger) is coming !! not only is she my sister.. but she is my best friend, and MOH, the only person besides my FI that i can depend on and who will tell me the truth (even if it hurts) LOL.. sometimes having less family at your wedding means less stress and a better time for you ( even thou it makes you sad when u think about it)... in the long run its probably for the best !

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We are not inviting one of fiance's brothers because he is an addict and alcoholic. An all-inclusive resort if probably not the best place for him to be. Not to mention how his habits have completely destroyed the relationships between him and all the family members because of his lies and manipulation and we don't want that awkwardness the whole week. Oh, and his episodes that land him in the hospital tend to happen around major events (birthdays, funerals, weddings, etc) so we know he'll try and ruin our wedding in some way, just like he did for fiance's other brother's DW. We are making an effort to NOT tell the addict brother anything about the wedding, date, etc. 

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