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FMIL Christmas Rudeness . . . I have had it!!


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#21 Hartyt509

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    Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:27 AM

    What a bitch!!!

    You need to handle her like a really big and complicated law problem. Break it all down and solve each bit at a time.

    I had an ex mother in law that was similar and I refused to step in her house or even speak to her after one particularly bad xmas and I didn't. In fact I wouldn't piss her if she was on fire in the middle of the street lol

    First get her on her own and scare the shit out of her (if you need assistance I will gladly fly over and beat her brains out for you lol) then tell her she's not invited to the wedding. If she is this much of a pain in the ass now god help you when you get there and really you don't need it.

    Seriously though his dad will not stand up to her or he would have done it years ago so unfortunately you need to get right in her face so she knows you aren't taking her shit.

    #22 Emily&Matt

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      Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:41 AM

      I think you and your fiance should talk about how you are going to handle her, for your wedding and for your life together. Let her stay wherever she wants for your wedding and if the step-sister doesn't like the BM dress, then she can decide not to be in your wedding. Tell them the way things are and let them decide whether or not they want to participate, but you don't have to change your plans to accommodate their plans.

      When you want to see fiance's family members, stay with someone else and ask father, brother, anyone else, to come and see you there. If you have to go around step-mother, then make it very brief - like one hour. The point here is just to not allow her access to your plans, your lives, your decisions, etc. Announce what you are doing and then the ball's in her park to decide what she wants to do about it. Don't change for her because she is not thinking of anyone but herself. Those kind of people never change, they only bring you down.

      #23 luvtoteachlaw

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        Posted 30 December 2008 - 01:59 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Sapphire723
        I would also talk to her daughter to let her know that she is important to you no matter what her mother is saying. Talk to her about any concerns she may be having, and if she actually does have a problem, see if you can work it out with her. I'm sure that she knows her mom well enough to know that what she's being told isn't true or the whole story, but it's probably a good idea to clear the air with her.
        I did speak to her on Christmas about the dress, and she was more than willing to go to the bridal shop and try on the dress(es) that I have picked out. I didn't get to see her the day after, when the step monster made all those comments about our website. However, my fiancee did speak with her and did send her an email explaining how we are planning to update the website with new photos and pages.

        Why the step monster is giving out the website address to her friends, who we don't know and who are not invited, is beyond me. I swear she just wants to stir up drama.

        #24 luvtoteachlaw

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          Posted 30 December 2008 - 02:04 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by BachataBride
          I completely agree...have it out with her! She's probably just like this because she is allowed to get away with it. If you stand up for yourself and tell her what a bitch she is being maybe she will not be so quick to put in her 2 cents. Tell her that not only is she driving you & FI away, but also her other children and family members. I know it's hard to stoop to her level and throw this at her...but I think that's what needs to be done.
          Good luck hun...and try not to stress about it too much. FI is obviously on your side...and the 2 of you will work through it Don't let her ruin YOUR day!!
          I think this is what is going to have to be done, if I see her before the wedding. We may see her at finacee's sister's graduation in May. I don't plan on seeing her, or anyone else, before then.

          She has always fought with my fiancee, even when he was 12 and had just lost his mother. From what he tells me, they use to have big arguments when he was a teenager and he didn't take her crap. He says he used to make her cry, which I have no doubt about. So why she is messing with him again, especially now, is ridiculous given their strained history.

          #25 luvtoteachlaw

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            Posted 30 December 2008 - 02:15 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Hartyt509
            Seriously though his dad will not stand up to her or he would have done it years ago so unfortunately you need to get right in her face so she knows you aren't taking her shit.
            I know that his father used to stand up to her in the past, and it appears that he was quite pissed at her for the way she acted on Christmas (they drove to Hilton Head with fiancee's sister in the car who relayed that they were fighting). But she never, ever apologizes for her behavior.

            My fiancee is going to write an email to his dad and then is going to visit him (alone) in the next month to discuss these issues with him. He is going to tell his father that he doesn't want her at the wedding. God only knows what will happen from there.

