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jamaica2009bride

Friends engagement- am I overreacting?

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UGH.........

 

I am the first of all my closest friends to get engaged. Since we announced our engagement (after almost seven years together) my friends seem to be in a race to get engaged as well, which is fine with me as I love weddings!

 

However....at 25 years old, one of my friends has her first-ever serious boyfriend. She has decided (after not even a year together) that she wants to get engaged (but not get married for at least 5 years- so in her own words, she wants a ring). Both her and her bf will be guests at our DW in March. She has told him, quite conveniently I think, that she wants to be proposed to on a beach. Which means of course, that she thinks he will be popping the question on our wedding trip. I will be honest in saying the whole "stealing my thunder" thing did not cross my mind until another friend pointed it out. But now that it is out there, it kind of bothers me! Actually, it REALLY bothers me. It seems like our wedding trip will turn into the trip on which she got engaged. We did not make a big deal about our engagement or wedding planning but I know that once her engagement is announced it will be all about her. She has told me that it will be on the "last day" of our trip, but it feels like then everyone will be remembering her engagement instead of our wedding.

 

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that they should just let us have "our day"? She has said herself taht she just wants the ring. If there is no hurry to tie the knot can't she wait til at least we get back from our trip? Should I just let it go? I feel like I am being very selfish.

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we had the same thing happen. DH's best man proposed to his GF on the first day of our wedding trip. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal at all. Everyone came to Mexico for our wedding, and while they said congrats to the BM and his new FI, it was never a big deal.

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I am glad Tara responded, cuz I couldn't remember who that happened too. Personally, I think that I would be pissed if that happened on my wedding vacation, but that's cuz I am the least center of attention kinda person there is. Except I wanted my wedding weekend to be about me. So it ws the one time I wanted to be special.

 

But I also think that if I was at a friends wedding in JA and one of the guests got engaged, I would probably say, "oh, that's nice, congratulations!" And then move on.

 

So I think the best thing for you to do is to take Tara's attitude about it, cuz it's so true. Everyone that will be there is there for YOU and your fiance, whether and engagement happens or not. And it will become a part of some people memories of your wedding weekend, but what a positive one!

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I kind of agree with Carly. I think it depends on how close your group of guests are with this friend. If they all don't really know her then it probably won't be a big deal. They'll just congratulate them and move on (some might even think like you and your other friends that its a little rude to get engaged on your wedding trip). On the other hand, if the group is also really close with her then it may become a distraction from the real reason why everyone is there~ YOU. :) I think if it were me... I would be bothered, but not enough to say anything.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KLC77 View Post
I kind of agree with Carly. I think it depends on how close your group of guests are with this friend. If they all don't really know her then it probably won't be a big deal. They'll just congratulate them and move on (some might even think like you and your other friends that its a little rude to get engaged on your wedding trip). On the other hand, if the group is also really close with her then it may become a distraction from the real reason why everyone is there~ YOU. :) I think if it were me... I would be bothered, but not enough to say anything.
I completely agree with Kelly. I don't think I would say anything either - after all it is your day (week!) and that's what people will remember! If she starts going on & on about it then maybe you could say something to her.

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I might have the minority opinion here, but I think that the trip is their vacation too. At least that is the attitude I'm taking with my guests. I get my wedding day, not their entire vacation.

 

Since people are spending quite a bit to go on a vacation that I picked out for them, I'm ok sharing with what they want to do. If your friend really does want to get engaged on a beach and cant afford to go on another beach vacation, this is her only chance.

 

As you said

Quote:
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that they should just let us have "our day"?
You will still get your day, and they get to create a great memory on the last day of the trip. Plus, her engagement story will always start with "we were at ch2344's wedding" :)

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I agree it would bother me also - at least because she didn't ask if it was okay.. and she is the one pushing for it.. If I were you, I would try talking to her about it - or you could ask your friend that pointed out how it was inappropriate to talk to her.. Yeah it is their vacation, but if they are close enough to make the trip down, I think they should care about your feelings and your wedding weekend..

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasAshli View Post
I might have the minority opinion here, but I think that the trip is their vacation too. At least that is the attitude I'm taking with my guests. I get my wedding day, not their entire vacation.

Since people are spending quite a bit to go on a vacation that I picked out for them, I'm ok sharing with what they want to do. If your friend really does want to get engaged on a beach and cant afford to go on another beach vacation, this is her only chance.
I agree. It is hard for people to have the cash or the vacation time to get another beach vaca this year. At least, I didnt have the cash at 25 years old! Anyway, its your day, but its their vacation too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DGG View Post
I agree it would bother me also - at least because she didn't ask if it was okay.. and she is the one pushing for it.. If I were you, I would try talking to her about it - or you could ask your friend that pointed out how it was inappropriate to talk to her.. Yeah it is their vacation, but if they are close enough to make the trip down, I think they should care about your feelings and your wedding weekend..
I think that this could have happened even if your friend wasn't pushing, which is how engagements typically go, right? She seems to have a lot of say in the matter, down to which day it happens. If the guy is anything like my hubby, he might make her think its going to happen and do it another way... I know mine did that because he thought i knew too much. So it could happen earlier in the trip too, which is probably something to be prepared for.

All in all, its not the best timing, and its a shame they have it so planned already. Its so much nicer when it happens organically. Maybe hint that her way!

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I guess it's just me but it doesn't make sense. She's already got it planned to the day that she's going to get engaged and how it's going to be done? I guess I like the element of surprise...sure I knew fi would propose soon but I would feel disappointed if I planned out exactly how it would play out...like I was an actor in a play.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DallasAshli View Post
I might have the minority opinion here, but I think that the trip is their vacation too. At least that is the attitude I'm taking with my guests. I get my wedding day, not their entire vacation.

Since people are spending quite a bit to go on a vacation that I picked out for them, I'm ok sharing with what they want to do. If your friend really does want to get engaged on a beach and cant afford to go on another beach vacation, this is her only chance.

As you said You will still get your day, and they get to create a great memory on the last day of the trip. Plus, her engagement story will always start with "we were at ch2344's wedding" :)
I agree with Ashli!

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