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What do you think about guests bringing random guests?


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#21 Kristy621

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    Posted 08 January 2009 - 12:41 PM

    So as I am reading through these I had the same kind of thing pop up. One of my FI friends invited a couple that they are friends with to come on "vacation". The wife of the uninvited couple brought it to my at another wedding we were at... She was really cool about it and said that she wouldn't come to the wedding and all that...

    But that makes me really uncomfortable. I have a lot of events planned for my guests and how can I justify not letting them participate. Not to mention wouldn't my FI friend and his wife feel bad for them (since they after all invited them) and maybe split their time between us and them? Causing me and my FI more guilt... and knowing myself forcing me to fold. It is a horrible situation to be in, because there are people that I am not inviting that have more right to be there.

    My feeling on the matter is if friends want to take a group vacation they are more than welcome to do so... We would be happy to go, but our wedding weekend it not the time to do it. Sorry for venting this is just been bothering me.
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    #22 Stina168

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      Posted 09 January 2009 - 06:48 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by BeautifulBridetoBe
      This can get even more interesting of a scenario...

      What if they are paying for themselves? Can guests bring whomever they want to your wedding if they are footing the bill? Does the bride/ groom have any say if people want to bring others who are paying for themselves and their vacations?

      I recently had this discussion with a gf of mine too who wants to bring someone I am not comfortable with to my wedding. She has been in an off and on, tumultuous relationship for years with this person. I once exchanged words with him about his poor treatment of her and it became a heated discussion.

      They broke up 2 years ago, but now he is back and she is trying to make it work again...even though he hasn't shown any change. She wants to bring him to my wedding...for one whole week. In the same breath, she tells me he has already made disparaging comments about my wedding.

      I lovingly said no.

      Another gf told me that I cannot dictate who people bring on vacation...I do not own the resort and if people are paying for themselves, we cannot dictate the guest list.

      I disagree. A bride has every right to be comfortable on her wedding day and for the week of her wedding, in the case of a destination wedding. Guests have gathered to see us married...not only for the purpose of a random vacation.

      Therefore, I feel that we must do what will make us most happy and comfortable...gently, so that we do not damage our relationships.
      I totally agree with you. I would have said no too. It's not just a vacation, it's your wedding, so I think you have every right to say that you don't want a certain person there.

      #23 ~St.T Bride~

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        Posted 10 January 2009 - 11:44 AM

        I think that these people are spending more than they would on an average wedding to be there for YOU, and if they do not want to travel alone you should just deal with it. Quite often rates are based on double occupancy so singles end up paying more in the end. So you decide, what do you feel more strongly about, not having an univited guest there, or having that guest you invited come? Travelling alone was one reason I just didn't go to a girlfriends wedding. I didn't know any of her other guests.

        #24 michellepicksbrent

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          Posted 10 January 2009 - 11:53 AM

          You cannot dictate who your guests travel with, but you can dictate who can be at your wedding reception. If you are worried about numbers, I would tell your co-worker that her random girlfriend can attend the ceremony but that the reception will be for close friends and family only. Hopefully she will understand.

          #25 BeautifulBridetoBe

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            Posted 10 January 2009 - 02:09 PM

            Very true. I have two guests bringing random dates and this is fine with me. I agree that they are giving time and money to this wedding..they should travel with whom they please.

            My original post referred to someone with whom I have a negative history...hmmm, perhaps that is another thread....
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            #26 cantwait2718

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              Posted 10 January 2009 - 04:35 PM

              I agree with the girls who r saying that if your guests want to travel with someone it's their perogative to do that. If u invited them and guest it really changes nothing at the wedding. If u were having your wedding here and they were inviting a guest u wouldn't have any say in who they bring. I understand that at a destination wedding the amt of people is less than an atw but they are paying to go to your wedding. Now with the people who r saying that friends have invited other "couples" to travel with them, that's weird and would prob make me uncomfortable.

              #27 boscobel

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                Posted 10 January 2009 - 05:07 PM

                Hmmmm, I think that every adult should be given the option of a "and guest" when invited to a wedding. So I guess I am in the minority, but I don't really see what the big deal is.

                I was single in my mid 20's when most of my friends were getting married. I brought dates to all the weddings, b/c it's just more fun that way. I know everyone doesn't agree, but I think everyone should be given the option.

                #28 tvt

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                  Posted 10 January 2009 - 05:42 PM

                  we invited everyone +a guest. We didn't care if we knew the person at not. We felt that if they were close to the person we invited, that they were basically close to us too.

                  plus this person is traveling a long way to be at your wedding, i don't think it's fair to tell them who they can and cannot bring

                  #29 1elephant

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                    Posted 10 January 2009 - 08:01 PM

                    i think there's a big difference between bringing a date and bringing another couple. we invited everyone w/ guest, but if my cousins decided they were going to bring their travel buddies, i would have said sure, but they can't come to the wedding. in the same breath, i'd make sure that they knew that the guests were not invited to any wedding-related activities.

                    #30 LIW

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                      Posted 11 January 2009 - 02:57 AM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by BeautifulBridetoBe
                      This can get even more interesting of a scenario...

                      What if they are paying for themselves? Can guests bring whomever they want to your wedding if they are footing the bill? Does the bride/ groom have any say if people want to bring others who are paying for themselves and their vacations?


                      Another gf told me that I cannot dictate who people bring on vacation...I do not own the resort and if people are paying for themselves, we cannot dictate the guest list...
                      I don't think you can dictate who your guests bring the resort, espeically if you're not footing the bill for the flights, etc. It's a public resort/hotel. If someone wants to spend a week there, they can. However, you have every right to dictate who gets to come to the wedding. Just because the resort might be all inclusive, does not mean that everyone and their mothers can crash your wedding. I know when I tell people that FH and I have to pay for the wedding, they are shocked because they think that everything should be included in the PP price for the week's vacation.

                      I'm in a similar situation. I have invited a single friend. She mentioned to a friend of her's, a girl that I can't stand, that she was attending my wedding in Cuba. Her friend said she wanted to come with her for the week. When my friend told me this I was less than pleased. I really don't like her friend, and I don't really want her there. However, I can't really stop her from vacationing at the resort, however, if my friend asks if she can bring this friend of her's to the wedding, I will tell her no.
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