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How much do you give when you are a guest at a wedding?

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#21 BeautifulBridetoBe

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    Posted 03 January 2009 - 12:23 PM

    Culture plays a big role in this discussion. In some cultures, especially European cultures, it is customary to cover the cost of your plate per person as well as give a generous gift on top of that. In these cultures, the bride and groom are typically blessed abundantly financially...and that's a nice way to start in this day and age.

    In other cultures, weddings are a time to host family and friends with no financial expectations. It is about treating your guests well, so the gifts are not as abundant financially or may be more sentimental.

    So I think culture plays a role in deciding how much to give for a wedding gift.That being said, we typically give $100 per person. That is considered high in our culture, but weddings are no longer the inexpensive family gatherings they once were.

    We believe that a wedding is a time to bless the bride and groom with your best gift...whatever that is. It can be $20 if that is all you really have...It is not the amount but the sentiment behind it that is honourable.

    I just don't think it is right to give the gift of $50, then spend $450 making yourself - a guest - look beautiful for the day as it is not about you. I think your best gift, whatever that is, should go to the couple.

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    #22 neen

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      Posted 03 January 2009 - 12:29 PM

      i think its a personal choice and you should give what you can without "rules", but my mom always taught us to give $100 per person so that's what I've done my whole adult life. my exceptions are when i'm in the bridal party ($250) and when its one of my sisters ($500).

      #23 Sloan

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        Posted 03 January 2009 - 12:48 PM

        I've always just given $100.

        #24 jennierin

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          Posted 03 January 2009 - 01:01 PM

          I say you give what you can afford! I'm sure the bride and groom didn't invite their guests based on how much they would receive. I've known people who have not attended weddings of family because they were afraid that they couldn't afford the gift.

          For me, I cover the cost of the plate, and then give a little more on top of that. So it really depends on the wedding that I am attending. So it is basically anywhere from $100 - $400 on average.
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          #25 Duchess

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            Posted 04 January 2009 - 03:40 AM

            Originally Posted by lauren
            it's hard b/c a lot of ppl didn't send a gift if they didn't come and now we're going to theirs.
            Same here...I usually give between $100-$200, and the $200 is if I am standing up. So between all the shower gifts, throwing showers, Bach Parties, buying the dress, it is a fortune. Now, after having a DW, I cant believe how many gifts we didnt get, from close friends or family.

            I know I am off topic a bit with the last part of the rant. Sorry.

            #26 EDYTA

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              Posted 04 January 2009 - 11:45 AM

              This is a great thread especially since 50%of guests usually don't even bring a gift. Which I find extremely rude, if you can't afford to give a gift atleast give a card (sorry this is one of my pet peeves..is it that hard to buy a card?)

              I've been brought up to always cover your plate and we always give money. I also love giving fine china depending on how close I am to the person. Just because my parents got a full dinner set that was hand made by one of their guests and they still use it to this day and I find something like that to be priceless and it's also something that you can pass down from generation to generation.

              #27 yamille

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                Posted 05 January 2009 - 01:42 AM

                I agree that it is a regional and cultural thing. I gre up on Long Island and weddings are CRAZY expensive out there. #1 reason FI and I are having a destinationwedding. :) I like hearing everyone's input though it's interesting. Well.. I went to the wedding on Friday and we gave $250. It was beautiful and I was taking notes on things that I would like to or not do for my wedding as usual.

                My cousin was a bridesmaid and was horrified cause she saw guests taking 4 or 5 snowflake bottle stoppers (these were the gifts) per person! Who does that?? Lesson learned: Do not place them in a basket and ask people to take them on their way out. Put it on the tables! I couldn't believe it. They were gorgeous stoppers... :)

                #28 BC Bride2be

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                  Posted 05 January 2009 - 01:59 AM

                  We've always given 100 pp. But now come to think of it we've been doing that for the past 10 years... so I guess since things of course are more expensive nowadays we should up that...great thread!

                  #29 Sapphire723

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                    Posted 05 January 2009 - 04:26 AM

                    I agree with those who say you should at least cover your plate if you're giving cash.

                    I've spent anywhere from $100 to $500 per person depending on how close I was to the bride or groom. In the last wedding I was in, I bought her the duvet that she wanted. It was well out of my price range to start with, but I was able to snatch it when it temporarily went on sale for a price that I could afford!

                    #30 ErinB


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                      Posted 05 January 2009 - 11:14 AM

                      I do $50 per person as a general rule, for the wedding. That is kind of a sliding scale depending on how well I know the person. When BIL got married, I spent about $500 on gifts for all of the showers and the actual wedding. This doesn't count the costs associated with being in and traveling to the wedding. I figure I need to budget $1000 if I am asked to be in a wedding.

                      Where I am from, you don't usually see $100 or more per person unless it is family. I do have to say that I did feel a little "cheated" not having a traditional wedding. Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER change my DW, but I think because we didn't have a traditional wedding people thought they were exempt from the tradition of giving gifts.

                      I had a lavish AHR so those that didn't travel could still feel like they were a part of the wedding. Luckily I am in the event business so I got a lot of breaks and called in a bunch of favors.

                      One family member gave me a card with $20. There are 6 adults in this family! They can afford more. It felt like "Oh Sh*t, we didn't get a gift, who has cash?" Even at cost, $3 per person did not cover thier plate. Oh and BIL and his new wife gave us $40!

                      Being a bride definitely gives you a different perspective.

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