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Future MIL Problems part 2


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#11 kate.com

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    Posted 28 December 2008 - 11:47 PM

    wow. weddings sure bring out the worst in some people, huh? And people/family that you don't expect it from too... I went through that too. It sucks, no way around it.
    Only advice I have for you is to continue to communicate with your FI. This is about you two in the end... even if the circumstances has you focusing else where.
    Im positive that you will have a beautiful day!

    #12 Tiffiney01

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      Posted 29 December 2008 - 12:53 AM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by JUSTUSTWO
      This totally sucks & I'm sorry that you're going thru this. Maybe this was her last ditch effort to try to get you to change your mind & have your DW in Jamaica. She probably did it thinking that she'll make you feel guilty & you guys will fold.

      Since you've been together so long & you've always gotten along, I can't imagine why she'd have a problem with you now. You said maybe its an island thing, but maybe its just a "mother" thing.
      For instance once we got married I noticed that my MIL sometimes try's to put DH in awkward situations & trys to see whose side he'll take when her & I have differing opinions. Luckily DH does not play into that. I'm his wife & it is what it is. We make decisions together & don't let her come in between us. It's like she tries to make him not forget that she is his mother & everything should go her way despite the fact that he now has a wife. Maybe this is what your FMIL is doing as well.

      Yes, your FI may be hurt but if he's willing to go on without her being there & he's happy with what you chose, then try to stay strong & continue to stay with the location that you chose and do not let her steal your joy. This is your day, not hers. You will have wonderful memories of your day & in the end the fact that she wasn't there to share your joy won't even matter. She'll be the one who regrets it & ultimately it will be her loss.
      I never thought of the whole" island thing" until recently but you are absolutely right it's just a Mother's Thing...which caught me off guard being that she has never mistreated me or disrespected me in anyway until now over a location.
      even my mom doesn't have a problem with it and she is paralyzed from the neck down and she said she would travel across the world to see her baby get married! she is not even making me feel guilty for not having my wedding in NY which would be easier for her but she is 100% behind me and my FI decision.
      Mr & Mrs Newby

      #13 Tiffiney01

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        Posted 29 December 2008 - 12:57 AM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by kate.com
        wow. weddings sure bring out the worst in some people, huh? And people/family that you don't expect it from too... I went through that too. It sucks, no way around it.
        Only advice I have for you is to continue to communicate with your FI. This is about you two in the end... even if the circumstances has you focusing else where.
        Im positive that you will have a beautiful day!
        it's always the ones closest to you. I'm just going to try to stay focused and as long as FI is okay with it then I'm okay
        Mr & Mrs Newby

        #14 DanielleNDerek

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          Posted 29 December 2008 - 11:54 AM

          She is really being manipulative and if you change her plans to accomadate her she's going to think she can always get her way. I would keep the plans you and your fi want and not worry about her. She obviously has no problems with going away for a wedding she just has a problem with your location choice. She isnt taking into considerate what would make you or her own son happy so I wouldnt worry about making her happy. Either she will grow up and realize she's being a complete baby or miss her son's wedding which she'll probably regret for the rest of her life. You need to move on and go on with your plans.
          ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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          #15 Hartyt509

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            Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:31 AM

            Let her get on with it - it's her loss and she will regret it and who needs an arse like that on your wedding day

            #16 Emily&Matt

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              Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:46 AM

              His mother is controlling and manipulating. It's your life, you make your own plans. Of course it's nice to consider what our parents would like, but when you feel strongly about something, ultimately, it's YOUR wedding! He will get over the fact that he has upset his mother. He has to do it now, because if you give in and plan the wedding she wants you to have, she will be calling the shots for the rest of your marriage.

              #17 YoursTruly

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                Posted 30 December 2008 - 12:00 PM

                Tiff:
                - No regrets about what you want. Obviuosly you guys thought about this long and hard to decide NOT to have it in JA. And if you had it in JA, every relative from MB to Oho Rios would HAVE to be invited, so no you did the right thing.
                - It's YOUR day, not hers. Island mothers are very, very controlling with their sons and its true, though there is always the exception, they do prefer for their sons, a woman that is Jamaican. She will test you so stick to your guns!!!
                - If you fold she will always, think she has you in her back pocket (she already has FI). Stand up for your self and she will have to respect that! I always have a mantra that whoever's family is the side that is tripping then they are the ones to handle it---so FI needs to really be okay with it and nip it in the bud with his mother. She is truly making this about her and she can't even get her head out the clouds long enuff to realize that
                - It really is a culture thing and you can't win sometimes because I am of JA heritage (both my parents are Jamaican and 95% of my family), however, b/c I was born here, sometimes I feel it is STILL not good enuff.
                - Jamaican mothers will get " inna hot watas fi dem pickney" , so u have a true fight on your hands but its all good. If she is that bad to book another vacation, "mek her gwaan, she too boasie!"

                I really wish you well and keep us updated!




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