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Guests that haven't booked or RSVPd yet...


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#1 BeautifulBridetoBe

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    Posted 31 December 2008 - 12:57 PM

    Hi ladies:

    I believe this is an issue of ettiquette, not on our part, but on the part of our lovely guests. Tell what you think and what you are doing if this is your situation...

    Yes, we must be understanding because we decided to have a destination wedding and some guests may not be able to attend.

    Yes, we must be patient because we are asking people to spend money to join us on our special day and they want to get the best deal, so may be waiting until last minute.

    Yes, we must be loving because we want as many to attend as possible.

    No, we do not want to force or nag anyone....

    HOWEVER...

    We have deadlines. Our resort called me needing to know the exact number in our party. I think they have many weddings booked for our day and need to figure out ceremony and reception locations and capacities.

    We have about 25 guests booked...and 25 "yeses" that have yet to book and 50 outstanding RSVPs that we have not heard a thing from! Our deadline was November, just for a general head count.

    I do not want to call anyone...because I do not want to appear to be nagging anyone into anything they may not be able to do or cannot afford.

    I just gave the hotel the confirmed number plus an additional 10 family members that we are certain will join us....so 35.

    The truth is that we cannot wait forever...and in the end, those that haven't RSVPd will most likely not join us.

    Is anyone else dealing with guests say they are coming, but have yet to book? Or RSVP for that matter?

    How are you handling this with a smile?
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    #2 Andi

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      Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:01 PM

      I am not dealing with this quite yet...but I think I will be in the next few weeks!

      When did you set your RSVP date for on the invites? In all reality if that date has passed and people are not booked yet...you are right, you CANNOT wait.

      I set my RSVP date on my invites for 2 weeks earlier than what I really needed too. So in my mind if I don't hear from our guests on wether or not they are coming by then...well, I hate to say it but too bad for them.

      If you have given them plenty of time to book then there really is not much more you can do...at some point you have to just give the hotel the final number and move on...you know what i mean?

      #3 DallasAshli

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        Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:07 PM

        Your resort needs to know the exact number 5 months early? Yikes - that seems a bit early to know for sure who will or wont be there. My guests are still booking and we're less than 3 months out.

        We have several guests that are saying "if x happens, then we will come OR if y happens, we wont". So really we are waiting to see if x or y happen :) Completely out of our control. But we gave the resort an estimate (plus or minus 10) and they are fine with that.

        I would think the resort would know that guests dont always book 5 months in advance? Maybe you could ask them for more time to have a definite number?

        #4 teresayax

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          Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:09 PM

          I went through the same situation. FI and I ended up calling the people that we hadn't heard from, since they are all close family and friends. We just said that we didnt want to rush them, but we were wondeirng where they stood because we needed a final head count for planning. Everyone was very understanding and only one person that hadn't RSVP'd is going, everyone else didnt know how to tell us they weren't going.

          Like Andi mentioned, if they haven't booked yet, then they most likely arent coming and you cannot wait for them to call. If people were still unsure when we called them, we just let them know that if they do decide to come last minute, the worst that can happen is they do not have a glass of champagne waiting for them. We are doing a beach wedding, so space isnt really an issue for us.

          Good Luck! There will always be that one person that can't decide.

          #5 happygilmore

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            Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:10 PM

            We are dealing with this but our resort doesn't need to know how many are coming with us by a certain date (well maybe by April when the WC will actually contact us to start planning things out)

            But yes, we have 15 booked with about 13 that we are pretty sure are coming but havne't booked and then about another 5-8 that haven't RSVP and I don't know if they are coming or not and the rest have sent in RSVPs already! We only invited 60 people (the real near and dear)

            #6 Chiquita

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              Posted 31 December 2008 - 02:30 PM

              We had quite a few people say yes they were coming for sure, but never sent an RSVP or booked ortold us what was happening. We finally had to contact them and ask, and they were not coming (for whatever reasons). If people haven't booked or responded to the RSVP, it's pretty likely they aren't coming. You have to go with the numbers you have, plus or minus a few, unfortunately.

              #7 sunsetbride1

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                Posted 31 December 2008 - 04:38 PM

                I agree with the majority of responses...

                If your RSVP date has passed and people still haven't responded; then I would count them out. It's truly up to you if you want to take the time to remind them to respond or confirm if they are coming. Personally, once I send out my invites; I am leaving it up to the guests to respond and make their arrangements. If they don't RSVP, then I am not including them in my head-count. I know it sounds harsh, but there are so many 'balls in the air' planning a wedding.. the bride and groom shouldn't have to remind their guests to RSVP. If people decide to come at the last minute, they can make their own arrangements and I am sure that as long as there is a room available at the resort.. your resort will accommodate a few extra guests at the wedding.

                #8 beth

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                  Posted 31 December 2008 - 09:49 PM

                  We had the same problem. I looked this up on theknot.com and they suggested an email or phone call. I ended up sending a mass email and bcc'd everyone so no one could see who it was going to. I got all of the RSVPs we were lacking from that one email! I would suggest doing whatever you are comfortable with. Most of our guests just forgot - oops! I guess we are thinking about our wedding more than they are :)
                  Good luck!

                  #9 Simistar

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                    Posted 01 January 2009 - 07:23 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by beth
                    We had the same problem. I looked this up on theknot.com and they suggested an email or phone call. I ended up sending a mass email and bcc'd everyone so no one could see who it was going to. I got all of the RSVPs we were lacking from that one email! I would suggest doing whatever you are comfortable with. Most of our guests just forgot - oops! I guess we are thinking about our wedding more than they are :)
                    Good luck!
                    That's what we did too!
                    Like Beth said...we did indeed have some family members coming who had forgotten to RSVP...(really, I don't know how anyone could have done this since we sent a reminder e-mail two weeks before the deadline, but anywaaaay...)

                    Still, though, there was one of my DH's friends who we had no idea whether he'd be there even two days before the wedding :) We thought he was booked, but didn't know when he' be arriving... But when we asked at the front desk they said they had no record of him booking... Which all turned out to be pretty funny b/c about ten mins after asking at the front, he appeared in the lobby! :-)
                    (not sure why the hotel said they had no booking info for him...he checked in no problem...must have been something lost in translation :-))

                    #10 katken

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                      Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:08 PM

                      I'm so worried about this too. We have to let the resort know a final # 60 days out. So I asked for the response cards back a month before that so I can have my mom follow up with family, etc. that don't send back their cards.

                      Unfortunately I think it's common for people to forget to turn in their response cards even if we weren't doing destination wedding. I think it's rude, but I think people just honestly forget. Our weddings aren't at the top of their mind like they are to us! :)




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