            In speaking with my fiancee last night, he thinks she might feel slighted for whatever ridiculous reason because the website does have a nice selection of pictures of fiancee's mom, who passed away in 1983, and only one picture of step monster with his dad. Step monster has never been a mother figure to him - after he lost his mother at age 12 she was the opposite of compassionate - she forced him to do his own laundry and cook his own dinner. If she did any type of cooking for him, she always told him he owed her. It makes me so angry to think of how he was treated at the time when he needed someone the most.

            #26 DanielleNDerek

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              Posted 30 December 2008 - 02:27 PM

              She would have to be a really immature person to get upset that your fiance's mom who passed away is all over the website and she only has 1 picture. She's jealous of a dead woman. that's ridiculous.
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              #27 sunset78

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                Posted 30 December 2008 - 02:55 PM

                Good grief... what a head case she is. I hope this situation gets some resolution for you. I wouldn't want her at my wedding either.

                #28 Sapphire723

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                  Posted 30 December 2008 - 03:13 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by luvtoteachlaw
                  I did speak to her on Christmas about the dress, and she was more than willing to go to the bridal shop and try on the dress(es) that I have picked out. I didn't get to see her the day after, when the step monster made all those comments about our website. However, my fiancee did speak with her and did send her an email explaining how we are planning to update the website with new photos and pages.

                  Why the step monster is giving out the website address to her friends, who we don't know and who are not invited, is beyond me. I swear she just wants to stir up drama.
                  See if you can password protect your website, and then don't give her the password! Good luck with everything and update us on any new developments.

                  #29 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 31 December 2008 - 09:11 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by luvtoteachlaw
                    I know that his father used to stand up to her in the past, and it appears that he was quite pissed at her for the way she acted on Christmas (they drove to Hilton Head with fiancee's sister in the car who relayed that they were fighting). But she never, ever apologizes for her behavior.

                    My fiancee is going to write an email to his dad and then is going to visit him (alone) in the next month to discuss these issues with him. He is going to tell his father that he doesn't want her at the wedding. God only knows what will happen from there.

                    In speaking with my fiancee last night, he thinks she might feel slighted for whatever ridiculous reason because the website does have a nice selection of pictures of fiancee's mom, who passed away in 1983, and only one picture of step monster with his dad. Step monster has never been a mother figure to him - after he lost his mother at age 12 she was the opposite of compassionate - she forced him to do his own laundry and cook his own dinner. If she did any type of cooking for him, she always told him he owed her. It makes me so angry to think of how he was treated at the time when he needed someone the most.
                    Good any luck he'll come to his senses and kick her in the backside!!

                    FMIL left my FI's dad when he was about 4 and then ran off with his step dad when he was 6!! FI still says although he loved his step dad he was never accepted until he joined the army and the amount of beatings they god were horrific really. I think thats why I can't stand FMIL and have real trouble being nice to her. The fact that she let her son get a hiding when it wasn't necessary! So I can sort of understand where you are coming from.

                    Thing is i'm such a witch and so like my dad I don't have anything to do with her lol I spoke to her xmas day first time in a year and that was accident that I answered the phone lol

                    FI will sort her out but just cut her out unless you really need her input - which I doubt! lol then do this i find it helps lol

                    #30 luvtoteachlaw

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                      Posted 31 December 2008 - 12:25 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek
                      She would have to be a really immature person to get upset that your fiance's mom who passed away is all over the website and she only has 1 picture. She's jealous of a dead woman. that's ridiculous.
                      I totally agree. And she has been dead 25 years.

                      One of the worst things I can remember of FMIL's antics is one evening at dinner with fiancee, fiancee's brother, FFIL and me. FMIL had been drinking, and there was discussion about buying cemetary plots (of all things, fiancee and I had just been to his mom's grave that day to plant flowers there). FMIL makes a comment that she and his dad need to buy plots together to which FFIL responded, "We will get around to that". She then said, "You had better do it, because you aren't going to go and lay next to Phyllis!" (finacee mom). It was beyond bizzare and uncomfortable. My private thoughts at the time were that I hope FMIL died first because I actually do think FFIL would want to be buried next to his first wife (fiancee's mom ).




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