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Another Bridesmaid Down.. =( (sorry kinda long)

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4 replies to this topic

#1 sunsetbride1

  • Sr. Member
  • 1,083 posts

    Posted 09 January 2009 - 05:48 PM

    I know that everyone on here has had their own bridesmaid drama's; but I really need to get this out!!!

    So, first of all .. my sister drops out from being my MOH because and I quote "I am having a destintion wedding just to exclude her and to show people that she has no money and I do." Seriously, she constantly thinks its all about her; but that is how she has always been .. so I have moved on and now one of my best friends is the best MOH ever. So, I am over it and happy with the way it worked out.

    Now, the other day.. I finally bought my dress and the BP picked out their dresses. One of my BM's didn't come (and she hasn't really been available to come to a lot of things, but I never minded bc she was busy and she told the other BM's to pick out the dress for her) - so I emailed her the dress, the price and when I need the $$ by to order it.

    I get this email back about how she feels like an outsider in the BP (which makes no sense because she has been included in everything); how she has no $$ right now and finally that she is not sure if she wants to be in the wedding. Then she gets a bit nasty and complains how we had plans to get together at the end of November but I cancelled and we haven't rescheduled. Now, she knows I was in the hospital for a serious illness and have been recovering ever since - so why would she hold that against me?

    So, I email her back and tell her that she is very important to me; is there anything that has happened that has made her feel left out and that I will pay for her dress until she has the $$ to pay me back. And.. I also told her that I am available on almost any Sunday she wants to hang out - just let me know. I can't do much yet; but would love to see her.

    2 days.. 3 days... go by.. and no response. I call her and she doesn't call me back. Finally, I resort back to email. I just forward my email back to her and say "Are we okay?". I get a quick response from her saying that she is 'busy' (mind you not too busy to be posting all over facebook) and that she is not sure what she is going to do. She doesn't want to be "that girl" or the "bad friend" that backs out of the wedding party. She and her hubby will def be at the wedding but she is not sure about the BP thing (well, I knew that bc she already paid her deposit).

    I email her back and tell her to call me so we can talk about it. And.. I hear nothing again..

    So, I email her again and just very nicely say.. "We will always be friends and I just want you there to share this with me. That being said, I need your decision so I can continue with my planning. Yes, I will be disappointed if you are not in my BP; but I just want you there."

    So.. now 2 more days and no response. I talked to my MOH to ask her if she can think of anythign that might have happened to make her feel excluded and she can't think of anything. But MOH tells me that she emailed this same girl about some other stuff (I am guessing for my shower) and she wrote her back immediately saying that she would call her tonight.

    So.. I am trying to be nice and undestanding; but seriously this is ridiculous. I want to call her and tell her off. I wouldn't be as mad if she was just honest with me and called me to tell me that she is too busy or whatever and needs to back out. But, this is bull.

    Thanks for letting me vent!

    #2 YoursTruly

    • Sr. Member
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      Posted 09 January 2009 - 06:10 PM

      It is obvious to me that she wants to invoke that reaction in hopes that you explode and she can have a reason to continue to act funny or opt out of the wedding party. If it does not throw off your numbers, I would cutt her azz out and keep it moving. I had a girlfriend of 16 years I might add that did the same thing. I TOTALLY was disappointed but cut her out completely and I am fine with it. If folks are your friend, they will NOT disrespect you or treat you like shyt!

      #3 Jess

      • Sr. Member
      • 4,455 posts

        Posted 09 January 2009 - 07:46 PM

        yeah it seems to me like she is trying to make you get really irritated and just go crazy on her so she can have an excuse not to be in your BP. Ugh that is really frustrating - I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

        #4 SoonToBeE

        • Jr. Member
        • 198 posts

          Posted 11 January 2009 - 11:49 AM

          You're right - that is total BS. But I like that you are taking the high road and telling her how much she means to you. It sounds like she doesn't feel appreciated and by telling her that she is important to you.

          Hopefully you guys get to talk and you can find out what the root cause is. If she does mean alot to you and you do want to keep her as a close friend you both need to be respectful and sensitive with such a delicate situation.

          She is being inconsiderate and careless without a doubt, but hopefully you can talk through it. It's not worth losing a friend over because she doesn't want to be in the wedding party.

          You could also see if she wants to be involved in the wedding in another way? Instead of having her as an attendant you could have her play a special part in the day (if you think she would still want that)

          Also...if she is still coming you don't want to make it too awkward....she may forfeit her deposit if things get too bad, which would suck for both of you. Good luck with this...it's an emotionally charged situation that will need some careful maneuvering :)

          #5 tylersgirl

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,681 posts

            Posted 11 January 2009 - 12:00 PM

            I am so sorry this is happening to you! You don't deserve it. It sounds like she doesn't want to be a part of it. I know this may sound harsh, but I would just ignore her. It sounds like she just wants attention and you should be the one getting all the attention right now. If she is acting this way now, just think how she will act when she becomes part of the BP. I would just email her and tell her that when she wants to talk to contact you and that you are not mad at her (even though you might be). That way it leaves the ball in her court and she can't say that you never tried to reach out to her, blah, blah, blah....Good luck girl and if she doesn't become part of the BP-oh well sounds like the rest of the BP is on the ball!

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