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What do you think about guests bringing random guests?

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#11 *Heather*


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    Posted 06 January 2009 - 01:29 PM

    I agree with Becks. No problem to go on the vacation but just tell them it's a no go for the actual wedding portion.

    #12 PaddleAddict

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      Posted 06 January 2009 - 08:11 PM

      I am having this same dilemma. Two of my single girlfriends have offhandly mentioned bringing a "friend" with them to the wedding. These would be people I don't even know, and our wedding will be quite small and intimate.

      I didn't say anything when they mentioned it b/c 1) they weren't asking me, they just mentioned it outloud and 2) I don't want to get them all upset before the invites even go out. They don't know that I am only inviting them and not "and guest" to the wedding. I hope they don't get pissed when they see the invite. Those guests who are in serious longterm relationships are getting "and guest" on their invite, but since the wedding is so small, I don't want people bringing random dates, is that wrong?

      Do you think I should mention it to them ahead of time or wait until they ask me? I also will feel mean if they push the issue and I tell them the guest can't come to the wedding.

      I honestly don't understand the mentality. I would NEVER assume I would be able to bring a random date, especially just a girlfriend, to an intimate wedding.

      #13 Chiquita

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        Posted 06 January 2009 - 08:29 PM

        I agree 100% with Becks. It's okay if they want a TRAVEL companion but as long as they understand that the random friend isn't invited to the WEDDING portion they can't or shouldn't complain about that.

        #14 Jennifer Davis

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          Posted 06 January 2009 - 09:27 PM

          If your guests are paying for themselves then I have to play devils advocate here (please don't hate me).

          Attending a destination wedding is expensive, time consuming and asking someone to travel by themselves to a foreign country by themselves can be intimidating and lonely. It is always good to have a "travel buddy" to go through customs with and room with, get ready with, etc. I just attended a destination wedding and believe me, you will not be with the wedding group the whole trip. There was a lot of time at this wedding where couples went off and did their own thing. I doubt you guys are all going to be eating 3 meals together for your entire trip! Plus, it is a lot more money for someone to stay at a resort as a single occupant than it is to have two or more people in the room - especially if it is an all inclusive.

          I am inviting all my guests with a date - even those that are single and not in a relationship because I want to give folks the option to bring someone. Attending a wedding alone is not very fun IMO. I do not mind paying for the dates of all of my guests will be making such a large committment of both time and money to attend. I feel the extra $150 bucks for their dates is the least I can do since all the people I invited are my close friends and it is important to me that my guests have the best time they can at our wedding. It is just as important to me to make this a memorable occasion for my guests as it is to make it a memorable occasion for me.

          Think of the positive, maybe some of these "dates" will be cool people and add to the fun of your event!

          On the other hand, if you are paying for your guests rooms, then I think you have every right to ask your single guests not to bring anyone.

          #15 jennyFTB

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            Posted 06 January 2009 - 09:42 PM

            I have one guest coming who is a friend of ours and he is bringing buddy that we don't know...both of them will be coming to the wedding as i don't expect the buddy to wonder the resort alone on the day of the wedding...On the other hand, my dad and step mom are bringing another couple with them that we have never met, and that couple is NOT coming to the wedding...our friends are also bringing another couple with them who will not be coming to the wedding. I will gladly pay for a guest who is a companion of someone that we want to be at the wedding....but I'm not paying for ramdom couples that I have never met, who can take care of themselves for a night....We want the wedding to be as intimate as possible...

            #16 cdc0427

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              Posted 07 January 2009 - 01:23 AM

              IMHO Jennifer and Maureen summed it all up in a nutshell!

              #17 DGG

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                Posted 07 January 2009 - 01:30 AM

                Originally Posted by Erika J
                It is a tough call.

                Recently, I had to sit down a dear friend and ask him not to bring a girlfriend so we could invite more of our close friends since our budget is so tight and we can only have so many people.

                He was really understanding and I think he appreciated me brining up sooner than later.

                Not to mention it was a huge weight off my chest.

                So I read your post and decided to talk to my friend who 'announced' her sister was coming with her - even though, we have another mutual friend who is single and not bringing a guest - so it would make more sense for them to room together - I was so nervous about upsetting her - then as soon as I brought it up, she said she forgot to tell me her sister can't come now.. huge weight off my shoulders - and I don't look like the bad guy :)

                #18 rach220

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                  Posted 07 January 2009 - 02:24 AM

                  One of my bridesmaids is single and has expressed wanting to bring someone. Originally she planned on rooming with another friend of mine, but now that person can't go...so my BM is asking around for a date. At first I was kind of upset at the idea of a random person coming, but she is making a big sacrifice to come in the first place and it's more expensive to have a room as a single than it is to split the cost of a room between two people. I also have a friend who recently got divorced (very upsetting because I got along great with her ex-husband and we have known each other for years), but she has talked about bringing her new boyfriend who I haven't even met yet and I was feeling uncomfortable about that. But again, she's coming all the way to Mexico and it should be a vacation for her too...I just asked that I could meet the dates first so my wedding wasn't the first time meeting them...

                  Married July 16, 2009
                  Aventura Cove Palace Resort
                  Riviera Maya, Mexico

                  photo by Misti Douglas

                  #19 rach220

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                    Posted 07 January 2009 - 02:26 AM

                    Oh...I should also add that I'm not having a private reception and our resort is an all-inclusive...so the extra people won't cost me anything...if I were paying for the random guests I would definitely have more of an issue with it!

                    Married July 16, 2009
                    Aventura Cove Palace Resort
                    Riviera Maya, Mexico

                    photo by Misti Douglas

                    #20 Rhonda

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                      Posted 07 January 2009 - 02:50 AM

                      Wow! I guess I'm not alone in this situation! I think you all bring up good points. I agree that it's a huge expense and trip for people to make and they are entitled to travel with whom ever they want. We DO have to pay for each person at our wedding + welcome party, even though it's an AI. But, so far, this is the only random person that I'm aware of that might be coming. Also, it looks like we'll be having 70-80 guests, so, I'm kind of thinking...whats one more, right? It's not like we're having 10 people. In the end, I probably won't even care that she's there. I guess my friend really wants to come to the wedding, which I guess I should feel happy about. I just think it's a little odd to ask to bring a friend...I don't think I would ever do that..but, that's just me.
                      Now, let me try to explain this to the FI.....:)

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